Chokehold
by TrespassMyAss
Summary: NIRVANA SEQUEL. Sauli, a man whose potential withered away, is thrown in the path of an angry ticking time bomb; A monster who seeks to destroy him; A man he once knew; Adam? But something's wrong. He's a demon suffering in his own mind. Sauli learns the hard way, but despite Adam's warnings, he needs answers. He has to save Adam's life before Adam takes his. And time is ticking...
1. Time Would Consume Him

~~~AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Oh lordy, here we go again. What a long-ass wait. I apologize.

If you haven't read Nirvana, you really need to do so or else this will make zero sense to you, hence why it's called a sequel.

And, if you've read Nirvana, you know that this first chapter is also the epilogue of Nirvana, which means you've already read it.

Enjoy, and as always, the chapters alternate in POV. :)~~~

Sauli:

Of course, only I was stupid enough to run an errand during rush hour. It was a bright day in Helsinki, which was rare considering the season, and I was stuck inside this pathetic car. It was ridiculous. I hadn't budged from this spot for ten minutes! Not even a meter! I was getting seriously annoyed now. What in the hell were they doing up front? I felt like just ditching my car in the middle of the highway and walking in between the cars the rest of the way to the market. It'd be a heck of a lot faster too. I would not be surprised if people started doing that soon.

I sighed heavily, getting a headache from the obnoxious honks of fellow drivers. I drummed my fingers on the top of the steering wheel, trying to distract myself from this dilemma and tune out the cars around me. When that didn't work, I reached over and flipped the radio on. I pursed my lip as I browsed through the stations, attempting to get some kind of traffic report. I ended up settling on some music station. I cranked up whatever song was playing, hoping to drown out the constant honks and shouts from outside.

The song was definitely American. It sort of had some catchy guitar during the verses, I guess. I didn't pay much attention to it because I didn't really care. I hadn't been much of a music person for years. I closed my eyes without worry since it didn't seem like I was getting further in this traffic any time soon.

Jesus Christ, this song was repetitive toward the end. Over and over just singing, "_What do you want from me?!"_

I wanted you to shut up. I heard you the first ten times. Who the hell was this guy? This was not helping out my headache.

I was about to turn down the volume a bit, but then the song finally ended. I let out a sigh of relief and sank back into my seat. The host of the station came on.

"_That was 'Whataya Want From Me,'" _I never would've guessed, "_by American pop singer, Adam Lambert." _

My brow furrowed in slight confusion and I felt a dull prang at my heart. How upsetting… this annoying guy had the same name as the Adam I'd once known. I guess it was a common name since it couldn't have been the same person. My old love killed himself a long time ago. When was that? I thought hard for an endless minute.

Ten years…

Holy… Had it really been that long? My throat slightly twanged with tightness and I blinked away the stinging in my eyes. How could I forget? What the fuck was wrong with me? I'd stopped mourning on his birthday and the anniversary of our first meeting and his… death date years ago. I just thought moving forward was the best was to cope. So long ago… Did they ever find his body…?

Come on, Sauli, stay pissed at the traffic, and don't depress yourself. If I started thinking about him again, I'd screw myself up and mope for days. Sauli, you're a grown man with a settled life, so start acting like it. I shook my head quickly and snapped out of it, refocusing on the radio.

"_Mr. Lambert is currently on tour and will be coming to Helsinki on November sixth. So, if you haven't already gotten your tickets, stay on the air for a chance to win!"_

I turned off the radio. Yeah, definitely wasn't going to attend that concert. Like I said, I just wasn't into music anymore, so what was the point? Plus, if all of his music sounded like that last song… yeah, no…

About two hours later, after scouring the grocery store, standing impatiently in a long check-out line, and then heading back into traffic, I finally arrived back at my apartment, pissed off and tired. With a grocery bag in one hand, I cursed as I struggled to get the key in the lock. I finally heard that sweet click and flung the door open, closing it with my foot as I entered. I chucked the keys into the little bowl by the door.

"Mika?!" I called out as I took off my jacket. "You home? I got your damn milk." I made my way into the kitchen, holding up the jug of milk as I did so.

I heard clamoring from the next room and then out walked Mika, all apron-clad and tall smiles. His jade eyes glittered when they landed on my face. I just glared at him.

"Hey, baby," Mika crooned as he pranced up to me and took the jug out my hands. I stared up at him with an exhausted look. "You were gone for such a long time. What happened?"

"Traffic," I muttered, stretching out and yawning.

Mika cupped my chin in one hand, still holding the jug with the other, and leaned down, taking my lips with his. I relaxed and kissed him back, reaching up stroking his jet-black hair as his hand left my chin and wrapped around my waist.

I pulled away and smiled slightly. Mika giggled for a split second. He pulled the milk jug up level to his face and his brow furrowed as he stared at it. I pursed my lip as I observed his eyes dull down into an annoyed expression while reading the label.

Mika suddenly exhaled sharply. "Ugh, come on, Sauli. Look at this!" He shoved the jug into my chest. I took it from him and gave him a look. "What does that say?"

What the fuck was his problem? I peered down at the label. "Two percent…?" I muttered.

Mika crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at me. "That's right!" he hissed. "I clearly told you to buy skim milk, Sauli. You _know _I can't handle two percent. Take it back!"

I gaped at him. "You can't be serious."

"Hell yeah, I am. I request something so simple and like always, you fuck it up!" Mika threw his hands up in the air dramatically. "Can't you do anything right?"

I slammed the jug onto the counter. "Bullshit! You're actually arguing with me over _milk?"_

"No!" Mika rolled his eyes. "It's every single time I ask you to do something, you just don't even try."

"I've never said no to you! Every time you want something, I go out of my way to get it for you! But your goddamn standards are so high because you're such a drama queen sometimes! You don't appreciate shit."

Mika huffed, "Okay, whatever." He started to turn away.

Oh no. I wasn't going to let him just blow off _another_ argument as soon as the tables turned. This crap happened way too often.

I grabbed his wrist and jerked him back until he looked at me. "Do you even care what I had to go through just to get this thing?" I gestured expansively to the milk. "I'd been sitting in rush hour in this fucking weather, bored out of my mind in that piece of shit car, and then when I finally get home, thinking you'll be happy to see me, what do I get? This fuckery! Just drink the damn milk and stop acting like such an asshole! You're fucking welcome!"

Mika's hurt expression made my heart crack a little.

I groaned and turned on my heel, heading for the couch. I plopped down and leaned over, burying my head in my hands. I took deep breaths, trying to calm down. My temper was just out of control lately.

This fighting over the stupidest shit happened often. It was tiresome. I just wished we could be perfect.

Mika was so wonderful and sweet to me, but there were times when he was controlling and melodramatic. It pissed me off to no end, but I couldn't bear to leave him, especially since this was _his _apartment I lived in and I practically lived off of _his_ money. I couldn't find a goddamn job for the life of me. Yeah, good grades would get you far... Biggest lie ever. I needed Mika to take care of me because I was hopeless and a moocher. At least, he didn't mind… He was too nice and caring. Great, now I felt like an asshole. He fed me, housed me, bought me gifts, treated me well… for the most part, like any good boyfriend, and yet, I wasn't even able to get him his fucking milk. Why was I so useless? What happened to me? I used to be so much bubblier and on top of everything, sharp.

I was in my late twenties and would be homeless on my own. How sad. It wasn't supposed to go this way. I once had such a bright future ahead of me. Fuck me for needing to be so dependent on someone else. I should be grateful that I had Mika. No girlfriend could be like him, not that I'd let any woman try anymore. That ship had sailed long ago.

"Honey?" I heard a tentative voice ask, and I sensed a weight press down beside me on the couch. "I'm sorry…" I felt a hand at my back, rubbing my tense muscles.

I sighed and took my hands off my face. I reached over and gently took Mika's hand, smoothing circles into the back of it. His fingers curled around my hand and gripped tightly, squeezing once.

I mumbled, "No, don't even. _I'm_ sorry. If you want, I'll go back to the store right now…"

Mika's lips stretched out into that pretty smile I adored so much. His dark hair fell forward as he leaned forward and pressed his soft lips against my cheek. I turned my face to peck his lips, making a _smack _sound. I pulled away and gazed at his angular face. I guess I did have a type. He was everything I looked for in a partner. Mika was tall and lean, and he had black, elfish hair. His eyes were a jade green, and although I did prefer blue, his were still gorgeous. Other than that, and now that I thought about it, he did _strongly _resemble—

"Ooh!" Mika exclaimed and shook my shoulders. I stared at him with wide eyes. "I just remembered. Okay, earlier, while you were gone, I was listening to the radio as I was cooking dinner, hence my apron, but then the guy was like _call now! _And I did! And I won two tickets to go see Adam Lambert!"

Another dull prang at my heart. Had we been listening to the same station? Oh god, not that guy again. Why the hell did he have to have the same name?

"Oh my god, I'm so excited for us to go!" Mika went on like a fan girl. "I saw him on American Idol on satellite and wow, he was like, wow."

American Idol? Seriously? I never understood the point of that show. So basically, this Adam guy was some nobody that got lucky and was enjoying his fifteen minutes of fame. Okay then.

I never told Mika about _my _Adam. When we'd first met and told our backstories to each other, I'd just completely left Adam out. I'd told Mika that I just didn't like San Diego and moved back home. He didn't need to know… No one else had to know.

"Baby, can you find someone else to take?" I asked quietly.

Mika's face fell. "What? Why?"

"I just… I really don't want to go. Not a concert person, you know that."

I hated seeing Mika so disappointed, but understanding. He was too good to me. "Okay… I guess I'll take a friend. You'll be missing out though. Do you want to see a picture of Adam? He's real cute."

I bet. I rolled my eyes. "No, I think I'm just gonna go to the store and get you your milk and a little extra something special." I started to stand up, but Mika pulled me back down.

"You don't have to do that," he murmured into my ear, wrapping his arms around me.

I angled my head enough to smile kindly at him. "For you, I want to," I said before I kissed his nose.

"Thank you, but really, stay home. We can do something else…" he smirked devilishly, pushing me down on the couch and climbing on top of me.

"If you insist…" I laughed.

"You're beautiful," Mika gushed, "and adorable… Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Other than you? Nope," I lied, "but, come on, there's no one more gorgeous than you."

Mika nuzzled into my neck for a moment, humming contently, "I love you." His voice was muffled by my skin.

I smiled sadly at the words.

"I love you more."

~~~AUTHOR'S NOTE:

You know what I'm going to ask for...

Comment/Review? Much appreciated! ;)~~~


	2. Glam Nation

Adam:

Glam Nation.

Those two words sometimes brought a tear to my eye. It was the validation I needed to know that _yes_, I had finally made it. The years of working my ass off finally _paid _off. I could let out a sigh of relief at last. At least now I never had to worry about rent, even if this superstar fame blessed upon me faded. I finally achieved everything I could've ever wanted.

"Adam, quit standing around, man!"

I turned around in my over-heating costume to look at a glitter-clad Tommy.

"We've gotta go. Honolulu's waiting," Tommy said as he threw his arm around my shoulder, barely trying to avoid stabbing me with his bass.

I chuckled, draping my fringed sleeve over his face. "See you at Fever…"

Tommy gave me a playful shove and ducked away from my ridiculous costume. He stuck out his tongue at me as he made his way out onto the stage. Monte, Isaac, Cam, Brooke, Terrance, and Taylor all nodded and grinned at me as they joined Tommy on the stage in the darkness. I beamed at each of them as they passed, silently thanking them. Sasha stayed behind me, following my lead. I could hear the fans screaming their heads off as they noticed everyone getting into position onstage. I swallowed the small lump in my throat. I'd finished so many shows and yet, this was still so surreal to me.

Their energized chants and shrieks of anticipation rang throughout my ears. I welcomed it with an open heart. It was still so incredible. I didn't think I would ever get used to this feeling… a feeling of being adored by thousands, even millions. These amazing people… Some of them, as I liked to call them _my _Glamberts, dedicated their lives to me. It was ridiculous and awe-inspiring. I just couldn't wrap my head around the level of commitment they had for someone like me. I could never thank them enough, and this was just the beginning of my career.

I watched for the signal of the crew to motion me on.

The signal struck and Sasha whispered, "Showtime." My stomach lurched.

I took a deep breath and took hold of the microphone handed to me. I noticed my fingers shaking, but not from nerves, from excitement. This is what I wanted to do ever since I was little, and now I was living it, right here, right now. A dream I never thought possible.

In the darkness, I made my way onto the stage behind the stairs and waited as the Gaga song finished up. I took a few calming breaths and then signaled to the sound guys that I was ready. The music cut off and my intro started playing as the entire stage lit up. I immediately broke out into Voodoo, nearly getting drowned out by the sounds of the crowd screaming their heads off. I could've sworn some of them went higher than I ever could without even trying. The energy from my audience was electric, feeding me like a wildfire. All I could do in gratitude was give that energy right back at them, giving it all I had. It soon turned into a game of challenge. Who could overpower the other with their energy? They fed me and I fed them right back, looping an infinite connection between us. This was what a live concert should feel like for both sides. It was unreal.

I put every fiber of my being into my performances. Song after song, I made sure I was nothing short of perfection. These people were here for one night and I was going to make it unforgettable. I slowly stripped off my crazy, mystic costume as it was getting way too hot in there. Sweat was pooling all over me, but I welcomed the exhilaration. By the middle of the concert, I had everyone as putty in my hands. They were eating up everything I threw at them as I knew only my Glamberts would. I put on a show. I was a performer. It was my duty to tease every emotion my audience had. So, I danced during Strut, got flirty during Fever, had teary eyes in Soaked, got angry during Sleepwalker, and celebrated _life _in If I Had You. By the end of it, the crowd was exploding with pure thrill and I left them wanting more. I made sure to thank my sea of beautiful faces for making the time to come and see _me, _and then left the stage.

Backstage, everything was hectic. I was swarmed with congratulations and praises. I was panting and absolutely exhausted. This was a full-time job that took _everything _out of you. It was so worth it though. It was so much better than sitting on my ass doing nothing but pitying myself. After finally getting undressed, de-glittered, redressed, and taking a few pictures with the fans, I let out a huge exhale of a mixture of emotions as I collapsed into the limo. I was about ready to pass out.

This whole journey felt like a blur. Up until my success, it had been a struggle to get by and fight for it, but when my break finally came with Idol, everything kicked into high gear and it hadn't stopped since then. I never once thought that I'd get anywhere near this level of success. For fuck's sake, I was on a worldwide tour! I had people that loved me. That was something that was still very unfamiliar to me.

I mean, I once had one person who was everything to me, but after ten years, he'd probably forgotten about me and was very happy right now, which only brightened the smile on my face. The passion and drive I felt was because of him. I would thank the stars for the revelation he gave me almost every night in the beginning of all this.

But none of this success had been easy. It had been an uphill battle that I sometimes lost. But… I won the war. After crawling my way to the top, I realized there were mountains to go still, but instead of turning back, I became more determined and conquered them even if they dared knock me down. I put my blinders up and just focused on my goals, and it worked. I knew I made it. The first time I'd heard my song on the radio, I'd nearly died.

We arrived at the hotel, and I took no time in getting to my room and just throwing myself onto the luxurious bed. I rolled around in the covers, relishing in the cool silk that soothed my heated skin. I finally relaxed and stared up at the ceiling. This comfort was short-lived. I still had plenty more shows to go.

The tour had been going amazingly well. I had sold-out shows everywhere. The fans were adorable; dressing up like me and really going for it at the shows. During meet-and-greets, it brought me to tears when someone told me that they loved me, or that I inspired them, or that I fucking _saved their lives._ That was most rewarding part of this. If I could give what I never had when I was younger: a reason to keep going, I would be the happiest man alive. I never thought I'd say _happy _and _I_ in the same sentence, but now it was a constant thing. I was incredibly content, but I was still lonely at times. I had my _fans _and my _friends—_also two things I never thought would be integrated into my life—but I still felt like something was missing. I needed one more thing…

I scolded myself for being greedy. Adam, you had the world now. What more could you want?

I sighed, kicking off my shoes. I stripped down to nothing and dove under the covers, shivering as the cool sheets kissed my sweaty skin. I didn't bother taking a shower. I needed to get to sleep. I had a laundry list of shows to do and little energy to spread out for all of them with the amount of sleep I was getting. I closed my eyes and forced myself to relax into the pillows.

The European branch of the tour was next. I was so damn blown away that the tour was doing well enough for us to expand the dates. Okay, now I had to catch a flight. We were off tomorrow.

Next stop: Helsinki.


	3. Ladies and Gentlemen, Mika

~~~Author's note:

Keep in mind that they are speaking Finnish. I didn't really want to make everyone just google translate this entire thing, so... it's in English. You're welcome :P~~~

Sauli:

"Babe, are you sure you don't want to come to the concert tonight? I can cancel with Niko," Mika called from the bedroom, spending hours picking out his outfit for this Lambert guy.

I sighed from the living room couch, turning off the show on TV. "No, for the last time, I'm just not interested."

There was silence for a moment, followed by a saddened, "Alright…"

I played with my hands for a few minutes, getting impatient. "Would you hurry up?" I called.

"Sorry, sorry!" Mika said as he strolled out from the bedroom, completely glitter-splattered and the epitome of glam. "How do I look?" He stopped in front of me and placed his hands on his jutted-out hips. So flamboyant at times… it was kind of irritating.

Mika was shedding glitter onto the carpet with every slight movement. I watched the sparkles rain down onto the floor and then gave him a look. "I think you overdid the glitter."

"_Please,_" he rolled his jade eyes, "this is _Adam Lambert _we're talking about. Don't you know anything about him?"

I shook my head, "No, and I really don't care."

"Whatever… It's your loss." Mika winked at me and batted his drag queen fake-lashed eyes.

Mika was actually wearing a black and red feather boa and a fishnet shirt, not to mention the tiniest leather shorts covering just a little bit of his shaved legs. He looked like an extremely gay whore. It was kind of funny. There was no other way to describe him.

"You look ridiculous," I laughed.

"That's the point! Adam will love it."

"How is he going to see you?" I asked doubtingly, placing my legs onto the coffee table and crossing my arms.

"Um, _hello_, front row tickets..?" Mika bragged. He whipped the tickets out from nowhere and waved them in my face. "I think I'm also going to go see him in LA when I go on my business trip."

I rolled my eyes. "And since when are you such a big fan? You never even talk about this guy."

Mika shrugged, green eyes sparkling. "I just got into him. I would _so_ do him. Honey, really, I'm sorry, but I'd leave your ass for him." He twirled around dramatically, showing off every angle of his outfit. "Now if you'll _excuse _me, I've got a _date _with Niko."

"Hey," I stated, standing up. I glared jealously at Mika as I grabbed his wrist. "You're _mine. _I'm watching you."

Mika giggled. You know, for a guy much bigger than me, he was so much more feminine. "I know, baby, don't worry."

Mika grabbed the sides of my face and pulled me in for a loud, chaste, and playful kiss that ended with a smack. There may have been no jolt, but it sure left me dizzy.

"Are you sure you'll be okay while I'm gone?" Mika asked quietly into my ear as he wrapped his arms around me. He actually sounded concerned, dropping the exaggerated diva act for a moment.

I nodded into his hard chest. My voice was muffled, "Go, you're going to be late. Have fun, but not too much fun."

Mika snickered, bringing back the playful attitude, and kissed my forehead.

"Whatever you say, baby," he cooed, pinching my cheeks.

Mika threw me a kind smile and made his way over to the front door, slipping on his studded platform boots. I shook my head at him. Where he could find such things and use them properly was beyond me.

"You know you're probably going to block everyone else's view with those things on, right?" I reminded him.

Mika shrugged, molting more glitter. I sighed. "Honestly, I don't care. I just need Adam to notice me," he admitted. "See you later!"

"See you," I mumbled as I half-heartedly waved.

Mika blew me a kiss and ducked down now that he was freakishly tall in order to get out of the door, shutting it with a slight slam.

I sighed and plopped back down onto the couch, bored out of my mind. Why was I in such a useless mood?

I ended up literally just sitting on the cushions for a few _hours_ and moping pathetically to myself.

I guess I was still peeved and worried about my fight with Mika. They were too often and so, so stupid. I glanced over at the clock and rolled my eyes. No wonder my ass was going numb; I'd been sitting in the exact same spot, staring at a wall, for three hours now. The concert was probably over by now and Mika still wasn't home. He was most likely just out having some post-concert drinks or something. As long as he hadn't gone back to Lambert's hotel room with him, I really didn't mind. At least one of us was enjoying themselves.

I groaned and finally decided to stop being such a whiny bitch and go out, maybe try to have some fun. I wasn't going to act like a sad puppy waiting for its owner to come home. I shoved myself off the couch and went to the bedroom to get ready. I just threw on whatever I got my hands on until I thought I looked half decent. I didn't really know where I was going, but I just needed to get out of here for a while. Maybe I could go to a club or something. Drowning in drinks and forcing my lame ass to socialize with a bunch of crack-heads seemed like a pretty good idea at this point.


	4. Stranger

~~~AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hmm, updating again on the same day? That hasn't happen in like ten months since the beginning of Nirvana when I would have like 6 chapters up in one day. Oh well. Enjoy. ;)~~~

Adam:

"Well done, guys. Another kick-ass show," I said, turning around and walking backwards with my hands in the air. "Fuck yeah!"

Everyone laughed and agreed, high-fiving each other on the way out of the venue.

Tommy sat in the back of the limo with me as I got in last, slightly excited to finally get the window seat. My fabulous dancers, band, and a couple guys from management all crowded in around us, talking away about the night's shenanigans and the show. Monte complained about his epic solo, Tommy insisted his hair wasn't long enough, and Brooke apparently needed to go on a diet, blah, blah blah, the usual conversations. We dropped off a couple people at the hotel before deciding to go out to a hotspot to celebrate after an incredible Helsinki show. The language barrier was always a little tough in a foreign place, especially when trying to order a simple drink and someone brings you blended, skinless frog legs instead… That was a disgusting night. Yet, despite the obvious cultural and lingual walls, everyone always knew the lyrics to my songs. It was mind-blowing.

We entered the VIP section of the club and got ourselves a large booth with a great view of the socializers. I sat on the very edge, drumming my fingers on the table as we waited for our drinks. Out of nowhere, I felt something small and hard hit the side of my neck.

"Ouch, what the fuck?" I asked in a surprised voice, laughing a little as I looked down onto my lap to find a little lollipop nestled there. I looked up at the culprit, Cam, who was trying to look all innocent. "I saw that!"

Her act of purity immediately shut down and she playfully snapped at me, "They're free! Now start sucking, pretty boy."

I shook my head at her, chuckling, and obeyed. I didn't miss the snickers from those around the table. I took off the lollipop wrapper and stuck the little red ball into my mouth. Yummy, taste the chemicals.

The table set off into conversation after the drinks arrived, everyone chattering away with one another. Occasionally, random people would swarm our table, recognizing me and always wanting something. I guess sitting on the edge in full view wasn't the best idea. But, I played along, always polite, and gave the fans whatever they wanted… within reason. After a couple hours, I kept feeling weirder and weirder. I couldn't focus on anything. I just felt strangely out of place and uncomfortable. I tried to look calm and okay as I managed to keep up with the jokes, but I couldn't ignore this strange nagging in the back of my mind. On the outside, I probably looked just fine, but inside, I was a fidgeting wreck.

When it was finally time to leave and we were all getting up and ready, a little flash of white gold caught my eye from the far side. I did a double-take and found myself staring at the back of some blond's head. I couldn't see his face, but his body shape and something else caught my eye. He was talking to a couple people, and I could tell he was laughing from the way his toned back moved. I was intrigued. The nagging feeling in my head only intensified, begging me to make a move. I didn't think I'd ever seen him before, but he _felt_ familiar in the strangest way. I was drawn hypnotically to him and couldn't peel my eyes off of him. I didn't even notice that the group was on their way out.

"Adam, you coming?" Tommy tugged on my sleeve.

I blinked and snapped back to reality. I looked at him and without thinking about it, stuttered, "Um, n-no. You go on ahead. I'll catch up later."

I didn't want to leave. I knew if I left now, I wouldn't get any sleep. I'd toss and turn all night wondering what the hell this feeling was.

Tommy looked confused for a second, but then he looked past my shoulders at the blond. "Oh, I see," he drawled and then winked at me, taking a swig of his unfinished beer. "Have fun."

I rolled my eyes, and with that, everyone was gone. I swallowed hard and after finally building up the courage and deciding to not just stand there like a lost idiot, I slowly walked across the club, muttering apologies as I squeezed through the packed bodies and grossly gyrating hips. I made my way over to the blond, heart pounding as I did so.

Why was I so nervous?

He was a small little thing, I noticed as I towered over his back, much tinier than he appeared from afar. I could hear his conversation now, and he was obviously speaking the language, but in a much deeper voice than expected. Hmm, I thought he'd be a twink or something.

I briefly considered whether or not it'd be rude to butt into his conversation, but then I decided that I really didn't care, and anything I did could be passed off as part of my slight drunkenness.

I shakily tapped the blond on the shoulder and immediately regretted it. He cut off in the middle of his sentence and turned his head around with a smile.

I panicked.

Without even stopping to consider the stupidity of my actions, I took my lollipop out of my mouth and shoved it in between his lips. The look of shock was apparent on his pretty face.

Oh shit.

Why did I do that? Who the fuck does something like that? Adam, that was _not _how to meet people. He probably thought that was disgusting. I totally would if some random person did that to me. My hand twitched to rip it out of his mouth and then apologize on my knees, but I decided against it. I cringed and waited for him to spit it out, yell furiously, and then slap me.

Instead, to my bewilderment, he blinked a few times in surprise and took hold of the lollipop stick, bracing it as he gave it a nice suck and kept eye-contact. I stared in wonder, noting that my face probably looked idiotic.

Pretty _and _open-minded?

Adam, do not fuck this up.

That was mistake number one.

Sure, he reacted much better than you thought, but you're damn lucky that he wasn't beating the shit out of you right now for that move.

The pretty blond smiled up at me and I nearly melted. He pulled the lollipop out of his mouth and held it, giving me a sly look.

"H-hi," I muttered stupidly. "I'm so sorry about that." Did he even understand a word of what I was saying? I had to remind myself that this was Finland.

It was cool watching the gears in the blond's head shift, like he was switching between language programs. With a hint of an accent, he replied with a laugh, "Hi. No problem. It's delicious." His chuckle was light and hearty, and I just had to join in nervously. His English seemed to come more naturally than most. I briefly wondered if he'd been to the states before.

He didn't seem to recognize who I was and I greatly appreciated that. I really wanted one night where I didn't have to try to calm a person down and then take a picture with them without a conversation, only to have them run away with their new Facebook profile pictures of us, and leaving me like I was some sort of exhibit, not a person. Actually, I seemed to be more nervous and agitated than he was, and I couldn't figure out why.

"Are you having fun?" I asked, gesturing to the dance floor. I was so lame.

The blond looked around, frowning a little, and then he rolled his eyes, dropping the outgoing and cheerful act. "Honestly? Not really. I came here alone, so…" he said, shrugging politely. He gave the lollipop another suck and I couldn't help but stare and nearly drool at the way his lips wetly molded around the ball. I could imagine his tongue lapping at it inside his mouth. God, I was desperate and pathetic. I didn't even realize that he'd noticed me staring until he pulled it out, held it out to me, and amusedly said, "Would you like this back?"

I snapped back to reality and mentally slapped myself for making it so obvious. "We can share," I mumbled. It was my lame-ass excuse to taste him.

The blond grinned and offered the lollipop to me. I didn't hesitate when I took it from him, shuddering as a jolt shot through my arm when our fingers touched. I popped the candy into my mouth and licked at the already moist surface. I could taste a hint of mint on it, and I felt a small twitch in my pants, knowing it was from him. I didn't break eye contact with the guy as I sucked, but not because of sexual reasons… mostly, but because I just couldn't tear my eyes away for whatever reason.

Please be single, please be gay. I just really wanted to have some fun during the stress of this tour. This guy was… I didn't know. I gazed into his big, blue eyes, speculating. There was a really strong connection there and a strange pull. I could feel it. We'd barely exchanged any words, yet I felt close to him, like I could just grab him and touch him, and he'd be okay with it. I wondered if he felt it too. It didn't really seem like it. Normally, I could feel the nerves radiating off of people, but he didn't seem fazed at all by my presence.

His face looked like it was sculpted sharply out of the finest ivory, and there was just something about it that made me confused. _Why did he feel so familiar? _Goddammit, it was bothering me.

"Well, if you're bored, I can try to liven it up for you. Let me get you a drink," I insisted, nodding my head over to the bar.

The blond hesitated for a second, and I felt my stomach knot, fearing rejection.

"Sure," he said after a moment, and I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. Pull it together, Adam.

I beamed at him and led the way over to the bar after handing him back the lollipop. The blond took a seat on one the stools while I attempted to order something. He noticed the look of confusion on the bartender's face and the one of frustration on mine and stepped in, saying the drink's name effortlessly.

I threw the blond an embarrassed smile and muttered, "Thanks," as I sat down next to him.

He chuckled and replied, "No problem. It's cute that you tried."

I wasn't one to duck my head in shame, _ever_, but I was seriously considering it right now. I totally lost my cool with this one. I was acting like a quirky and awkward teenage boy, not a sophisticated, international star. Why wasn't he acting like me? If I sort of familiarized with, or recognized him, didn't that mean that he should too?

"Say…" I muttered in a low voice, looking over my drink at the blond and scrutinizing, "Do I know you from somewhere?"

The blond took a sip of his drink and furrowed his brow, looking hard at me.

"I don't think so…?" he said, sticking the lollipop back into his mouth.

"Okay," I shrugged. "It's just that you look… familiar."

"Well, I was on Big Brother here, maybe you watched that?" he offered.

I shook my head, still studying his face. I sighed and tore my eyes away from his, throwing my head back and downing the rest of my pink-colored drink. It burned as it ran down my dry throat.

There was a big crash from somewhere in the back followed by a bunch of excited cheers. Oh, how I loved drunken people.

The blond finished his drink and grimaced at the club before looking at me pleadingly. "I don't think I'm going to stay here any longer," he said. "Clubs aren't my thing." I guess the needy and worried look on my face made him pity me. "…You're welcome to join me if you'd like."

I tried not to act excited and pretty much just failed.

"Um, would you like to come back to my hotel… with me…?" I asked, shyness lacing my voice.

I knew it was pretty risky to ask, but I didn't want to let him go yet. This weird pulse in the back of my head just wasn't going away and I wanted to try to find out more. I was missing something and I knew it. I wondered how creepy it was considered to ask a complete stranger to leave a bar with you… Well, actually, that sounded pretty normal for a bar situation.

Grinning, the blond nodded at me, elated that I agreed to hang out with him, and I nearly fell over. I mirrored his happy expression and gestured toward the exit. The blond got up and waited as I hurriedly paid for the drinks, throwing cash out onto the counter and yelling out, "Keep the change!" knowing fully well the bartender had no clue what I was saying.

The blond followed me willingly and chucked the lollipop stick into the trash on the way out. I opened the door for him as a nice gesture, noting his grin as I did so, and we left the bar, entering the dark streets. I looked around, overwhelmed by how this place was so foreign to me. It wasn't like back in LA where I could walk out of any building blindfolded and drunk and still manage find my way home.

Fuck, I forgot that the crew took the limo back. Ugh, I didn't want to pay for a taxi since I knew the hotel was at least within walking distance. I sort of, _maybe_, knew the way back to the hotel by foot here? Oh well, I'd figure it out.

The nagging feeling returned and it was getting ridiculous. I couldn't stop staring at the Finn. There was something about those oceanic irises that felt… _safe_…

~~~AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Comment/Review or I'll find you and hurt you.~~~


	5. Dream Come True or Nightmare?

~~~AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Here's chapter five. Enjoy... maybe.~~~

Sauli:

I agreed to leave with this man, knowing I wouldn't pull anything. I wasn't going to cheat on my boyfriend just because I was a little upset. It was just a friendly get-to-know-each-other type of thing. I'd be fine. I didn't really know what his intentions were, but he seemed nice enough.

When I'd turned around and saw him smiling down at me, my heart had started pounding, and I had no idea why. I'd managed to keep my composure though. Maybe it was because he looked a heck of a lot like Mika? His facial structure and body shape were strikingly similar even under all the makeup and clothes. Really, the only thing that stood out as different was his hair, which was shorter on one side and fringed over on the other. And I couldn't help but notice… glitter? Who put glitter in their hair? He was never going to be able to get that out.

And obviously, he wasn't from around here. He was clearly American. In my head, I was trying to brush up on my English again, letting it all flow back. I'd barely used it in the last ten or so years, but I hadn't forgotten anything. It was like riding a bike; it stuck with you even if you were out of practice.

I guess we were walking back to his hotel since he never stopped us to get into a car. The walk was very strange. There was thick tension in the air, yet it wasn't awkward. I couldn't quite explain it, but I was very aware of this man's presence next to me. I found myself getting nervous and sweaty for no apparent reason. I wasn't afraid of him. In fact, I could sense he was like a big teddy bear. I always had good intuition about people; I could tell who was faking and who was not. So, I knew I wasn't going to be taken to the middle of nowhere and left for dead, especially if we were walking. But still, I felt so odd. Even as we chatted very casually about random things, mostly Finnish customs, I had this urge to just stop him and stare really hard at him.

I also noticed that he couldn't stop touching me. Nothing perverted or weird, but he would brush up against me, or throw his arm over my shoulders, or grab my elbow... They weren't very subtle, but we were both slightly drunk, so I could understand. He wasn't crossing any boundaries, and it's not like I really minded anyway.

Yet, every single time he contacted me, whether it was through skin or not, jolts ran throughout my body. These electric sparks that were no coincidence since it happened every single time.

The most shocking one came when the mood sank from a bubbly conversation to something a little deeper and I suddenly found the sides of my face in between his gentle hands and his face a little too close. I smiled at him but was terrified that he was going to try to kiss me. I didn't know what I'd do if he attempted that.

To my relief, he ended up just staring hard at me like I'd been trying to get peeks of. Neither of us actually brought it up, but I thought he probably sensed the jolts too and was as confused as I was. I guess he couldn't take it anymore. He'd said he thought he recognized me, and now I knew what he was talking about. There was just something there. For reasons unknown, even though this was a complete stranger to me, I had an overwhelming sense of trust and _home_.

We finally arrived at his hotel room and the tension relaxed slightly. I heard him sigh subtly as we entered the luxurious suite. I found myself whistling at how extravagant the place was. How'd he afford such a high-class room? He chuckled at my expression and smiled at me as he took off his jacket and set it down on the bed. He made his way over to the fridge as I settled down at the table and took in all the little details of the gorgeous room.

"Wine?" he asked as he gestured to the bottles in the fridge.

I nodded eagerly, nearly drooling at the promising brand names. He beamed and took out a bottle and a couple glasses. He set them on the table and poured the rich-looking liquid evenly into the glasses. He handed one to me and we toasted silently to Finland. I took a small sip and almost fainted. Where the hell did he get his hands on such heavenly fluids? I took a big gulp and nearly moaned. I could see him watching me over the top of his glass as he drank.

Those pale blue eyes of his were bothering me. It was like trying to remember a dream.

"So," I said as I placed my glass onto the table. "What brings you to Helsinki?"

The man swallowed his wine and pursed his lips, seemingly pondering that question for a second.

"Actually, I'm here on business," he said with a smile. "I'm a performer."

"Ah," I nodded. "And you are from America, right?"

"Yep," he confirmed. "I grew up in sunny San Diego, moved to Los Angeles as soon as I was able to." He scratched his chin and frowned a little.

"Why the move? San Diego sounds lovely," I said casually, knowing fully well I'd already lived there once upon a time.

"Never really had a good… family life, if you know what I mean. I was pretty much alone. Sometimes it got to me, and I ended up doing things I regret…" He shrugged. "I had to get out of there, too many bad memories."

He was trying hard to keep it vague, which I didn't mind of course. He wasn't going to go into full detail about his life to a stranger and I'd learned the hard way not to push people. I'd become a bit more reserved over the years.

"I know what you mean," I admitted, deciding not to mention San Diego because he'd ask why I moved and I really didn't feel like explaining that mess. "My family life was terrible. I haven't seen my parents in years."

He was really staring intently at me now with something strange in his eyes, like a question.

"Here, look. It's faded now, but you can see that it got bad," I said, pulling up my sleeve.

I put my arm-length faded scar on display, not thinking anything of it.

His questioning eyes trailed down to my arm. After a slight moment, they widened and he gasped, stiffening a little.

I furrowed my brow, slightly confused. What was so shocking about an old scar?

He looked like he was about to throw up out of nowhere. His face was suddenly sickly white.

His terrified pale eyes kept flickering between my face and my arm, as if something was _clicking_ for him.

I pulled my sleeve back down, totally taken aback by his reaction, but he suddenly grabbed my wrist and pulled the sleeve back up, stroking his thumb over the length of the scar.

I watched him with apprehensive eyes, getting uncomfortable. Okay, this was a little too close for comfort and a nudge away from my boundaries. I never let people just start touching my scar like that. Another jolt ran throughout me, and I couldn't bear to tear my arm away. I could feel his tension through his touch.

He finally let go and settled his trembling hands into his lap to hide them. He peered up at me with his face hung low, eyes moist.

His voice croaked hard like he was struggling to even speak as he asked, "What… did you say your name was?"

I still had no clue what his problem was. I was calm as a cucumber, whereas this guy was about to collapse.

"I didn't," I said, and frowned a little, realizing we never actually introduced ourselves. How weird.

I continued, "But, it's Sauli."

I could see him shaking just a little. The man's eyes squeezed shut as if that totally wasn't what he wanted to hear, but was expecting. Tears escaped the corners of his eyes and ran down his cheeks.

My alarm went off. What the hell did I say to make him _cry?_

"Are you okay?" I asked, panicking a little. I was more than a little uncomfortable that I was in some stranger's hotel room and he just suddenly started crying after hearing my name. "What happened?" I reached out to touch his arm in concern and he flinched.

"You need to leave," he said, barely above a strangled whisper. "_Please."_

He stood up abruptly and headed to the door. I followed him in complete shock. He reached for the doorknob and his sleeve pulled back a little. I squinted and then my eyes widened.

"Wait!" I exclaimed.

I grabbed his wrist before he could open the door. I could feel him trembling in my grasp as he tried to tug away.

"_Please,"_ he said again, like he couldn't manage anything else, trying to squirm free.

I ignored him, my maternal, scolding side coming out. I pulled up his sleeve and glanced at all the pale, nearly faded, but _numerous _scars crisscrossing his arm. Some scars were more visible than others, and some had probably faded completely. I dropped his arm and grabbed the other, doing the same thing. And again, faded scars were everywhere. I felt a horrible pit of pity form in stomach.

"What happened?" I whispered, being nosy but not really caring at this point. I took firm hold of both of his wrists, afraid he'd try to open the door and kick me out before telling me.

He didn't reply for a long minute. I stared hard at his slightly reddened eyes and he stared back, trembling more so with every second of looking at my face. His tears just got thicker with every passing moment.

He eventually sighed in defeat, sounding miserable.

"I said I let my family issues get to me…" he mumbled quietly, voice hoarse. I nodded, trying to follow along. "I was a loner with no friends, my father was an abusive drunk, and I had no mother. My father… he'd… hurt me. A lot… And these," he looked down at the scars with regret on his face, "are the result of my pain… but I finally stopped when an angel came into my life…"

He peered up at me and sort of smiled, more depressing than anything.

"But then… he left my life again when his job was complete," he finished.

He wouldn't let go of eye contact as he said this, like he was telling me a riddle only I knew the answer to, and still hoped I wouldn't understand.

"Strange," I said, taking only one arm again and examining the faded lines and gashes thoroughly. His hands were balled up into tight fists. "I once had a boyfriend with a very similar story, if not exact. I'm sorry that you went through that."

I stroked over a couple scars, but then noticed that his breathing was suddenly very strained.

I looked up at his face and he was crying a silent river now through tightly closed eyes.

I was stunned for a moment before looking back down at his arm then back up at him, trying to figure out why his crying got worse whenever I said something.

Repeatedly, I glanced up at his face then down at his arms, and everything was overwhelmingly familiar. I was trying to fit puzzle pieces together. Obviously, there was a reason he was just standing here almost… waiting?

He opened his eyes and they pierced through me, so intense, and I felt my stomach flip from the déjà vu. The pale blue had melted into a deeper color because of his tears… just like Adam's used to.

He still hadn't told me his name. My heart stopped briefly. My eyes flickered over this guy so fast I became dizzy. His story, his scars, his face, his eyes… It all finally clicked and hit me like backhand to the face. No way. It couldn't be. Impossible. I was delusional, but…

"…Adam…?" I tried, barely above a whisper, peering up at him tentatively.

His eyes closed and he let out a deep breath like I cracked the code. But, but, _NO._ It made no sense. It couldn't be…

"…Hi, baby," he whispered.

His words struck me so hard that I dropped his arms and staggered back a few feet, catching myself on a wall. The sound of his words rang throughout my ears, so familiar and bringing back sweet memories that only his voice could unlock.

"_What?"_I hissed, barely able to hear myself over the sound of my pounding heart.

He said nothing and just watched me freak out, tears still streaming down his face. My eyes stung and my throat felt impossibly tight. I stared at his miserable figure with bewilderment and horror plastered onto my face, trying to _make sure_ as it all sank in painfully.

This couldn't be happening.

It was_ him_. He was _Adam_, unmistakably so.

It all made sense so fast that my head spun, and I felt myself about to gag from the shock. All the tension, the jolts, _everything _was because of _him._ He was the only one who had that power over me… Adam.

This was _Adam_ standing in front of me.

I shook my head at him in disbelief.

How had I not seen it earlier? Oh right, maybe because…

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!" I flipped out. "HOW? How the fuck?!"

"Shh!" he hissed gently. "You'll scare the other rooms."

His voice was unbearable.

I broke down and fell to my knees, sobbing, unable to contain anything. I was literally having a panic attack. It was all clicking and becoming so much more obvious. He was a performer, here on business. Mika went to a concert. His name was Adam fucking Lambert. Oh my god. He was the singer. This was the singer Mika saw tonight. _Oh my god._

_Adam_ was immediately at my side, trying to shush me and asking me to calm down. He touched my shoulder and I flinched hard.

"You're not real!" I was in denial. "You died. I _know _you died. This is a dream," I tried convincing myself hysterically.

"Sauli…"

My stomach flipped at the sound of his voice saying my name. _Oh my god. _

"Sauli," he tried again as I was shaking and flailing about on the ground. "Please, calm down! I'm here, I'm fine. I didn't die… thank goodness."

"You're alive," I squeaked, barely able to see him through my tears. I blinked them away and focused hard on his face. I was shaking so hard that I looked like I was vibrating.

I could see it. It was really, truly him.

I couldn't help myself. I launched at Adam, tackling him to the ground. I wrapped my arms around his waist in a crushing hug and buried my face into his chest, sobbing violently. Adam stiffened underneath me for a minute before finally melting into the hug and wrapping his arms around me. So familiar… I missed this feeling of security so much. I cried harder.

"Where have you been?!" I half-shrieked into his chest. "HOW?! I just, I can't, how the?!"

There were too many questions and I didn't know where to fucking start.

Adam kept hushing me from underneath and stroked my hair gently, attempting to soothe me, but he only made it worse. The touches were so goddamn familiar. I felt like I was eighteen again.

"I never died." His beautiful voice was muffled by my hair. "I've been trying to live like you wanted me to."

Adam tried to sit up, but I remained a crying mess, crawled up into a ball on his lap, refusing to let go of him. He just let me cry it out and vibrate in his hold until I could console myself and gather my thoughts enough to listen to him. When the tears stopped but the breathing was still a mess, he gently pushed me off, placing me in front of him. My body stung without the contact.

I opened my mouth to speak, utterly confused and shocked because the love of my life was alive and _here,_ but I was cut off by the sound of my cellphone's muffled ringing in my pocket. I groaned and ignored it, gazing fixedly at Adam, trying to rememorize every detail of his gorgeous face. I subconsciously started pinching myself hard, attempting to wake up.

"Stop it, you'll hurt yourself," Adam muttered, pulling my hand away from my skin. I almost whimpered from his touch. He _still _got upset if I was in the slightest bit of pain. "And you should answer that. It could be important."

I was in a trance from his voice and the shock of it all. Adam brought me out it by snapping his fingers in front of my face. I blinked several times before shakily reaching into my pocket and taking out my phone.

"Hello?" I asked, trying to keep my voice level and probably failing. "Oh…" I looked up at Adam. It was Mika. "At the bar… No worries, I'll be home soon…" Oh god, I'd completely forgotten about him. I didn't know how the fuck I was ever going to be able to leave this room. "Okay… love you too," I muttered quickly and hung up.

"Who was that?" Adam asked.

"No one," I mumbled.

"Sauli," he said. A felt a chill go up my spine. God, I was not going to get used to him coming back from the dead. "I'm not four."

I sighed shakily. "…Boyfriend," I mumbled quietly.

"Hmm? Can't understand you."

"My boyfriend," I stated, clearer now.

"Oh…"

Adam frowned for a moment, looking a bit heartbroken, but then a dazzling and sad smile broke out on his face. What the fuck?

"I knew this would happen," he said quietly to himself. He looked up at me and continued with another slight smile, "I'm happy for you."

That broke my heart.

It went quiet for a minute. Adam was staring at his lap.

"…How long…?" his voice was almost inaudible.

I cringed, knowing that question was coming. "Just over a year," I mumbled, looking away.

When Adam didn't answer, I looked back at him to find him still staring at his lap, face hidden. I saw a tear drop down onto his leg. I frowned.

"So much longer than us…" Adam's voice was hoarse again. Another tear dropped. My heart hurt so badly for him. I felt my eyes sting.

"No, baby," I insisted, crawling over to him. "You don't even know how much I've missed you. You're actually here… " I said as I wrapped my arms around his side. Adam didn't pull me into the embrace. I tried to lean in a little, to feel those lips against mine again after who knew how long…

But then, Adam pulled off my arms and pushed me away gently, sighing loudly.

"What—" I tried, but was cut off.

"—Sauli, I'm not going to be your little _affair,_" he sneered. "That's not fair to anyone."

"I can break up with him," I offered.

Adam gave me a disappointed look. "You wouldn't dare… How could you break someone's heart like that? Would you tell him you're just dumping him for someone else? Don't be _that _jerk…"

I paused for a minute, feeling everything in me sink. "You don't want me," I stated simply.

Adam rolled his eyes, and stood up, towering over me. I followed him immediately, not backing down. He crossed his arms and gazed intently into my eyes. I stared back defiantly and angrily.

"I've never stopped loving you," Adam said surely in a hard voice. "Not. Once. But, for years, knowing you were okay was enough for me to go on."

My throat felt raw as I realized what he was saying. "You knew I was alive, didn't you…?" I said through clenched teeth. "All these years… And you never came after me?"

He studied me for a moment. "Yes, I knew," Adam said sadly.

It was like a slap to the face.

"But, I didn't come after you… only because I wanted you to have a better life. I was nothing but misery for you," he concluded.

"_Better?"_ I hissed. "Are you trying to tell me that you left me depressed for _years _thinking you were _dead and rotting _somewhere while you frolicked around getting attention from the media?! Are you fucking kidding me?!"

His tone was sharp and clipped, "Don't you fucking say that. You have _no _idea what I went through to get to this point. I did all of this for _you_! Everything I am is for you. I never gave up on myself because I thought I'd be letting you down."

"How would you disappointing me even work if I thought you were a fucking corpse?!" I half-yelled. "You have some pretty pathetic excuses! _Letting me down,_ are you stupid?! Just tell me that you moved on, it's simple!"

"Please don't tell me I don't want you," Adam's voice was strangled. "You have no clue how hard it's been. How hard it is _right now_. I never found another love. _Never_. But you did…"

"Because I thought you were dead!" I was yelling now, and I didn't care who heard. "Do you really think I would have even looked at anyone else if I knew you were alive?! And apparently, you were planning on letting me go my entire life thinking you were just bones now."

"I wanted you to be happy!" Adam was yelling too, but I could tell it was much harder for him. He really didn't want to. "I'm bad for your life. That was proved when you nearly died because of me!"

"But I didn't. I woke up and you were long _gone, _Adam." I felt a thrill go through me from saying his name. "How do you think that made me feel?! Even when you somehow found out I was alive, you still steered clear. Fuck you!" I kept yelling, blood boiling. "The happiest moments of my life were with _you_, why don't you fucking understand that?! You were _worth it._"

Adam's angry mask cracked for a second before returning. "Well, you're in a _happy _relationship now, so just return to it," he hissed.

I was stunned. "You actually want me to pretend that I didn't just find out you're alive. What the _fuck,_ Adam? You asshole… You're_ such_ a fucking asshole." My voice was cracking and I was on the verge of tears again.

"Stop," Adam said in a hard voice.

"God, I can't fucking believe you. I gave you everything! And you just gave up on all of it! I can't even _understand _how someone could be such a heartless bastard!"

"_Stop._" Adam's hands were balled into clenched fists and his eyes never left the ground as I bombarded him. I could see a switch on his face. He looked frustrated.

"But, who cares how I felt? And what were you doing this entire time that I was struggling to get by without you?! Oh you know, just enjoying the spotlight, making money, and probably fucking more willing guys than you could count!"

"_ENOUGH!" _Adam screamed.

Before I could react, he exploded in my face and I felt a sharp hit against my mouth and cheek, and I slammed elbow-first to the wooden floor, making a pained sound. I was left with an agonized jaw and a dizzy head. The room went completely quiet for a moment after that.

I shakily touched my bruised lip and pulled back, seeing fresh blood staining my fingertips. My breaths were heavy and hard.

"_Oh my god,"_ Adam cried out, immediately sinking down to his knees and reaching for me. "Sauli, I'm so sorry!"

Keeping my hand against my sharply aching cheek, I scrambled away and my back hit the wall before Adam could touch me. I stared up at him in horror, mirroring his expression. He did not just hit me.

Adam froze mid-reach and his lip quivered at seeing me so terrified of him, knowing I didn't want him touching me. He burst out into tears and sank down to the ground, back against the bed, folding his knees up into his face, and crying loudly into them.

Through his sobs, he managed out, "That hasn't happened in so long… Why _now?_" He was blubbering. I couldn't make sense of what he was referring to. "I'm so, so sorry. You can't forgive me. What have I done? Why _him?_!"

After a minute of confusing and what I thought were random half-sentences, Adam finally said something I could make sense of.

"Sauli, please leave before I hurt you again. I'm so fucking sorry," Adam cried into his knees.

I didn't know what was worse, the fact that he wanted me gone, or that he wasn't sure if he _wouldn't _attack me again.

I was appalled and shaken. I just stared frozenly at the regretful mess in front of me. I kept wincing at the pain in the side of my face. No one had ever hit me like that. And now that it happened, it was at the hand of… Adam. I didn't know what to do. Right now, I was petrified of him. I didn't even want to try to console him and tell him that it was okay. I didn't think I could forget what he just did.

"_Please, leave," _he begged, cries muffled by his arms.

Trembling, I did as he asked. I got up and stumbled over to the door, fighting back tears of pain. Adam made no move to stop me. He didn't even look up. I glanced at him one more time in worry and anger before opening the door and leaving without another word. I maybe slammed the door a little too hard. I paused outside of his door, breathing hard and shakily to myself, trying to wrap my head around what just happened.

I heard talking on the other side after a minute. Confused, I pressed my ear against the door and heard Adam's muffled voice speaking to someone.

"Shut up!" I heard Adam cry desperately through a sob. "How the fuck are you back?!"

What the… Who the hell was he talking to?

After a moment of no reply, Adam continued, "But, I kept you buried."

My eyes widened, and I forgot about the screaming pain in my face for a minute.

There was another moment of complete silence. Adam cried, "God, he probably hates me. I've lost him. Why'd you have to fucking smash his face in?! He thinks I did it!"

I backed away from the door slowly with wide eyes, having heard enough. I knew perfectly well that there was no one else in there, so what the actual fuck?

I tasted the metallic sting of my bloody lip and grimaced as the ache in my jaw and cheek came back. Scared and bewildered, I left without another word.

~~~AUTHOR'S NOTE

Whoops. Comment?~~~


	6. Voice

Adam:

I couldn't believe this fucking night. How could everything just turn from such glory to such a nightmare? I would've never expected to just run into Sauli like this. Sure, I'd known in the back of my head that this was the city he'd returned to years ago when we came here for the concert, but I'd ignored it, thinking that since it'd been a decade, he was long gone somewhere else.

It all made sense now though, why I was so drawn to him at the club. Kill me. Now that I thought about it, I realized how _blind _I must've been to not recognize his face and the feeling he gave me immediately. He hadn't recognized me either, not even from being a household name, though it was a bit more excusable since he'd spent the last ten years of his life thinking I was dead.

I felt so fucking stupid for talking to him in hopes of taking him back to the hotel and getting lucky… Fuck me and my stupid flirty shit. I regretted it with every fiber of my being. When I first went up to him, how in the hell was I supposed to know it was_ him_ out of all people? If I'd known, I would've bulldozed people down trying to get the hell out of there. I didn't _want _to see him again. No wait, that was inaccurate. I still wanted him. I wanted to hold him still and gaze at him for hours, but I _couldn't._ I _shouldn't _have seen him again because… Well, look what happened.

I'd hit him. The one person I'd sworn to protect with my life needed protection _from _me. It wasn't just some pathetic smack either. I'd slammed my furious fist into his face with all my might. His lip bled, and his cheek had started swelling before he left. The pain on Sauli's face… and the sheer _terror _after it happened... It was going to haunt me. I'd tried to apologize and help him up, but he'd actually scrambled to get away from me… It'd shocked me. I'd felt a horrible sinking feeling deep in my pit when he'd tried to escape me, looking up at me like I was some bloodthirsty monster. That one gesture of fear hurt me in a way I couldn't explain.

My memories of the past had been shoved into the deepest corners of my mind to make sure I wasn't reminded of the horrors, but that sometimes didn't work. The instant I saw the scar on his arm, all of my memories of Sauli came pouring back. That was when I felt my control slip away. The control I'd kept for so long had just faded. I'd snapped and lost myself, tucking into the shadows as _he _took over.

It may have been my body, but it wasn't _me _who had savagely lost it on him. I just couldn't explain that to Sauli. He just knew that I'd lost control and attacked him. He didn't know the psychotic reasoning behind it. He didn't know that for that split second, I hadn't been _Adam_ anymore; this body hadn't belonged to me. The Adam he probably hated now had gone dormant.

Goddammit, Sauli! It wasn't me! It was _him._

"_So, that was the boy in your fantasies you've annoyed me to death with," _the voice said, snickers echoing in my head. I clenched my fists tighter. "_Though now, he looks nothing like your absurd thoughts. He's quite something. Delicious…" _He licked his lips, gold eyes glinting hungrily in my mind._ "Do you have any idea how good it felt to shut him up like that? I did you a favor. You're welcome. I wish you could have been out as well when I punched him. It was like euphoria, the kind you feel after a good fucking."_

"Shut up!" I screamed, having zero patience for his bullshit. "How in the fuck are you back?!"

The voice chuckled mischievously, not even a little bit intimidated by my yelling. "_You know, I'm not really sure. It's been a while since I've taken control. Guess you're losing your focus. You lost your practiced cool for a second and gave me an opportunity. I took it and used it quite well, if I may add." _I could see him grinning crookedly. "_But, I feel this… strength. You've weakened. I guess I'm back, bitch."_

"But, I kept you buried." My heart started stuttering, distressed from what he was telling me.

He shrugged. "_Well, you obviously didn't do a good job of it, dumbass."_

"Why'd you have to fucking hit him? He thinks I did it!" I buried my face into my hands and pulled at my hair a little.

"_All that complaining was seriously getting on my nerves. God, I couldn't even hide to avoid hearing his ridiculous shrieking. The little fuck needs to learn some manners. I think I'm going to teach him some…"_

My eyes snapped open. "Oh fuck no," I said, voice hard as rock. "I'm not letting you anywhere near him. If you think I'm going to go after him and apologize, you're wrong. He'll hate me, but that doesn't matter. He doesn't know how much better off he is without this body. You know it's partly why I never went after him. It's because of _you._ I love him, but with _you _putting him in risk, I can't bear to have him… not like he'd want to be with me now anyway…"

"_Boohoo. You're such a fucking pussy." _He shook his head like he was ashamed to even be near me. "_Fine, don't go after him. Like I care."_

I slammed my fists into my head, squeezing hard, pointlessly trying to get the voice to _stop._ "Why is this _happening?"_ I desperately asked the universe. "I was doing just fine!"

"_How long did you think you could try to hide me? You just let the tension build up and I exploded out at the right time. Ignoring me won't help you get rid—"_

"—Shut the fuck _up_! I don't want to hear your _bullshit!_" I hissed, crossing my arms defiantly, staring hard at the door.

Whenever given the chance, he liked to blurt out this weird, riddle-like nonsense to me, but I always cut him off or ignored it. I was not going to listen to what a demonic parasite in my head had to say. Next thing I knew, he'd probably tell me that I should go off and merrily massacre children for fun, like a lot of prisoners and asylum patients did when they listened to the voices inside of their heads.

He gave me a frustrated glare, eyes narrowing into slits. What the hell was his problem? "_Whatever. Your fucking loss. And it's not nonsense."_

"Just. Go. _Away._"

I was sitting here on the floor, talking to a voice in my head that could take control over my body at supposedly any given moment and had just attacked the once love of my life.

I needed a straitjacket… seriously.

Maybe a nicely padded cell too.

I could feel the doppelganger roll his eyes and make a noise of disgust before his image and voice disappeared from my head.

He was gone… for now.

God, what was it that had made him come out like that, and at _that _particular moment?

I used to not be able to talk to him. When this first started ten years ago, he could only twitch my muscles and say a couple things to me before fading out. Over the years, it kept getting worse, but I'd managed to learn to suppress him enough to just keep him at bay, maybe only harassing me mentally every once in a while. I assumed he came out whenever I got angry. That was _probably _wrong since there were incidences when I wasn't remotely upset and he'd popped out, but for the most part, by controlling my temper and moods, I'd been okay. I'd thought that was the fix, but no, even after years, he was still here, tormenting me in the one place I couldn't escape him: My mind. I'd just managed to keep him from taking complete control for a good while… until today.

A sharp knock at the door made me jump.

I stared with wide eyes for a long time, not knowing what to do.

Another set of knocks came, more impatient and urgent this time.

"Coming," I called out in a croak after a moment of hysterically considering it, failing my attempt to not sound like I was crying.

I shakily pushed myself off the floor, wincing when I felt my fist throb in pain. I'd hit Sauli so hard that it damaged me as well. I shuddered a little at the thought.

Grabbing the door handle, I paused for a second and took several deep breaths.

Please, don't be Sauli, _please._

Using my sleeve, I tried to wipe off anything that was on my face. I hoped I didn't look a mess. Yeah right, I probably looked like a raccoon.

I swung the door open and there stood Tommy with a confused expression on his face that only intensified when his eyes landed on my puffy and reddened eyes. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't relieved to see him and not Sauli.

"Are you okay, man?" Tommy asked, eyeing me up and down with suspicion. "We heard yelling."

I cleared my throat. "Yeah, that's just the TV." God, I sounded awful.

Tommy gave me a strange look and peered over my shoulder. "Um, Adam…?"

"Hmm?" I couldn't trust my voice.

"The TV's not on…"

"Oh…" I muttered stupidly. "That's because…" I couldn't think of anything.

I sighed. God, I sucked, and Tommy Joe was no idiot.

"Man, you look like someone just died. What happened?" Tommy questioned intently, sounding a little panicked as he stuck out his arm to block the door when I attempted to slowly close it.

"Look, can you just pretend to believe me? I really need to be alone." My voice sounded exhausted.

He nodded slowly after a moment of scrutinizing my face, still concerned. "If you need someone to talk to…"

"Not right now," I said immediately, voice cracking. Fuck. I lowered my voice into a whisper, unable to stomach another horrible croaking sound. "Don't tell anyone…"

"Okay..." Tommy threw me one last worried look, taking his forearm off the door. "See you later…"

"Bye," I squeaked, closing the door before he could say anything else. Poor Tommy, he really didn't want to try to push me. I appreciated that. I felt bad for just shoving him away like that.

I trudged over to the mirror on the wall, nearly gasping at how ridiculous I looked.

My eyes weren't only red and puffy, but they were smeared in black eyeliner, and I really did look like a raccoon… or a panda. My eyes-lashes were clumped together from my soggy mascara. I had huge, wet bags under my eyes that had pools of sweat and black liquid in them. My nose looked swollen and pink from all of the sniffling I'd done. My lips had cracked and dried from all the frantic breathing through my mouth. There were gnarly tracks of eyeliner running down my cheeks all the way past my jawline. My stupid, glittery hair was glued to my forehead and the sides of my face from the tears and sweat.

I shook my head in disbelief at my appearance. I hadn't looked like this much of a mess in over ten years. I may have felt a little empty at times, but in general, I'd been happy for the last decade, despite the secret I had about this freak in my head. I used to look in the mirror and see someone who had made it and was successful against the odds, but now… I looked in the mirror and saw nothing but a frightened, miserable little boy. Of course, as soon as Sauli reappeared, so did my haunting past, bringing the unwanted emotions I hadn't felt in so long with it.

One last time, I glared at my reflection before making my way over to the edge of the bed. I stood there for a few minutes, not moving, taking in everything that had happened. Then, I just let myself fall face first onto the mattress.

I didn't even bother to clean up my face. What was the point if I was only going to blubber some more? I started shaking with every sob, and I ended up crying on my stomach, face buried in the pillows, for _hours._ I cried until my eyes felt like they were shriveling up in my sockets and threatening to fall out.

After I decided I'd ruined this day enough, I told myself repeatedly that it was going to be alright. I needed to try to stay positive; it was the only push I had for many years. Everyone had their bad days, and I just happened to have the worst-case end of that stick. This was a one-time incident and I could go back to being normal… well, as normal as I could be. I was glad I was leaving tomorrow for the next show. I didn't have to risk seeing and hurting Sauli again.

At least now, if he saw me anywhere near him out of another cruel twist of fate, he'd run the other way. Why would he ever want to look at the monster that'd attacked him? It hurt knowing that he probably and wrongfully detested me so much for something that wasn't under my control. To be hated by the _one _person I'd sell my soul for… it was probably for the best.


	7. Desperate Measures

Sauli:

I was still shaking when I got home. My mind just couldn't wrap around everything that'd just happened. How had everything gone so wrong? Fuck me for deciding to go out and be social. I should've stayed home and continued to wallow in my self-hatred. Being utterly miserable with myself was a thousand times better than what had happened tonight. I could live with the depression, but I'd rather someone broke every one of my bones a thousand times over than to relive the past few hours.

I snuck into the apartment and shut the front door very quietly, hoping to head straight to bed without riling up Mika. But of course, as hard as I tried not to, the floorboards creaked lightly as soon as I put weight on them. I cringed like there were gunshots next to my ears. Shit. And as if on cue, Mika appeared around the corner of the hall. He had some freaky sixth sense about my presence.

When his post-concert glittered face came into view with a bright smile plastered on it. I nearly started crying. I didn't realize I'd be so happy to see him. The smile faded immediately as he took in my appearance.

"Oh my god!" Mika panicked, eyes widening at my damaged, shameful face. He ran over to me with concern.

His hands were immediately on my face, turning my head this way and that. I winced from the pain even though his touch was beyond gentle.

"What happened?!" he demanded. His tone was distressed, and his flushed, excited cheeks had been replaced with pale fear.

I sighed, thinking that same question myself. _What exactly happened? _

"Bar fight," I muttered lamely, blowing it off like it was nothing. I tried to swat his hands from my face, continuing, "I'm okay." Total lie, I was _far_ from okay. "It's not that bad." I winced when my split lip tore again from speaking.

"No, you're not. Baby, your entire cheek is swollen and purple," he squeaked. "I'll kill whoever did this. Come here."

He grabbed my wrist and dragged me into the bedroom. I caught a glimpse of my face in the hallway mirror and cringed. My lips were bleeding, and my cheek and jaw were bulging out and completely discolored already. Goddammit, Adam… It looked like I'd been beaten to a pulp by some psychopathic criminal, not the sweet man I thought I once knew.

Mika steered me toward the bed and ordered that I lie down. I did as he wanted, not in any mood to even think properly. I was still in a state of shock and dismay. Mika left the room as I settled into the bed, swallowing the lump in my throat. I waited a few minutes and everything really started to sink in, including the full extent of pain from what _Adam_ left me with.

I was on the verge of tears when Mika reappeared with an ice pack and a wet wipe. He threw me a worried look as he took in my appearance from the doorway before making his way over to me and kneeling beside the bed. He reached forward with the wipe and held my gaze with concern knitted in his brow. He slowly pressed the wipe against my lips, wiping off the blood over and over, applying pressure every time until it finally stopped bleeding.

Mika sighed, not even fazed by the blood, and put the wipe down, switching to the ice pack instead. He gave me a look of warning as he moved forward with the pack, holding the back of my head gently as he gradually pressed the freezing surface onto my pulsing cheek. I winced and reflexively tried to move away, making a noise of complaint.

"No, no, no," Mika muttered, stroking my good cheek soothingly with his thumb while firmly holding my head in place. "Hold still, baby." My eyes were locked with his for support as he pressed the ice pack onto my cheek again. I fought the urge to pull away from the stinging pain. After a minute of frozen burning, I relaxed into the cold, feeling it start to numb the pain.

Mika offered me a sad smile. "I'm so sorry this happened."

There. Right there, he sounded like _my _Mika, the intelligent and calm human being. There was no hint of the flamboyant and puffed up character he liked to put on. He sounded sincere.

"Me too…" I mumbled. All of it. I wished this night had never happened. I'd rather still think Adam was dead instead of alive and a madman that didn't have any interest in me anymore.

"Shh, don't talk too much," Mika hissed quietly. "You'll split your lip again."

At least with Mika, he never once laid a hand on me. He was like Adam in many ways, but this took the cake. He was definitely saner and much less complicated. He always took care of me. For that, I was appreciative. Maybe Adam was right. Maybe I should just force myself to forget the night's events even happened. I should be happy with Mika. I loved him. Truly, I did. Adam was completely different now, and he definitely was not the gentle, sad soul I fell in love with.

I reached up and snaked my hand behind Mika's head, stroking his dark hair. I smiled at him appreciatively, mirroring his expression. I pulled his face toward mine, giving him a little kiss, not even caring that my lips were highly sensitive and just kissing him was causing me pain. He groaned in complaint against my lips. I pulled away with a small chuckle.

"You taste like blood," Mika whined, wiping his mouth. "And what was that for?"

I shrugged. "Because I love you," I confirmed.

A small frown tugged at Mika's lips and his eyes looked distant, almost guiltily.

"Me too…" he mumbled, stroking my hair. He changed the topic. "Baby, the concert was incredible. Adam's like this ball of energy, and so fucking hot too. His voice was mind-blowing!" He gestured an explosion with his hand. "God, the way he moved and sang things, ugh, I wish you were—"

"—can we _please _not talk about him?" I blurted with a dry throat. I recovered and cleared my throat. "I'm just really tired…"

He sighed after studying my ridiculously bloated face for a moment. "Should I call the police?"

My heart flipped a little. I shook my head a little too vigorously. "No, no, no, just forget it," I insisted. "I just want to sleep."

Mika looked uncertain. "Okay, baby…" he said slowly. "I'll make you a lunch for tomorrow." He kissed my forehead and handed me the ice pack before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

I waited, listening for his footsteps to disappear around the hall, and then I immediately threw the ice pack somewhere and scrambled off the bed. I ran into my side of the closet, kneeling down and pulling out the hidden box of forgotten memories. I dug around frantically inside until I found it.

Adam's jacket…

I pulled it out and held it up in front of me. I hadn't seen this thing in years. I'd stowed it away so I didn't have to be reminded of his death… but the fucker was alive and well... technically speaking.

I leaned in and took a deep whiff of it. I sighed sadly. The familiar smell of my Adam was gone. I hugged it close and felt tears drip down my cheeks. I let out a muffled sob. Just like Adam from tonight, any sign of the old Adam had faded from the jacket… and it was never coming back.

Adam, what happened to you?

I felt something stiff in one of the pockets poking into my side. Confused, I reached in and froze when my fingers curled around the cold, metal object. It couldn't be…

I pulled it out and gaped at it, memories flooding back.

Adam's pocket knife…

I gripped it tight and swallowed the frog in my throat. No… Memories of the first time I'd met him were pouring into my head… God… The dreaded knife that I'd been so afraid of… afraid that Adam would've killed me with it, but then I'd told myself that he would never do such a thing.

Now, I wasn't so sure.

December came quickly after that. It'd been over a month since the incident with Adam, and I hadn't heard from him since. Whatever. He could enjoy his little fame and success. At least he was living his dream. I was almost proud of him for that. I had my own problems to deal with here.

Mika was worrying me. He seemed antsy and nervous every time I was around him. He was always stressed and he snapped more than usual.

When I'd gotten up late in the night from bed to get a drink, I found him sitting at the dining room table, staring at nothing in the dim light with his hands folded in front of him. He looked eerily like Adam in this light and with my grogginess. I felt my heart flutter at that.

"Baby…?" I said as I approached him sleepily. He didn't look up. If anything, he stiffened slightly. "Are you okay? Why are you just sitting here? Come back to bed."

I sat down slowly across from him, keeping my eyes glued to his head. I reached out for his hand gently, but as soon as I made contact, Mika sighed deeply and pulled away.

"I don't deserve you," he muttered, still not looking at me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"It's eating me alive," Mika said, finally glancing up at me with pain in his eyes. "I feel horrible, but I can't help it."

"Seriously, what are you talking about?" I asked, getting a little nervous.

Mika looked like he was about to throw up. "Do you remember when I went to that concert with Niko?" Oh god, did he have to bring up that again? It was the worst night of my life.

"Yeah…?"

Mika closed his eyes. "I don't know… Niko and I got so into the performance that in the heat of the moment, we just… kissed? I don't know. I just thought I should tell you…"

"Oh…" I mumbled. I was a little stunned.

It was quiet for the longest moment before Mika finally spoke up, unable to handle the deafening silence. "Say something!" he blurted.

I blinked, feeling a rush of understanding go over me. "I guess it's okay," I said quietly. "It was a concert and you got carried away. I get it."

Mika looked shocked and a little… disappointed. "Y-You're not mad?" he asked, appalled.

I shook my head. "Not really," I said, frowning. "Is that everything…?"

Mika looked like he was about to cry from frustration. He nodded after a minute. "I guess…"

I smiled reassuringly. "Then, it's alright." I took his hand and gave it a light squeeze.

Mika buried his face into his hands. "Goddammit, you're just… ugh! So sweet…" he said with annoyance, voice muffled by his palms. "I can't believe myself."

"Shh," I insisted. "Come to bed?" My voice was quiet, wanting to forget about this.

Mika nodded into his hands and I sighed, taking his wrist. I pulled us up and silently tugged him to the bedroom. He didn't say anything as he got under the covers and I turned off the light. He didn't say anything as I got in next to him. Even for the next couple of hours into the early morning, he didn't say anything. He was just turned away from me and he stayed still. Eventually, his posture relaxed and his breathing slowed as he fell asleep. I still stared at the back of his head worriedly.

There was more he wasn't telling me. The thought made my stomach churn and I heard my tears plop down onto the pillow.

In the morning, it was no different. Our normal breakfast conversation was non-existent. Mika wouldn't even look at me and only gave half-ass replies when I tried to make conversation. It was awkwardly silent as we sat there at the counter, both staring at our coffee mugs. Ugh, how long was this going to last? I wanted things to go back to normal.

I jumped in my seat when Mika suddenly slammed his coffee mug onto the counter.

"I can't do this anymore!" he exclaimed irritably, looking right at me for the first time since last night.

I set my mug down gently. "What?" I asked, confused by the outburst.

Mika sighed loudly. "Okay, look, last night, I thought you'd be angry at me for telling you about the kiss and you'd break up with me right then, without me having to tell you the rest."

"The rest…? Break up?" My stomach sank. "What?" I was so lost.

"But, the guilt is killing me. I feel like the lowest piece of shit to ever exist," Mika groaned. "I can't live like this, hiding it. I have to get it off my chest."

"You mind telling me what the heck you're talking about?" I asked, agitated.

"Okay… I told you that we kissed and that was it. Well… it wasn't…" Mika admitted. I just kind of stared at him, nervously waiting for him to go on. "There was a spark that became addicting and I wanted him… I've been… kind of… sort of… seeing him behind your back for the past month after Adam's concert." He said it like it was a question.

Oh great.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

_Adam_ was the reason for my boyfriend cheating on me?

Are you fucking kidding me?

"You're cheating on me…" I mumbled to myself, shocked. I let it sink in. I couldn't believe those words. They sounded foreign and like something only sappy soap operas had.

Mika cringed. "I'm so, _so _sorry," he said, voice hoarse. "I feel so ashamed."

"You said you wanted me to break up with you yesterday…" I mumbled again, staring off into space, a little numb.

"Only so you wouldn't have to hear this!" Mika explained. "I didn't want you to hurt more, but I can't keep it a secret!"

"I… don't really know what to say," I mumbled. I was quiet for several minutes as Mika stared desperately at me. I couldn't believe I was about to say this, but I couldn't stand losing him. "It's… okay," I said slowly. Mika threw me an astonished look. "If you can stop seeing him… we'll work through this… Just don't do it anymore."

Mika looked away, biting his lip. "But…"

"But what?" I asked, feeling a lump in my pit.

"I can't," he squeaked. "I love him too."

I suddenly felt crushed. "Well you can't have both of us…" I said quietly. "I'll love you no matter what. It's up to you to pick…"

Mika looked down and went silent. It took me a second to realize what that meant.

"Oh…" I mumbled sadly, starting to feel sick.

Mika looked up at me wildly, trying to reassure me. "It's just that I don't fight with him like we do!" Mika tried to cushion the blow desperately. It wasn't working.

I shook my head, feeling my world tumbling down.

"You're leaving me for him…" I confirmed quietly, staring at my mug. Mika didn't say anything for a while. I looked over at him and sighed. I reached out and rubbed circles into the back of his hand, hurt by the pained look on his face. I knew this couldn't be easy for him. Who was I to make it worse by yelling? "Mika… it's fine. I mean, I'm heartbroken because I love you…" I said and he cringed. "But, if you think he's right for you then go for it. I just wish you'd broken up with me beforehand so I wouldn't feel so… betrayed."

Mika's moist eyes overflowed. I wiped the tears away with my thumb.

"I'm sorry," he croaked. "I do love you, _so _much."

"I know, but he's better for you, isn't he? I don't blame you. I saw this coming," I said. I offered him a smile. "And I'll always love you. Just be happy."

Mika sighed. "I'd rather you screamed at me rather than being so understanding. It's making this hard."

"Sorry…" I mumbled half-heartedly.

I couldn't imagine screaming at him like that. It reminded me too much of the horror that went down between me and Adam last month.

All was quiet as we both let the new circumstances settle in.

"Sauli…" Mika mumbled. I looked over at him. "If we're really doing this… you know you can't stay here anymore."

"Yeah… I know…" I muttered, sighing a little.

"I'm so sorry," he said again.

I wish he'd stop apologizing. I was willing to cheat on him with Adam. Fuck me, I was terrible. At least with Mika, it'd been unintentional in the first place.

"It's fine," I repeated.

Mika looked suddenly very worried. "Where will you go? Who can you stay with? Will you be okay?" He was still concerned about me and that gave me a small peace of mind.

"I'll figure something out," I half-heartedly promised, not really sure I could actually make it on my own so out of the blue. "Can I just have some time to pack and stuff?"

Mika nodded sadly. "Take all the time you need. I'm so sorry."

I spent the entire next day online trying to find a job and a place to live, but to no avail. My options diminished quickly and I was getting frustrated. I didn't know anyone that could help me out.

There was only one person I could think of.

But I had no contact with him.

I had no idea where he was.

Not to mention he was like a stranger now.

And of course, he'd beaten my face in.

But, there were no options left. He was my only hope and I had to find him. It wasn't like I was going to ask him to let me live with him. Maybe he could refer me to some company he knew or something? He would surely help me out, right? There had to be some of the old him left. He wouldn't just turn me away like that, right?

I spent the rest of the day just sifting through YouTube and catching up with his career. My heart hurt seeing him again like this. It was really weird seeing someone who meant so much to me reappear and seem to be enjoying himself after I spent years thinking he was bones in a ditch somewhere. It was a relief to see him vibrant and glowing, despite what he'd done to me. I couldn't believe how successful he'd gotten. It blew my mind. I scoured Wikipedia and was confused by how much of his life didn't match what had actually occurred in his childhood. What the hell happened in the past ten years? Did he have to lie about everything?

I scrolled down and read the section on "Glam Nation." My heart started to race when I read that his last concert was in Los Angeles soon. Hurriedly and without thinking logically, I switched tabs and spent the rest of my money on a plane ticket and whatever concert ticket was left over. For now, I only had a one-way ticket there.

I realized what I'd done. I was going to see him again. Oh shit. Part of me was ecstatic, but mostly, I was truly terrified, and I was angry at myself for doing this. God, this was going to bite me in the ass, I just knew it.

But, I had to at least _try, _right?

I desperately needed some help.

I desperately needed answers.

I wasn't through with him.

Not yet.


	8. Control

Adam:

I was incredibly pumped by the time I finished the last note of Whole Lotta Love. I stood with a fierce expression plastered on my face as I panted and relished in the applause and cheering of the crowd in front of me. My puffed-up stage persona finally cracked and a big grin spread across my face.

"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Goodnight!" I beamed at the audience, bowed to their screaming, and blew them a couple grateful kisses.

I felt my eyes sting with the bittersweet feeling of Glam Nation ending. Half a year on tour and now it was over. I couldn't believe it. Time had absolutely flown and I'd grown so much just from this experience.

I turned and pounded my fist to Monte's before walking off stage with him. I wrapped my arm around him in gratitude and repeatedly slapped his chest in excitement as we left the stage for the last time.

The crowd was still screaming for more, but I was worn out to the bone. Even so, I was really going to miss their thunderous energy that gave me this strange confidence that I still wasn't used to. There were still days when I would look in the mirror and see nothing but an ugly disgrace, but all of that was forgotten every time I set foot in front of my audiences. They helped me cope without even knowing it. They didn't know to what degree I needed and loved them. I could never thank my fans enough.

I made it backstage and took a deep breath in and out. I grinned at the people who made this show happen. The electricity and emotion in the air were palpable. I knew they were all having the same bittersweet thoughts as me.

It was over. No more flights, no more tour busses, no more anything for a while. I could breathe easily and take a break before I started getting ready for the next era. I already had a couple ideas in mind about the direction I wanted this next, far-off project to head in. Yet, even though I was excited for things to come, I could already feel the post-tour depression sinking in. I was _really_ going to miss all of this.

It was incredible; all the people I met during my travels, how close I've gotten with my band-mates and dancers, the crew, and always being surrounded by people with the same vision and mindset as me. Even so, there were odd moments when I would feel desperately lonely, no matter how many loved ones were around me. There was a hole inside me that I refused to acknowledge most of the time because I was determined to stay positive. I wanted to just be grateful for the wonderful friends I had. They all understood me even though they didn't completely know about my past. I did have to re-write my life a little to something much less… sad.

Speaking of my past… the malicious voice hadn't intruded or taken over my body since Finland… I wondered why he suddenly would just appear after years of finally suppressing him only to disappear again. I knew he wasn't gone though, just quiet. I could _feel _him lingering in a way I couldn't explain.

I made my way over to a snack table to grab some water when I suddenly felt two different pairs of arms around me from behind, laughing and squeezing tight.

"It's actually over!" Tommy joyfully yelled in my ear. "Thanks for the amazing run, man."

"It's only for a little while, Tommy," Terrance said over my shoulder as he hugged me from the opposite side of elflike man. "He's gonna make us go back on the road in a minute and force us to sleep on the hood because his clothes will hog up most of the bus again."

I laughed and pulled away, turning to face them both.

"Ha, ha, very funny," I said, rolling my eyes. "And not if I fire you first." I stuck my tongue out when Terrance threw me a playfully appalled look. "Gather everyone. We'll get changed and celebrate with dinner. No more shitty bus food."

"Halle-fucking-lujah,"Tommy exclaimed dramatically, slapping his palms together and looking up toward the ceiling.

"You're paying though, Mr. Rich-And-Famous." Terrance winked and gave me a slight shove.

I rolled my eyes again and pulled them both into a tight group hug, squeezing them like a lifeline. I peered up between their heads to smile at the passing technical crew.

My gut sank to my feet.

My content expression faded at the eerily familiar blond tuft of hair leaning against the wall, staring at me with a slight smile.

I blinked several times, disbelieving, and I could feel the blood rush out of my face. Did I have too many drinks again? This had to be a hallucination.

Tommy and Terrance pulled out of the hug and said something, but their words were a blur. My eyes were fixated on the blond across the room.

How…?

Oh no…

"Excuse me," I mumbled quietly to Tommy and Terrance. My voice was noticeably hoarse. I hoped they would shrug it off and blame it on the night's vocal bonanza. I cleared my throat and continued with a forced smile, "Go get Brooke and Cam, and I'll meet you guys outside in a while."

They both agreed and left, again saying something that sounded cheerful.

My heart was pounding madly.

What the fuck was _he _doing here?

How the hell did he get backstage?

Where was security?

I considered running the other way and denying the fact that he was really in Los Angeles right now, but I was frozen to the spot. He couldn't seriously be here. Did he not realize the danger? Did he forget what I did to him? Did he not understand that I couldn't bear to have him near me, but not _mine?_ It was like seeing him for the first time all over again. I felt physically sick to my stomach. This couldn't be happening again. Why the hell was he here?

He started walking towards me when he realized that I was petrified to where I was standing. His hopeful, bright blue eyes were locked intently with mine. I wanted to run away, but nothing responded. My breaths came out shallowly as he got closer. No, no, no! What was he doing? He approached me cautiously, as if to not startle me. It was like he was walking willingly into a hungry lion's den.

I didn't know whether to scream out for security or just deal with this on my own.

When he was within arm's length away, he quietly said in a small voice, "Hi," and offered me a small smile. His voice rang throughout my head and made me nauseous.

My body suddenly snapped into action and unfroze. I immediately grabbed his wrist firmly, ignoring the jolt, and jerked him along down the halls. He followed willingly. I couldn't believe this. My head was spinning. I quickly looked around to make sure no one was paying attention to my actions. We reached my dressing room and I pulled him in, twirling him around to face me, and slamming the door. I didn't even wait for him to catch his balance.

"W-What the fuck are you doing here, Sauli?!" I said, horrified. "How the hell did you—I don't—what?! _What?!"_

I wondered for a moment about how bad of an idea it was to be alone with him. I didn't want to hurt him again. I didn't have control over it, and if it happened again, at least outside, there would've been people to stop me before I went too far.

Sauli frowned at my shaken self and walked up to me without a word. He reached up and gently cupped my tense cheek. I flinched, but didn't pull away. I was shaking.

Sauli peered up into my hurt and confused eyes from under his long lashes for an agonizingly stretched-out moment.

"God…" he finally spoke, curious eyes widely trailing over every plane of my face. He stroked my cheek as if testing if I was real. "Still so impossible… I've missed you so much…"

I was taken aback. Did he completely forget or…?

"Even after what I did?" I asked quietly, tearing my eyes away from his.

Sauli cringed slightly at that, remembering. Maybe I shouldn't have brought up that night, but I was glad I did. Maybe now he would realize how big of a mistake it was for him to come here.

"Of course, even after… that," he said. It was oddly disturbing to hear his voice. I couldn't decide if it was dreamlike or nightmare-like. "Well, I know I was being a terrible asshole, screaming at you like that after everything you've been through, so I probably deserved the hit." He shrugged. My mouth popped open at the atrocity of his words. I was about to scold him for blaming himself, but he continued, "But anyway, none of that matters now. I'm here whether you approve or not."

"I can't apologize enough, Sauli," I mumbled, wanting to smash my head into the wall for what I did to him.

"I know it's killing you," he replied. "It's okay. I'm fine. I forgive you." He caressed my cheek with his thumb gently.

I gave him a disappointed glare and shook my head, firmly saying, "It will _never _be okay."

He was making a mistake, and I was getting antsy. I paused for a second, checking for the voice. He wasn't in my head right now, thank goodness, but that didn't mean he wouldn't awaken at any point and realize that his target was here and practically gift-wrapped for him. That's what I was terrified of. I was scared that I'd be conscious again after _he _was out, finding my old love dead in front of me, and my hands stained with his blood.

I shook the thought out of my head, feeling my skin crawl.

"You shouldn't have come here," I mumbled, placing my hand over his on my cheek. He smoothed the worried lines on my face with his thumb. "How did you even…?"

Sauli's lip twitched. "I flew out here to see your last concert... God, that's surreal to say. Anyway, I was in the crowd, watching you in wonder. You have no idea how it felt to see you so animated. Well, I only had time for the first few songs before I decided to sneak backstage. Your security sucks by the way." I grimaced. Sauli continued after a moment, "From what I heard, Adam, you were just… wow. _Wow_."

I sighed, losing myself in the way his facial muscles moved. I'd barely heard what he'd said. The smallest movement of his lips threw me for a loop. It hurt to think that that incredible mouth belonged to someone else, someone that treated Sauli with respect and dignity, and who could give him everything I couldn't.

"Where's your boyfriend?" I asked casually, honestly curious. "Did he come? Am I allowed to meet him?"

"No, he's not here…" Sauli looked away. He looked slightly angry as he mumbled, "He's not even my boyfriend anymore."

I groaned, tearing Sauli's hand off my face. I shook my head in disgust at him and started pacing back and forth in frustration. "Sauli, please tell me you didn't break up with him for me. Don't put that horrible guilt on my shoulders."

Sauli sighed roughly and then glared daggers at me. "No. He cheated on me… because of _you."_

I froze and turned to him. "_Me?"_ My voice jumped. "What the hell did I do?"

"Your concert back home." Sauli rolled his eyes. "He was there with a friend and realized he loved him. I don't blame him. I'm a nutcase who's needy. He deserved better."

I felt my gut twist with sadness. I saw the faraway, heartbroken expression on Sauli's face. He really loved him…

"I'm so sorry," I said sincerely, feeling my own heart crack a little.

"It's okay, it was bound to happen…" he muttered, obviously not wanting to dwell on the topic.

It was quiet for a few long minutes after that. I couldn't stop taking peeks at Sauli's face as he stared off into the distance, thinking. I was fascinated by how little he changed. He still had all his angular features, but sharper, less boyish. His platinum hair was shaved short on the sides and curled up at the top. It vaguely reminded me of whipped cream. And, I wasn't wrong, that was a tattoo peeking out from the collar of his shirt. Could it be that he was even more beautiful now?

Sauli caught me staring and his gaze focused and locked onto me as well. His eyes looked tired and upset. I imagined they mirrored mine. For me, I just didn't know what to do about this situation.

"I can't believe it…" Sauli mumbled, shaking his head, and snapping me out my thoughts. His eyes didn't dare tear away from my face.

"What?" I replied, confused.

"You're alive…"he said in awe, voice soft, like if he was any louder, I'd shatter and disappear. "And not only that… You're successful and every bit as gorgeous. I'm just… _I can't… _Amazing… You did it."

I couldn't help but crack a smile. I was proud of myself for my accomplishments too. "Thanks," I said, shrugging.

Sauli's eyes widened slightly.

"_Thanks?_ Years ago, you would've been angry with me for complimenting you," Sauli said, sounding astonished. "I was expecting a death glare and an angry grunt."

I frowned, realizing he was right. Sauli saw the disheartened expression on my face and crossed the distance left between us, suddenly pulling me in for an unexpected hug. I stiffened and I knew he noticed.

"Sorry," he mumbled, but he didn't let go.

It felt… beyond words to have his cheek on my shoulder again. The warmth of his body radiated into mine and I shivered, relaxing into the embrace. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer. I made sure no unwanted intruder was lurking about in my head and I was still in control. It's okay, Adam. You're fine. Enjoy this while it lasts.

I sighed into his soft hair and rubbed his muscular back, amazed that I was even holding him right now. I felt like crying at this cherished memory. I took a deep breath, trying to savor this moment for as long as I could, worried he would disappear suddenly.

"It's been ten years," I mumbled into his blond locks. "You've changed everything about me. Even after you were gone, your effect was strong. _None_ of this would've happened if it weren't for you. You're proud of me? It's all for you."

Sauli's arms tightened around me and I heard him sniffle.

Still holding his waist in one arm, I tilted Sauli's chin up and leaned down slightly, pressing my glittered cheek against his lower temple and closing my eyes. He rested his chin on top of my shoulder. I held the back of his head to me with my gloved hand gently as I nuzzled his warm skin. I breathed in and out slowly, feeling at peace. I let out a deep sigh down his neck and relaxed against his body. I could feel his heartbeat against my cheek. This was all I needed. We stayed like that for several minutes silently.

"Adam…" Sauli whispered into my ear, barely audible.

I shivered from the sound. With my eyes closed, his voice sent the strangest chills throughout my body.

My fingers tightened a little in his hair when I felt Sauli's head turn and his lips press lightly against the side my neck.

Too lost in the dreamy moment to think about the consequences, I pulled away slightly and cupped both of Sauli's cheeks, searching his moist and gorgeously clear orbs for just a moment before I closed my eyes again and leaned down, pressing a chaste and soft kiss against his lips. A familiar jolt shot through my lips and down my spine. My tightly shut eyes started stinging and watering. God, I missed this. I would dream and long for this to happen again, and now that it had, I realized what I was doing and immediately regretted it, knowing this would cost me.

I pulled away abruptly and let go of Sauli, stepping back a little.

"I—I'm sorry," I muttered quietly when I saw the confused expression on his flushed face. "I shouldn't have done that."

Sauli looked hurt. "Why?" he asked.

I reached up and touched my lips. They were burning from the loss of contact, and I struggled to blink away the tears.

"Now it'll be so much harder… I want to be with you so badly, _it hurts,_" I said dimly through clenched teeth, "but you should go home and forget about me. You don't have to think I'm dead, but just… move on, _please."_

Sauli shook his head like everything coming out of my mouth was crazy. I felt like I was breaking up with him, even though we hadn't been together for ten years.

"Why?" he asked again.

"Because attacking you was inexcusable and the worst moment of my life," I whispered, a bit strangled. I couldn't stand to look directly at him. "But… I can't promise that it _won't_ happen again..."

I regretted peering up and seeing the pained and shocked expression ruining Sauli's face.

"You can't be serious… You really think you're going to hit me again?" Sauli asked quietly, taking a step back. "_Why,_ Adam…?" His voice cracked and it was like a slap to the face.

I sighed miserably, not knowing how to word this without breaking his heart.

"I've changed… "

"I can see that. I mean, look at your life now," Sauli said, disbelief lacing his tone.

"No, not like that." I said sternly, really hoping he'd get the hint. "It's more internal and it's not a good change…"

"What?"

"Never mind," I mumbled, looking away and biting my lip.

It was pointless. I couldn't tell him. I didn't know how to explain the fucking voice inside my head that could take over my body and attack him without sounding crazy.

"You're seriously going to do this again?" Sauli asked with an irritated huff.

"What?" I asked, confused.

Sauli sighed and took a seat on the velvet couch by the wall of the dressing room. He stared hard at the ground. "When we first met, you wouldn't tell me anything and you'd get pissed off whenever I tried to get you to open up."

I followed him to the couch and stood in front of him. Sauli was visibly tense as I towered over him. I realized how intimidating my position was and immediately kneeled down in front of him, giving him a sad look.

"Please," I pleaded, touching Sauli's knee lightly. I didn't miss the tiny flinch. "You're scared of me now," and it was breaking my heart, "I can see that. I'm not asking you to trust me ever again because I don't deserve that, I'm asking you to listen to me just this once. It's for your own good. _Go home…"_

Sauli looked slightly away, eyes turning into slits at the wall. "I don't have a home," he muttered.

My brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that I lived with my boyfriend. I had nothing to my own name. I was practically just mooching off of him and it felt terrible. So when we decided to part, it was only fair that I leave _his _apartment." Sauli explained. "And now, I don't really have anywhere to go. It's why I came here… You're the only person I know. I was hoping you could help me out somehow, by maybe asking a friend to give me a job or a place to stay for a little while, nothing more… I promise. I spent most of whatever money I had coming here… I can't go back…" Sauli's face was dark with shame.

"Fuck," I muttered, dragging my palm down my face in exasperation. "You're homeless and jobless..." I shook my head. "_How,_ Sauli? You had so much going for you…" I bit my lip, worrying myself to death. "You wouldn't last a day in the streets. I can't let you rot out there…"

"Then can you just refer me to someone so I can get a job? Sauli asked. "I don't want you to fuss over me. I didn't come here to be a burden and pressure you. I knew it was a longshot, but if you could help me out just this once, I promise to leave you alone. I'm sure the streets aren't that bad."

"Don't be silly," I growled, annoyed that he thought I would just pass him off to someone else and abandon him. Despite my issues, I wasn't about to let Sauli down. "I won't allow you to suffer."

I sat and thought for a while, trying to figure out what I could do. I couldn't leave Sauli to just die trying to make it here, but I also couldn't stay around him so much. I was terrified for his safety. I didn't know what triggered the loss of control over my body, but it happened with him once and it could happen again. In the end, I sighed, resigned, knowing I didn't have any other choice right now.

I stood up and picked up my phone from the table. I put it up to my ear after I selected a contact. Sauli watched me curiously as I looked down worriedly at him and waited while the line rang.

"_Hey," _Tommy answered. "_Adam, where are you?"_

"Tommy?" I said, still looking down at Sauli. "You guys can go out to dinner without me."

"_Are you sure? Why? What's up?"_

"I have something to take care of," I insisted. "Sorry to bail."

"_It's okay, man. I'll let the others know. Terrance will be disappointed that you're not paying though."_

I forced a small laugh. "He'll live."

My eyes were still locked onto Sauli as I said my goodbyes to Tommy and hung up.

I sighed again, tossing the phone onto the couch.

"Adam?" Sauli asked.

I was going to regret this.

"You can stay with me…" I said slowly and reluctantly, and then added, "For a few days. Just until you can find your own place and get settled down. I'll help you with finding a job and everything." I stared at Sauli intently. "Just… be careful, okay?"

Sauli's eyes widened. "Really?" he asked, a bit shocked. "You'll let me stay at your place? Adam, I can't ask you to do that. I just wanted a referral. I don't want to put stress on you and mooch off of you too. That's hardly fair." He didn't even heed my warning.

"Sauli, there's no other choice right now, and of course I don't mind." I'd just have to deal with my inner demon. "It's really no problem. How could you think I would shrug you off like that? You think you can just come to me for help and expect me to let you live on a sidewalk? Who do you take me for?"

Sauli beamed. "Sorry, sorry! I can't believe this. Don't worry; I'll be out of your hair as soon as possible."

I forced a smile at him, relishing in the glow radiating from his face. So beautiful.

I replied unsurely, "Take as long as you need…" but make it quick…

I kept that to myself. I would've loved to just ask him to stay with me forever, but I knew that would be unrealistic and selfish of me. Sauli was already in much danger as it was, but the way I saw it, it was safer to be with me for a few days than to be alone in the grungy streets of Los Angeles… at least I hoped so.

"Adam, thank you _so_ much," Sauli said, standing up and throwing his arms around me. I held him to me again and sighed. Every time he touched me like this, I would feel oddly calm and peaceful. "I hid my suitcase outside, I'll go get it."

I tightened my arms around him, not ready to let him go yet. I focused on the fact that my love was in my arms.

After a short minute, Sauli grunted awkwardly, and I reluctantly let him go. He gave me a small, grateful smile before practically prancing out of the dressing room.

I watched him leave and then sank down to the couch, burying my face in my hands.

What had I gotten myself into? I wasn't going to desert Sauli without even giving him a fair reason why, but how was I supposed to have Sauli _live _with me for a few days and keep _two_ things under control?

First, the parasite inside of me… I couldn't let him come out and harm Sauli, and that was going to be ridiculously difficult considering I would be forced to be near Sauli every day for this short time. I knew the demon wanted to attack the one person who, after a decade, was still everything to me. He was hell-bent on ruining everything that I was and destroying anything that made me happy. Sauli was back in my life and I wasn't allowed to enjoy it because of that _thing._

Second, how was I supposed to be around Sauli constantly when I was still in love with him? I didn't think my heart could handle being around him without _having _him. I didn't know how long I could last. As long as I was so screwed up, I couldn't put Sauli at risk. I would just have to deal with his presence for a few days without pulling anything and then everything could go back to normal. I knew I was confusing and hurting him by rejecting him like this, but I didn't have a choice.

A few days… Surely, I could do this. I could control myself andthe parasite for this small period.

I'd lost Sauli for ten years, and now being reunited, even just platonically, was filling me with a warmth that I couldn't explain. That should be enough for me.

I wanted the feeling to last even for just this short while… but at what cost?


	9. Turned Tables

Sauli:

Adam had to sneak us out of the venue. When I'd asked him why, he'd explained that it wasn't a good idea to be seen together right now; fans would set the web on fire, and paparazzi would surely attack this development. I had to admit, I was a little upset that he'd tried so hard to make sure no one saw us together, like he was denying that I was really here. I knew that he probably had a good reason to and it was probably for my own protection. I also understood that with fame came a price that I didn't know, so I let him do what he needed to in order to get away, and that included dressing me up in huge sunglasses and a ridiculous hat. We'd stealthily crept out of the venue and into the black cab waiting for us outside.

Up the hills of Hollywood we arrived and I gaped with dinner plate-eyes at Adam's house. It was absolutely gorgeous. I rubbed my eyes several times in disbelief. I was only looking at the front, but I was already blown away. Everything was sculpted to perfection, even the bushes. I hadn't seen an amazed expression like mine since Adam had first seen my one and only house in the USA. Funny how the tables had turned…

"Ah…" Adam sighed happily, pulling his luggage and mine out of the black, refusing help from both the driver and me when we offered. When Adam was finished, the cab sped away impatiently and we were alone. "Home sweet home has never been so sweet after a long-ass tour." Adam grinned at me.

"You… _live _here?" I barely managed, still staring up at the masterfully Spanish-themed exterior.

Adam laughed and snaked his arm around my waist, joining me in the staring contest with his house. I shuddered at the sound of his laughter. It still amazed me almost as much as the first time I'd heard it, but now it sounded lighter, freer, and more natural, like this was an everyday occurrence now. I glanced up at Adam in wonder and noticed him grinning ahead. He was so smiley now… It was quite shocking that he wasn't always brooding around. Adam peered down and caught me staring, raising an eyebrow as a question.

"I can't believe I'm even next to you right now," I explained in awe, pulling him in for a hug. "So surreal," I mumbled into his warm chest.

"I know…" Adam said quietly, tightening his arms around me.

I tilted my head up to look at him, but Adam wasn't looking down at me. He was looking straight ahead with something almost upsetting in his eyes. His face was only inches away. I couldn't help the frown that pulled down the corners of my lips, realizing something as the expression on Adam's face brought back memories.

"You know…" I said, catching Adam's attention, "we never once went on a date like normal people? We were too busy fighting for each other's lives."

I meant it as a slight joke, but Adam looked hurt and saddened by the statement, realizing the truth in my words. I could've been mistaken, but being this close to his face, I thought his eyes moistened a little. The supposed wetness in his eyes was quickly replaced by a look of determination.

Adam released me from his embraced and sternly said, "Come."

His fingers interlocked with mine and he started tugging me along the driveway, luggage in our free hands. I almost forgot to ask why, too mesmerized by the fit of his big hand in mine again. You couldn't imagine how blissful this felt. I literally wanted to just stop him right there and stand there staring at our hands finally together again for hours.

"Where are we going?" I finally asked as Adam let go of my hand and opened his garage door, practically chucking the luggage in there.

I felt disheartened and my hand burned without his touch, although I wouldn't tell him that. I couldn't explain it, but his touch always sent those familiar jolts through me and they made me feel more whole than I'd been in years. I wasn't about to beg him to have some sort of physical contact at all times, no matter how badly I needed it. We weren't even together anymore…

"I'm taking you out on a date," Adam said simply as he unlocked his car. "It's just dinner. No big deal." He went over to the passenger side and opened the door for me with a grin.

My heart warmed as the corners of my lips stretched from ear to ear, and I obliged to his proposal, plopping into the cushy passenger seat.

It was mostly a silent ride, but an amicably comfortable type of silence. It wasn't awkward in the least, and I think we were both just satisfied with being in the other's presence. We were both probably lost in our thoughts. I knew I was. The last couple of months had been crazy. It felt like it was all coming together though, and my troubles were coming to an end with this fresh start. Maybe now, even if I wasn't with Adam, I could live comfortably here and forget about the past that still haunted me sometimes.

Adam suddenly turned up the radio from its background noise state and pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Oh hey, my song's on the radio!" Adam exclaimed excitedly.

I was excited and started listening intently, wondering what type of music he made. I mean, I heard a little bit at the concert, but I'd yet to hear an actual track.

My heart sank when I realized I recognized the signature guitar and repetitive hook.

_Whataya want from me…_

Are you kidding me?

Oh shit.

I was suddenly fighting hard to stifle my laughter. I forced my face to turn to the window and slapped my palm over my mouth to hold it all in. I let out a small snort and bit my tongue.

I couldn't believe it.

This song that had irritated me so much was _Adam's._

Oops.

I swallowed the building chuckles and grinned to myself out of the window. This was hilarious to me. How had I not put the pieces together? Uh duh, Adam Lambert sang this song; the same Adam who had a concert in Helsinki and who turned out to be the same one sitting next to me now.

The song immediately grew ten-fold on me when Adam started singing it live next to me. My eyes flashed wide open, and I turned my head back in shock toward his voice. I stared at him in awe as he sang along, changing up some of the phrasing and harmonizing with himself. My mouth popped open at what he was doing. It was brilliant. Adam was just happily and effortlessly singing along, not even paying attention to my gaping, like his voice was no big deal.

He finally caught me staring and said, "What?" while laughing at my baffled expression.

"Nothing, just wow," I replied and Adam grinned. I shook my head in amazement as I turned and looked out ahead.

Not really to my surprise, we ended up at some high class-looking restaurant with a fancy name I couldn't pronounce for the life of me. Still weird to me, Adam was all smiles as we entered the restaurant, and the mouth-watering aromas hit me like a truck. The hostess did a double-take as she took in Adam. Obviously, she recognized him. Friendlier than I thought possible, Adam asked the star-struck employee for a private booth with a charm I'd never heard before. My jaw dropped at his smoothness and I almost fawned over him like the girl. She stumbled and stuttered cutely a few times in his presence, but Adam remained surprisingly patient and kind. She finally got us to our booth and left after Adam signed an autograph for her. Adam sat across from me and gave me an apologetic look. Not long after, our waitress showed up looking flustered, having obviously heard the news about who was eating here. Adam was gracious to her as well, signing another autograph as he ordered some of their finest wine. And with that, we were finally alone again.

I was still shocked by Adam's charisma and patience. Just how famous was he? Again he caught me staring at him and threw me a questioning look.

"When the hell did you get so good with people?" I asked, bewildered by this. "And like this success… How? How'd this all happen? I mean, those girls certainly recognized you. Start speaking, Lambert. What have I missed?"

Adam shook his head and chuckled, "I guess some catching up is in order, hey?" I nodded in agreement. "Well, okay. Where to start… I guess from where you left's a good place. Hmm..." He pursed his lips and looked off into nowhere, backtracking. "Oh! Did you know I was at the airport looking for you when you left for Helsinki?"

What.

"Yeah," he said, nodding to the shocked expression on my face. "Right… I guess you never found out." He frowned, staring at my chest. "You probably still think I just completely left you when you were in the coma, but no, I was there as the plane was taking off. The assholes wouldn't let me onboard to get you, so I had to just stand there… watching helplessly as you left me for good." Adam sighed, clearly disheartened from the memory. "And _that _was when I decided that I wouldn't come after you, not when you were in a coma."

"You were there…" I squeaked, feeling tears fill my eyes. "You really came after me? You didn't abandon me…"

Adam nodded solemnly, offering me a small smile.

"There was no way I'd given up on you when you were in the coma. I fought for you until the last minute," he said.

I suddenly remembered now. The nurse there had told me that Adam never left my side and was constantly crying for me. Why did my brain block that crucial piece of information? I'd spent all of these thinking that Adam had just taken off when it'd looked like I'd never wake up again.

Adam continued, "When I thought you were surely dead, I—"he cut off and bit his lip.

"What?" I insisted. Adam looked away and I scoffed. "Adam, come on, it was ten years ago."

Adam sighed and nodded. "I know… but, it's… nothing."

"But—"

"—Anyway, while you were still permanently asleep, I tried to go back to school after realizing how much you'd dedicated yourself to me and to just give up on everything because you were gone was like spitting on your hard work, and… what was his name? Right, Alex, yeah, he forced me to go to the airport after you."

My brow raised in disbelief.

"Wait… _Alex?_ Are we talking about the same douchebag that made your life more of a hell for years?" I asked sarcastically. "He _helped _you?"

Adam continuingly nodded with amusement like he couldn't believe it either as I tried to make sense of this.

"He did," Adam confirmed. "He's the one who told me you were still alive. Really, I owe him the world because I would've spent my life thinking you'd died because of me. So, just knowing you were alive was enough for me to carry on.

"It wasn't because of you…" I mumbled.

"It was and you know it," Adam said, rolling his eyes. "_None _of that would have happened if you'd never met me. I still regret it all sometimes."

"I don't," I said fiercely. "If I hadn't met you, I would never have experienced what it's like to be truly happy with yourself. My life was an illusion—a lie until I met you. It didn't matter that some things became harder because at least it was _real,_ and for that, I was content. I swear, I was meant to meet you. I needed you to realize reality."

I could feel Adam's eyes on me as I stared at the tabletop.

"I thought I was the only one that thought we were fated to meet," I heard Adam say quietly. I looked up just as he added, "Of course, nothing worked out, but… I don't think that was the point. I guess we both had lessons to learn from each other. And after we learned them, we were separated like we had no use for each other anymore. But, I still did. I _needed _you and refused to believe that the universe was cruel enough to take you away from me, but it did. Your purpose in my life was over. I accepted that."

Then, Adam gazed hard into my eyes, speculating. "So, why are you suddenly back…?" he whispered mostly to himself.

"Adam…?" I asked. I was confused as to why he was saying that and why the serious expression on his face was so focused and analytical. "I'm sure it's just a coincidence."

Adam kept staring at me for a few seconds, eyes flickering over my face. Eventually, he sighed and blinked, looking down. "Yeah… you're right." He didn't sound convinced in the slightest.

I was grateful when the waitress reappeared with the bottle of wine when she did. I really didn't like the mood and direction of the conversation we were heading toward. It almost sounded like Adam was upset and afraid that we'd crossed paths again. Why though? It hurt a little.

We thanked the waitress politely and she left with a smile. It was quiet as Adam popped open the bottle and poured an equal amount of the silky, dark liquid into each glass. I kept stealing glances at his face, but his smooth expression gave away nothing. Adam peered up at me as he handed me my glass and gave me a smile. I couldn't help but mirror him as we toasted silently and I took a big, flavorful gulp. The slight burn down my throat was nearly orgasmic. Adam sure knew his wines.

"So, continue," I said, setting down my glass. "What happened after I was gone?"

Adam took another sip of his wine, eyes never leaving mine, before he said, "Well, I begged to go back to school, miraculously got accepted after promising that I'd be good, and then proceeded to study my ass off. I took every extra credit opportunity there was and kicked its ass. People left me alone. No more bullies. I think Alex kept them at bay, weirdly enough. We even became friends… sort of, not really. All the while, I worked several jobs, and I even managed to get a shitty apartment for a while." A hint of pride laced his voice. "I had no time to have a social life or do anything other than study and work. And you know what? I liked being always busy. It kept my mind off of… things. I didn't have any free time to waste berating my thoughts."

It was like hearing a stranger talk. Never in my life would I have imagined Adam trying so hard for his life. The Adam I'd known had just been… waiting to die.

"Did you graduate?" I asked, knowing Adam had never bothered with school, thinking that there was no use to him learning all that shit if he was just going to either be killed or kill himself soon enough.

Adam grinned and nodded once. "Oh yeah, to everyone's surprise. You don't know how good it felt to be handed that diploma in front of everyone who'd doubted me," he said, fire glinting in his eyes. "I finished school with decent grades considering how low they'd been to begin with. I even got into college." Adam shrugged. "Well, sort of. I dropped out after like a month because I realized I was fucking sick of the classroom. I wanted to sing."

"Well, that worked out," I joked.

"Not really, actually, not in the beginning," he said, holding up a finger and smirking. "At nineteen, I sucked up my fear of performing in front of people and booked a job on a cruise ship. I got to see the world and it inspired me to no end. I'd never even left my city before then, so it was fascinating to see so much culture and _life_. With more confidence, I actually managed to get into a few plays, includingWicked, one of my life's dreams. It was overjoying to be able to mark things off on my mental bucket list. I was actually accomplishing things."

I remembered Adam's little fascination with that worn-out book he owned. A smile stretched across my face and I gazed at him in awe.

"I even made friends for the first time," he went on. "I was shocked that some people actually enjoyed being around me. I guess I didn't notice that I was changing and becoming more outgoing. Some of those friends are still close to me today." Adam took a small sip of his wine and then frowned, placing it down. "But, it wasn't as great as it seemed. The theater, I mean. I was always the chorus boy and I never felt satisfied with that. I wanted more. I _deserved _more. I wanted to be seen and heard. I didn't want to cower in the shadows anymore. I wanted to make music for people; to show them my journey in a way that words never could. But…" he trailed off.

"But…?" I gestured for him to continue.

Adam eyed me as he slowly said, "I did have to change my past though. I made up an entire childhood for myself, one that was pleasant because I didn't want anyone to pity me. No one knows about what really happened, not even my closest friends. I've locked up the truth and embraced the sweet lie I made up. I'm not proud of it, but it was necessary." Adam sighed and was quiet for a minute. He looked up at me with softness in his eyes. "And of course, I missed you like crazy, no matter how hard I tried to deny it, but I did convince myself that you were over me by then."

I glared at him sarcastically.

Adam saw my expression and chuckled. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I was wrong. But, you know what? The thought of you being happy made me happy. I was hoping you moved on, but I never could. I never looked at another man the same way." Adam waved his hand dismissively, muttering, "Sure, whatever, I dabbled and whatnot, but it was never the same." His eyes travelled to his wine glass, staring hard at it. "I never fell in love like I was with you," he confessed quietly, brow furrowing as he kept his eyes on the glass. "You changed everything about me and saved my life, so no one could ever come close."

My eyes started stinging as what he said sank in and melted my heart.

"Adam…" I cooed fondly, feeling tears brim.

Adam peered up at me from under his long lashes with a small, shy smile.

"Anyway," he continued, "I took a few trips to Burning Man with some friends that had been enthusing about it for a long time. It's some psychedelic community, radical self-expression type of thing, and like, a celebration of art… Not really something that can be explained to ones that have never been there. My friends tried to explain it to me and I was completely lost, so I'll spare you." Adam smirked. "And it was there that I realized something very important and the key to why my career wasn't going where I wanted it to: I was afraid of my own success; I was afraid to be in the spotlight; I was still afraid of people looking at me and judging me. I realized it so clearly in that moment that when I finally got back home, I made myself lose my inhibitions, and just went for it, knowing this was my last chance to make something of myself."

"What did you do?" I asked, wondering how anyone could just take hold of the reins suddenly and force their life to work out for them after being in a never-ending slump.

"I did what anyone with no other choice did," Adam said, smiling at an inside joke. I was instantly jealous that he even _had _inside jokes with other people. "I auditioned for American Idol after quitting Wicked. I was still on an adrenaline rush from Burning Man and didn't really realize that I couldn't go back to my job if I was rejected. It was a huge gamble, and I never thought that I would make it past the auditions." Adam suddenly looked surprised as he continued, "But… somehow, the universe finally came through for me. I made it all the way to number two because apparently, people _liked _me, weirdly enough… I was offered a record deal and the rest is history." Adam cracked his knuckles and lounged back. "And now, for some reason that I'll never know, I have a Grammy nomination."

I blinked and opened my mouth to say something, only to close it again. I was speechless. Adam folded his hands and rested his chin atop of them, scrutinizing my reaction. I just… I was… wow. He'd gone through so much and was so strong the entire way. I was proud and jealous of him at the same time. Jealous because despite all the horrors Adam had faced in his short life, he managed to push through just when he was about to crack. He'd reached the highest level of success despite the odds. It was unbelievable, unlike me who'd thrown my life into the dumps because I couldn't deal with anything anymore. I was ashamed of myself. I had it easy compared to Adam and I was the one who ended up being the ultimate loser.

"I, uh, I don't know what to say," I mumbled, baffled. "You're just... I'm so…" I sighed, not able to form an actual sentence. I took a deep breath. "I'm proud of you," I managed finally. "I'm just a little upset knowing that you've been alive all this time and I wasn't part of your life. I feel like I've wasted all these years now."

Adam smiled slightly. "You may have not been part of it physically, but you were still there for me," he admitted. "I make it sound like I've just completely breezed through these years and laughed in the face of adversity, but really, there were moments when I would stay up all night crying because I just didn't know if what I was doing with my life was right." He glared at his curling fist on the table. "Countless times, I thought this was all a mistake, and countless times, I would panic, knowing you weren't around to calm me. I was afraid of every decision I made and I always over-analyzed every option until I wanted to rip my hair out." Adam sighed heavily. "But, every time I was about to just give up, I thought of you. I thought of everything you sacrificed for my life and it was enough to relight the path for me. So yes, you were a huge part of this past decade. Knowing you were happy and successful was huge inspiration for me."

I frowned and fiddled with my hands. "Well… um… Then you may have been falsely inspired…"

Adam gave me a questioning look and opened his mouth to speak before the waitress suddenly popped up with an excited glint in her eyes.

"Ready to order?" she asked enthusiastically, holding up her notepad.

"Actually, yes," Adam quickly said, looking up kindly at her. "We'll have two soy-glazed tuna steaks for now." Adam eyed me, promising with his expression that what he was ordering was good. I gave him another slight frown and quickly glanced at the menu, jaw dropping when I saw the price for what he was ordering.

"Excellent choice! I'll be back with your meal." And with that, the waitress left as quickly as she came.

"Adam, what the hell are these prices!" I moped when the waitress was out of sight. "I would've been fine with take-out or something."

Adam grimaced. "No way, only the best for you. Don't even complain. The price is nothing. I can afford to eat like this every day for the rest of my life."

I sighed, knowing it was useless to argue with him. I would've done the same thing.

Adam eyed me for a moment. "I've been blabbing about myself all night. So talk, what happened with you? Why was I _falsely inspired?_" He gestured quotations with his fingers in the air.

I rolled my eyes. "I went downhill fast, and you probably don't want to hear this, but okay…" I warned. "Basically," I started, "after I thought you were _dead_ and went back to Helsinki, I went to my aunt's house to live. She was surprised to say the least, but I didn't tell her I was gay. She called my parents, and I guess they told her because she was always somewhat rude to me after that, but at least she didn't kick me out." I shrugged. "My parents didn't bother asking how I was or beg me to come back because they didn't give half a shit about me anymore, so that was my last contact with them..." I trailed off, not wanting to tell Adam about this next part because it would upset him. Adam cleared his throat impatiently and I sighed deeply before continuing. "I went into a deep depression because of you for years," I confessed. Adam's face immediately fell. "My final marks dropped. I barely managed to graduate, let alone go to university. I lost everything I had going for me, and I gave up on trying to make something of myself. I know you meant well by letting me think you were gone forever, but for a long time, years even, it was the complete opposite."

"But, but…" Adam stuttered. "You—Why?—How..?"

Well, he wasn't accomplishing much by speaking so I cut him off as he was about to start stammering again.

"Adam, I got nowhere," I admitted. "You think too highly of me. I'm glad that's what helped you find your success, but in reality, I couldn't have ended up worse. I had no job, no place to live, no friends, no family, no money… and no point… because there was no you."

Adam shook his head. "That can't be true…" he mumbled.

"It is," I insisted. "Life was unbearable after you. I don't even want to go into the details."

Adam looked devastated. "It was _my _fault…" His voice cracked.

"Well, I was the one that actually threw me into the dumps," I tried to console him. "_You_ didn't do anything wrong. _You _weren't the one who gave up. _I'm_ the one who's a complete loser."

"I'm so sorry…" Adam said, voice slightly strained, still shaking his head.

"It did get a little better though," I insisted. "I lived with my deranged aunt until I met my boy—well, now _ex-_boyfriend, Mika." Adam's hand twitched. "Mika… he's wonderful, to be honest," I admitted. "He brought me in and took care of everything for me without me even asking him. He was sweet and considerate most of the time." I sighed, face falling. I missed Mika. "But, he could be controlling and dramatic. He'd get pissed off over the smallest things, but it was usually my fault anyway." I could feel Adam's eyes boring into my head as I fumbled with my fingers. "I loved him… but I knew it couldn't last forever. He distracted me from my depression and I'm so grateful for that. I guess the relationship ran its course…"

"And now…?" Adam asked quietly.

I peered up at him. "And now, well, I'm homeless, jobless, moneyless, etcetera _again_." I grimaced. "But, at least now, after ten years, I find out you're alive….And I just don't know what to think or where to go from here."

I hadn't noticed that I'd taken Adam's hand with both of mine and was playing with it, turning his palm this way and that. I marvelled at his perfect fingers and shimmery dark blue nail polish. His skin felt so familiar; soft and pulsing gently with warmth.

I could feel Adam watching me quietly as I held his hand firmly in place against the table and pulled up his sleeve slowly. He didn't fight me; his hand remained relaxed under mine. I revealed freckles splattered across his wrist and forearm, and if I focused hard enough, I could see very faint lines of old, faded scars. I sighed quietly in relief. There were no fresher-looking marks. I smiled sadly as I traced the thin lines nearly completely hidden by hair and freckles. It was amazing to see his skin so glowing and healthy for once, and not bruised and battered.

"Did you ever do it again?" I mumbled, peering up to find kind eyes waiting for me.

Adam shook his head solemnly, knowing what I was referring to. "I made a promise to you and myself that I wouldn't, no matter how bad it got for me sometimes," he said quietly and sincerely. I nodded, feeling a weight lift off my chest. We were quiet for a minute before Adam continued, "How did you cope? You didn't… did you?"

I sighed, squeezing his hand. "No, I drank away my problems instead." Adam's brow knit in worry. "It's okay. I've stopped now, since Mika wouldn't let me, but let me tell you, my early twenties were a fucking mess. My sixteen-year old self that was so aspirational would've been so ashamed of the trash I became."

"Because of me…" Adam muttered.

"No, I already told you. It was my fault for being so weak and bitter. But, I did end up that way because of you." Adam cringed slightly. "But, not because you came into my life, but because you left it and I thought it was permanent," I insisted, smoothing circles into his tense hand. "I found myself getting so angry at you for dying and leaving me like this."

I let go of his warm hand just as our waitress reappeared with our food. She placed the meals expertly in front of us, smiled, thanked us, and then left. I held my tongue, not wanting to complain about Adam spoiling me with an extravagant meal. I just kept my mouth shut and we ate our meals in peace. And oh my god, it was an orgasm for my taste buds. I hadn't had a meal like this since… ever. The closest I ever got was mom's home-cooking, but I hadn't even had that for years. We ate in silence for the next fifteen minutes, occasionally commenting on a certain portion of the meal. When we were finally finished and the waitress brought the bill, I wanted to kill Adam when I got a glance at the total price. We couldn't even split the bill, Adam absolutely refused to, insisting that it was his pleasure.

Adam patted his belly and sank into his seat further, grinning lazily at me. I shook my head at him and took sip of my wine.

"So… how _did_ you wake up from that coma anyway?" I heard Adam ask. I couldn't see him since my wine glass was blocking my face. It was hard to stop drinking it. I forced myself to set it down and answer his question.

I furrowed my brow, trying to recall what happened. "I… don't really remember," I admitted. "The only thing I do know is that… I had a dream… about you… like right before my eyes opened."

"What?" Adam asked, sounding surprised. He sat up a little, brow scrunched up.

"It's true." I nodded. "I don't totally remember how it went, and I'm surprised I recall anything at all since I normally don't remember nearly anything about my dreams as soon as I wake up, but I know that we were in front of a mirror, and you… well, you actually looked a _heck _of a lot like you do now, if not exact, and you were just holding me. You told me that I needed to wake up for you and that…" I trailed off, thoughts racing. I gasped a little after a moment. "…_we'd meet again someday. O_h my god, I never realized how _accurate…_ What the fuck?" I felt a tingle run down my spine from the eeriness of this. "That's actually fucking creepy. I never thought about it before. It completely fits. Can dreams predict the future?"

"I don't know," Adam said, sounding intrigued. "Anything else happen?"

I thought hard about that for a moment, trying to see what other bits and pieces I could find in my head. "Actually, yeah… In the mirror that you were holding me in front of… for the slightest moment, my reflection was the same, but yours… I don't know… It changed? I mean, there was a man there who looked just like you, but you looked… different, _sinister. _I think… I don't know how to explain it. You were like a darker, corrupt, and terrifying version of yourself… That sounds stupid. It was only for a moment, but the petrifying way you looked at me, like I was something to eat." I shuddered slightly, remembering the figure more clearly. "Do you think that meant anything?"

Adam's face had paled considerably before I'd even finished talking. He was frozen in his seat and stared past me, mind far away.

"Hello? Earth to Adam, are you okay?" I asked. "What's wrong?"

His gaze remained locked in another world. I scoffed and snapped my fingers impatiently in front of his face.

Adam blinked several times and his eyes finally focused on me. "Nothing's wrong," he said, forcing a smile. "Do you think we should leave now? I'm stuffed and exhausted." Oh, he was totally changing the subject.

I glared at him for a long moment and Adam just kept the smile plastered on his face as he stared back at me. Finally, I sighed, resigned, knowing he wasn't going to back down and give in. I decided not to push it and ambush him for answers. That never worked out, as I'd learned from experiences with him.

"Fine, let's go," I muttered, rolling my eyes as I slipped out of the booth. Adam followed quietly behind, trailing a few feet back.

Out of the restaurant and on our way to the car, I waited for Adam to catch up before I tucked myself close to his side. I looked up at him just as he smiled warmly and wrapped his arm around my waist as we walked. I snuggled closer to him and breathed in his smell. He still fucking smelled the same, unmistakably the Adam I loved.

On the drive to Adam's house, it was pretty much silent, both of us still lost in our thoughts. The low music playing in the background kept me from going insane.

The inside of his house was even more gorgeous, and I hadn't even had a whole tour yet. It was too late in the night for that now. I was tired, but I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep tonight. Too much had happened that I needed to think about. Once I opened up my suitcase and changed in Adam's ridiculous bathroom, I met up with him again in the living room and noticed he was pretty much wearing identical clothes. Both of us were wearing simple sweatpants and loose black t-shirts.

Adam opened his arms wide when I got into the dimly lit room. I rammed into him and nearly knocked him over, hugging him so tightly, it hurt my muscles. I just kept squeezing harder and harder, like still testing if he was actually real. I thought that if I crushed him enough, he'd disappear into a puff of smoke. He didn't seem to mind or be in pain as he rubbed soothing circles into my back.

"I want to show you something," Adam murmured into my ear.


	10. Deal With A Devil

Adam:

Barefoot in our pajamas, I dragged Sauli toward the backyard casually by his hand. He gasped before we'd even reached the glass door and made it out. Smirking, I slid the door open and held it with a smug look on my face as I waited for Sauli to close his slightly agape mouth and shuffle outside. I followed him out silently, secretly marveling at his back muscles through his thin shirt. I crossed my arms and leaned against the glass, watching the back of his head with knowing amusement as he shook it slowly in disbelief.

The backyard was my favorite place in my house… besides my bedroom, of course. It was serene and relaxing enough that it was the first place that came to mind to go to whenever I needed to make a difficult decision. I could let the warm water of the infinity pool lap at my skin as I rested my arms on the edge and stared out at the skyline of Hollywood during a sunset in wonder, or I could lie down in the lush grass and fall into a calming nap as I gazed up at the hanging lights that resembled stars, or I could just lounge about in the luxury patio arrangement with a good friend to vent to. It was the most peaceful haven I could think of, but it could also be a loud mess if I wanted to party until dawn. Sometimes, instead of alone time, the shrieks of joy from a crowd of drunken people I loved was the best medicine. But tonight, the air was calm and intimate, perfect for me to really think about another life-changing decision… that was standing in front of me at this very moment in the form of living perfection.

With a small, loving smile on my lips, I continued watching Sauli as he kneeled down and ran his hands through the thick, deep green grass.

He was a decision I had to make.

He was here for a few days as just an old friend until I could help him settle down… and then he would be gone again. Could I handle that? I knew that he was willing to be mine again, and I wanted it so badly that it was making me nauseous just thinking of any other option. We both wanted to be together and could have it very easily, so why not go for it? Well… there was the one huge issue that would ruin everything in this little fantasy of mine, and could I afford to put the man I still loved at risk like that?

As if on cue, my mind didn't feel like my own isolated world anymore. In a way that I could never properly explain, I suddenly wasn't _alone_. It wasn't just me and my safe thoughts now. The familiar feeling of intrusion slowly swirling in my own head still made me feel uneasy and constantly uncomfortable until the feeling was gone. It was another presence that was filling my mind, making room for its own self.

I froze and the smile on my face wiped off as I heard bemused chuckling that was not my own echoing in my head. My breath caught in my throat. No matter how many times this happened, it never ceased to make my skin crawl with fear.

"_Aw, how considerate of you," _the mischievous voice mused inside my head with fake sympathy. _"You don't want to be with your little fuck toy because you're afraid I'll come out and rip him to shreds?" _

I could _feel_ him frowning sarcastically… if that even made sense. In my thoughts, I couldn't see this… thing, but I could feel his expressions and movements.

I said nothing as I continued staring at the back of Sauli's head with worry.

He pursed his lips in my mind. _"Hmm. Well, you were probably right about that."_

I tensed in fear. I wanted to start begging him out loud to not do anything to Sauli, but I stayed still, not wanting to look like a psycho in front of the Finn. Randomly screaming at the air to get rid of the voice inside my head probably wasn't a good idea at this very moment.

"_I mean, I _am_ fully rested now. When the right moment comes, and you still don't know what that is because you're an absolute imbecile," _he rolled his eyes at me, _"I could easily take over long enough to kill the pathetic twerp only to have the pleasure of seeing you suffer. How would you feel if you awoke again after I was out to find that doll lying limp in front of you, and your hands were stained with his blood?" _With a wicked grin, he shuddered in my head and cracked his neck. _"Ooh, I just shivered from excitement. That sounds splendid to me."_

"Please," I whispered barely audibly, feeling my eyes sting painfully and my gut twist in horror as Sauli happily pranced over to the edge of the pool where he was far away enough that he couldn't hear me, "I love him."

The voice scoffed. _"HA! Love? That's the most bullshit idea that people have created for themselves. There's no such thing. There's only lust. What it all comes down to in the end is to fuck and be fucked, right?" _I knew he was giving me an accusing glare even though I couldn't physically see it._ "I thought you were going to try to keep that boy away from me. Why is he here? Hmm, let me guess. You couldn't let him go before screwing him to your satisfaction again. Love, my ass."_

"You're wrong," I muttered under my breath.

He snorted and rolled his eyes again. "_You can try to layer that raw truth with your silly excuses like your emotions and good intentions, but in the end, to fuck him again is your goal. You dare call that love? You just can't forget about your own selfish needs, and that's only natural. This isn't love. Nothing is. You think with your dick like the rest of us and then try to make your actions seem less savage and primal by sugar-coating it with lies such as the idea of love. You are no different from me when stripped down to the core." _

My eyes narrowed and I hissed quietly enough that Sauli couldn't hear, "What the fuck are you talking about? He's only here for a few days. I'm not going to make a move on him. I'm just here to help him out."

"_And what do you expect your reward to be?"_

"Absolutely nothing. I don't want anything from him. I can't stand for him to love me again, or whatever you want to call it, only to have him crushed by you." My voice was strained as I struggled to only whisper. "I just want to see him back on his feet again. _That _is love, something you couldn't possibly understand. And in the meantime, I'll be avoiding him as much as possible to make sure that whatever it is that triggers you doesn't happen near him."

The voice chuckled and he shook his head. "_You'll go through all this trouble to help him out, keep him safe, not have sex, and then kick him out, all while steering clear of him and without a single nod to your own desires... just to make sure that I won't get the trigger and chance to do anything…" _He sighed in exasperation, like he was running out of patience with a small child. "_You've really thought this out, haven't you? Are you really that afraid of me?"_

"I'm not afraid of _you. _I'm afraid _for _him_,"_ I insisted sharply in a hushed tone.

What he said next threw me off guard.

"_What if I told you I wouldn't bother him at all…?" _he echoed timidly in my head.

I blinked several times, trying to wrap my head around what he just said. "I wouldn't believe you," I hissed quietly after a moment of re-stabilizing my thoughts. "You said it yourself. You want to tear him apart just to ruin me."

I forced a smile on my face as Sauli turned around from the pool and mouthed, "Wow" with a huge grin before gazing out at the amazing view again.

"_I thought about it and changed my mind. I'm not the monster you think I am," _the voice said with the same sarcastic tone. _"I'd never hear the end of it if I killed him and had to sit around and listen to your ridiculous, depressed thoughts. Plus, what if you were stupid enough to kill yourself because of him? You almost did once. It would be the end of me as well, and we can't have that, now can we?"_

I blinked and stayed quiet, slightly intrigued, yet wary, by his proposition.

He went on after noticing my confusion, "_I'll tell you what. I won't kill him if I'm triggered and you can be _with_ him or whatever you dumbasses call your petty relationships. How's that sound?"_

"What?" I said, nearly too loud.

"_You heard me. I'm not repeating myself."_

My heart fluttered in hope, but my mind was still suspicious. He sounded so… I don't know, like… mocking and arrogant, or maybe that was just the regular tone of his voice.

I whispered, "How can I trust what you're offering after all you've done is threaten him?"

"_So, you don't listen to anything I've ever told you, except for my empty threats…"_ He shook his head in disgust, but caught himself. _"Look,_ _you've already heard my reasoning. I don't need my life to be a living hell after he's gone since I'm stuck with you. And what other choice do you have? Are you really going to pass him up because of your silly impression of me? "_

"Adam, what are you doing? Quit standing around!" Sauli called out impatiently, gesturing me toward him. "Come here!"

Sauli's addictive voice calling my name instantly sealed my decision for me. I didn't even have time to think about it. I realized that I was going to take this offer without a concern. It already broke my heart just considering letting Sauli go when he was finally back, but if this parasite was promising to leave him alone and let us be together, then there was no way in hell I was going to slap away this extremely rare generosity.

Barely moving my lips, I whispered "Fine," with hearts in my eyes as I made my way over to Sauli, ignoring the little alarm of warning going off in the back of my mind. "Deal."

The voice chuckled devilishly and smirked, but I thought nothing of it. And immediately, I felt peaceful solitude in my head again. He was gone… wherever "gone" was.

I felt my entire body warm up with hope as I reached Sauli and he beamed up at me, oceanic eyes twinkling from the city lights. I sighed with a feeling of contentment and I subconsciously wrapped my arm around him like it was a reflex; a natural instinct to hold him. I pulled him closer and tucked him into my side as we stood over the edge of the pool, overlooking the dazzling night view.

"It's incredible," Sauli mused, neither of us tearing our eyes away from the glimmering lights and skyscrapers below. "How do you ever leave this place? Such a beautiful view…" He shook his head in awe.

"I can think of a more beautiful one," I murmured, glancing at Sauli through my peripheral.

Sauli looked up in confusion, only to snort with amusement when he saw me peering down at him intently out of the corner of my eye. He nudged me playfully with his hip before crossing his arms and muttering, "Cheese-ball" as he continued to stare straight ahead, grinning.

I refocused my eyes onto the colorful array of flashing lights in the city, enjoying this peaceful moment and the decision I'd made. I felt lips press quickly against my covered shoulder and I smiled to myself, rubbing my hand gently up and down Sauli's opposite side in thanks. Wrapping my other arm across his abdomen, I pulled Sauli into my chest, smothering his face into my collarbone. I tightened my arms around him when he slowly hugged me back, and I closed my eyes shut as I buried my face into his hair.

"I still love you," I admitted with a mumble into his hair and Sauli tensed, "_so much."_

I felt my eyes sting from the sudden overwhelming sense of longing for and missing him.

I pulled away just slightly and unwrapped one arm from around Sauli, bringing up my hand to cup his cheek and tilt his face up to look at me. Sauli's bright blue eyes were a mixture of confusion and yearning as I gazed heavily into them, rememorizing them as best as I could. As if his irises were a whirlpool, I was pulled in without a chance of escaping. I tightened my arm around him and held his head still with my hand as I leaned in, closing my eyes, and was drawn in so close, I could feel the heat radiating off his face. I felt my lips contact his blazing cheek and paused for a moment before proceeding to trail lovingly chaste kisses down toward his mouth. The instant our lips brushed against each other, I felt that addicting jolt of electricity shoot down my spine. I continued just sweeping my open lips across his slowly, barely touching him… waiting. I finally felt relief when Sauli closed the airy distance and kissed me back, molding his lips to mine. I felt desire pool in my gut and elsewhere as I caressed his cheek gently and kissed him agonizingly slow, pouring as much heat into it as I could. As soon as my tongue brushed against his pulsing lower lip though, Sauli pulled away.

My eyes fluttered as I opened them, confused and a little hurt. At least he hadn't moved completely away and was still in my arm. Sauli looked up at me a little breathlessly.

I stroked his cheek with my thumb and quietly mumbled, "Sauli?"

"What are you doing, Adam…?" Sauli asked sadly, brow furrowing. "I thought you didn't want me to be at risk for whatever reason by being with me. Why are you torturing me like this? It's not fair to me if you get to kiss me whenever you feel like it, but I can't, _and _I can't have you anymore."

He swatted my hand from his cheek, but I just moved it to his beautiful hair, running my fingers through it as I frowned down at him.

"I know… and I'm sorry," I mumbled, gazing down at him intently. After a minute, I continued faintly, "Do you really still want me…?"

Sauli's expression turned sarcastic. "Is that a serious question?" I kept staring at him, stern expression unchanged. Sauli rolled his eyes before staring hard at my chest and placing his palm over my heart. "Always."

A small smile graced my lips, and my skin tingled blissfully from his answer. "Then, I'm yours," I said with a slightly bigger smile, still playing with his hair and skin. I couldn't stop touching him… like I needed constant reassurance that he was really here and I wasn't crazy.

Sauli's eyes widened and he looked taken aback. "You changed your mind?" he asked, sounding shocked and a bit excited. "Why…?"

I sighed, wishing he would just accept what I said. He was still as curious as ever.

"I told myself after I lost you that if you ever came back and you were willing to let me be yours again, I would accept with open arms. And now here you are again… and you're willing... for whatever reason, even though I clearly don't deserve you…" I sighed. "I can't stand not giving you what you want, so no matter what, if you truly still want to be with me, I will belong to you completely until you move on."

"Adam…" Sauli warned, eyeing me. "That would mean you'd have to stay with me for a long-ass time, like forever. I've never moved on and never will, do you understand that?"

"I wasn't hoping for that," I admitted. "You already know how I feel about all this, but…"

Sauli noticed the slight worry on my face and promised, "I know you wish I moved on, but please, we'll make it work. We did it before when the circumstances were much worse."

"Oh yeah," I rolled my eyes, "because that all worked out _so _well."

Sauli scowled. "It's different now," he insisted.

"I know," I assured him. "That's why I'm here now, offering you everything we almost had…"

Sauli noticed my slight frown. "I still don't know what you think is so risky this time."

I struggled not to bring up the fact that I'd hit him… even though it wasn't technically me. But, he couldn't know that.

"It's nothing." I smiled, trying to hide my tiny amount of apprehension. Or, at least… I _hoped _it was nothing, as long the deal I just made was honored. "And okay… We'll make it work."

"So… you're mine?" Sauli asked quietly, doodling with his finger on my covered chest before peering up at me and raising a brow.

I hesitated and then nodded slowly with a tiny twitch of my lips, locking the decision.

"Always."

The joy in Sauli's face warmed my heart and forced a lump in my throat.

Sauli grabbed my shoulders and pushed up onto his toes to crush his lips to mine. I melted into it and was excited at his enthusiasm for only a second before I felt a shove and I was falling backward. I couldn't manage out a scream before I smacked into the pool with a huge splash. Water surrounded my senses and washed over me as I sunk in. I flailed around in the pool when I realized what had happened, trying to resurface. My head broke free and I sputtered out, gasping and coughing as my feet touched the bottom. Cold air nipped at my face as I frantically looked around. My eyes landed on Sauli who was bent over, hugging his gut from laughing so hard.

"Oh, fuck you!" I coughed, irritably splashing water in his general direction. He'd ruined the moment _and _I was completely soaked now. "What the hell was that for?!

"Sorry, baby… muscle spasm." Sauli gave me a fake-ass apologetic look and knelt down by the edge, reaching out for me.

His mistake...

I swam over with a devious plan in mind, gently took his dry hand, giving him a sweet and innocent smile, and trying to look grateful for his offer to help me out.

I suddenly grabbed Sauli's forearm tightly with both hands and jerked him down toward me, pushing off the pool wall with my feet. Sauli yelled out as he fell face first into the pool. Now it was my turn to laugh, watching him splash around hysterically as he struggled to turn himself right way up the way I did to get some air. The pool was shallow enough on this end for us to be able to stand with the tops of our shoulders sticking out of the water. Sauli resurfaced and gasped for air as he stood up, realizing this. He threw me a glare when he heard me snort-laughing, and I just laughed harder when I saw the look on his face, until my face was suddenly whipped with water as Sauli splashed me.

"Hey!" I yelled out, cracking up some more.

Sauli kept splashing me mercilessly. I closed my eyes to avoid getting my eyes whipped with water and blindly moved forward, with my hands up as a shield, fast enough to almost tackle him. I pushed at his chest as he continued trying to fight me off until he was pressed against the wall of the pool, and then I immediately held down his arms at his sides. Sauli struggled to get free, and my eyes narrowed into slits with a sly smile on my lips as I forced him to submit.

"Resistance is futile," I growled playfully. "You, a tiny elf, are no match for me."

"Ass," Sauli spat jokingly.

I shrugged, still holding Sauli's arms down. "You started it. I was perfectly fine with being dry."

Sauli's head was close enough that when he scoffed, his breath hit my wet face. As it did, I blinked several times and forgot where I was, overwhelmed by an old desire, and I found myself being drawn in, like it was an invitation. Robotically, I let go of Sauli's arms to hold his head in place as I stared intently and warningly into his eyes and leaned in further. I froze an inch away from his lips with my eyes closed, waiting once again, not wanting to do anything without his permission. I felt Sauli's hands move to my hips and he jerked me forward, closing the distance between us as he mashed his lips against mine.

It wasn't long before the kiss turned dirty and desperate. Sauli's heated tongue shoved itself into my mouth and found mine as I kissed him harder. It was completely silent in the air except for the sounds of little splashes and small moans. He was rough and had clearly forgotten his place throughout the years as he fought me for dominance. Sauli's hands trailed over my ass and squeezed. I growled into his mouth and nipped his lip, refusing to submit. Sauli froze for a split-second from the unexpected bite and I took the opportunity to completely overpower him and take the lead.

My hands snaked down his chest and ass until I reached his thighs, never leaving Sauli's willing mouth for air. I grabbed the back of his thighs and lifted them up under the water easily. Sauli's legs wrapped around me from under the water and he threw his arms around my neck, closing all distance between us. I was getting stiffer by the second as jolts of pleasure and nostalgia shot throughout me nonstop with every sweep of Sauli's tongue. I cupped his ass cheeks firmly in place and rubbed against his hard-on with mine through the soaked, thin pajama pants. Sauli broke away for a second to moan out loud, both of us panting breathlessly. I shivered against him from the sound of his need. God, I missed this. My drenched clothes suddenly felt way too weighted and clingy.

I licked Sauli's swollen lips once before taking hold of his waist, hoisting him out of the water and onto the ledge. Sauli scrambled back a few feet onto the grass as I climbed up after him, dripping wet and slightly chilled from the air. Like a predator, I grabbed Sauli's ankles to stop him before he could get too far and immediately draped myself over his soaked body, trapping him. My clothes stuck to and cooled my heated skin. I held down his biceps in the grass and attacked his mouth again. Sauli arched into me, trying to appease himself with friction. We rolled around in the grass, entangled with each other. I ended up on top of him again with another dominating kiss and I raked my fingers down his body while he was distracted with my tongue, suddenly grabbing a handful of the rock-hard bulge in his pants. Sauli gasped into my mouth and I smirked against his in return.

As I stood up, I took hold of Sauli's hands and pulled him up with me, tugging him up and straight to my lips. I embraced my love tightly as I kissed him, soaked hair clinging to my face, but now with grass decorating us. I broke away with a smack and gazed into his lust-darkened eyes.

"Come," I insisted in a low, hungry voice.

I grabbed Sauli's pulsing hand and tugged him toward a different glass door, leading into my master bedroom. I nearly broke the fucking glass as I desperately tried to get inside. I dragged Sauli into the bedroom, not bothering to shut the door again. I didn't even care about the wet, dirty patches we were making on the carpet.

My mouth was on Sauli's once more as I guided him backwards to the bed. The backs of Sauli's thighs hit the edge and I followed him down as he bent over backwards onto the sheets. Without breaking the kiss, we somehow managed to climb up a little until we were in the middle. I could hardly find myself to mind that we were completely soaking and staining the sheets. Right now, _nothing _else mattered except this exquisite creature beneath me.

Sauli arched up and rubbed against me, panting hard as I broke away from his lips and started leaving a trail of licks and kisses down his jaw, throat, all the way to his collarbone. I made sure to pause at the hollow of his neck and continually suck and nip at it until the mark made was to my satisfaction. All the while, Sauli was squirming and gasping underneath me. I paused from the teasing and gave him a small smile before pressing a quick kiss to his cheek and taking hold of the hem of his shirt. He repositioned for a moment to allow me to peel off drenched top and chuck it off to the side, revealing his gorgeous tattoos and toned abdomen.

I sat up, straddling him, just stopping what I was doing and staring. I heard a gasp, but it could've just been me.

I kept blinking, trying to make sure this wasn't a hallucination, as I brushed my hands down Sauli's chest in a fascinated daze. His smooth skin was gleaming slightly from the wetness, and it looked good enough to eat. I just wanted to taste every inch of his golden body, including the incredible bird tattoos across his chest and the flowers swirling elegantly down his arm. He was so beautiful… more so than ever. I was practically drooling over his toned perfection. He looked better than any memory I had of him… It hurt how much I missed this body.

I tore my eyes away from his abdomen and peered up at him from under my lashes. Sauli was still panting lightly and gazing at me with dark, but curious eyes, probably wondering why I'd stopped and was gaping at him. I just shook my head at him, disregarding his question lingering in the air before leaning back down for another kiss. I poured years of longing into this kiss, feeling my brow furrow as I mustered up enough pain and desire from over the decade and showed it in how urgently I moved my mouth with his. I just couldn't get close enough to him.

I didn't stop as I stripped Sauli of his wringing-wet pajama pants with one hand. Sauli hiked up slightly in order for me to pull the hem down past his thighs before he kicked them off. When I felt something moist and stiff hit my hip, my entire body shuddered with desire at the fact that the one man that I'd dreamed about for a decade was under me right now, naked and willing to give me everything. I broke away from Sauli's lips and sat up above him with my knees on either side of his legs, taking in the fully bared view lying in front of me once more.

"God," I said, voice strained as I stroked his inner thigh. "Amazing."

My eyes locked sincerely with his for a minute, just taking the time to realize how surreal this moment really was as I caressed his legs. After so long… here we were. I could stop all this and just stare at him lying here in his purest form for hours on end.

I was really ruining the heated moment for myself right now, feeling my eyes burn from the old regret and the pain of missing him so much. How was I ever supposed to let him go this time if something went wrong? I wouldn't be able to handle it a second time.

"Come on," Sauli said impatiently when I'd spaced out. "Take it off."

I needed to shut my thoughts up and focus on cherishing this heavenly being with everything that I had. I needed to worship this beautiful man's body, mind, and spirit with the one act that would bind us together as lovers. I forced myself out of my daze and looked back down at Sauli's glorious self.

"You do it for me," I smirked, feeling my cheeks burn.

Sauli raised his eyebrows before sitting up with his legs still trapped underneath me, meeting me almost at eye level as he started unbuttoning my shirt one at a time. He took his sweet time about it too and never wavered his intense stare from my eyes, face just inches from mine. Sauli gently pushed my shirt off my shoulders and caressed my chest with both hands as I discarded the top. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against my collarbone before wrapping his arms around me and snuggling into me. The heat of his bare chest against mine and his strong arms around my back was almost unbearable. I could feel his heart pounding in rhythm with my own.

"Pinch me," I muttered into Sauli's wet hair as I enveloped him into my own arms and held him to me like a lifeline. "This can't be real." I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my shoulder blade as Sauli did as I asked. I flinched, arms tightening around him, and my voice jumped as I squeaked, "Ouch!"

"You're not dreaming," Sauli mumbled, kissing along my chest. I scowled at the wall ahead, still feeling the stinging pain. I didn't mean it literally, dammit. "So beautiful…" He trailed his fingers down my entire abdomen as he pulled away slightly. My slight pain waned and I watched him in awe, feeling the longing for him become intolerable.

I cupped both sides of Sauli's face gently and leaned down to give him a sweet and messy kiss. I continued to attack his already bruised lips, jaw, and neck, licking and kissing my way down with the occasional nip as he panted and moaned quietly.

"You're killing me," Sauli groaned in between ragged breaths. "How'd you get so good?

I smirked into the hollow of his neck and muttered, "Practice," before sucking the sweet spot.

I could practically hear Sauli roll his eyes at me.

His nails dug into my bare shoulder blades as I pushed him down onto his back again, hovering over him as I ravaged his upper body. Sauli was writhing when he finally pushed me away for a break, nearly gasping for air. I glanced down at his disheveled appearance. He was covered in sweat already, or maybe that just was pool water, and his eyes were fully blown, gazing at me up and down repeatedly. He finally caught his breath and I noticed his lustful eyes tone down quite a bit as they kept lingering on my body above his. I was getting confused and a little insecure under his scrutinizing gaze. Sauli bit his lip and peered up at my face again after analyzing everything else.

I was about to ask him what was wrong, but he answered before I could open my mouth.

"Do you have any idea how amazing it is to see you without a single bruise?" Sauli murmured quietly, shaking his head slightly in disbelief as he placed his palm over my heart and stroked my skin lightly.

My eyes stung and I had to fight to swallow the sudden ache in my throat.

"Oh…" was all I could manage without breaking down.

"All my memories of you were decorated in black and blue, but now…" he went on, trailing his hand down my chest, "there's nothing. Perfection..." He leaned up for a quick second to kiss the hollow of my throat in appreciation, soothingly sending the aching lump away, and then ran his hand down the entire length of my left arm. "Scars are gone too..."

It was true. Most of my scars had faded to nearly nothing over the years of finally recuperating. And because of my promise to Sauli, I never resorted to that self-mutilation ever again. For the scars that ran too deep into my flesh, I had to get some special oil to rub over them over the past few years to make them less noticeable. If you squinted, you could still see their traces, but for the most part, I was healed… at least _externally. _

"Thanks to _you,"_ was the only thing I said before leaning down and pecking his lips with a smile. Yes… the man who saved my life was back in it, and no one, not even me, would screw it up this time. No parents and no classmates around at every damn corner. We were adults with the freedom to do whatever we wanted together. Who could stop us?

My thigh brushed against Sauli's erection and he winced, subconsciously bucking up.

"Adam," he whined, "please. I can't take it anymore. Please, miss you."

I nodded seriously. I realized that we would probably have countless nights for me to release my bag of tricks on him and linger out the foreplay longer. I didn't necessarily have to show him _everything _I learned and mastered right now. Man, I sounded like a whore… Anyway, tonight would be saved for the main event. I _was _desperateto just be inside him again, but not for the reasons the idiot in my head thought. I wanted to just connect with him once more; feel him be mine on an emotional and physical level. We'd only done it one time before, but that was the happiest memory of my entire lifetime and I yearned to relive it again while I still had the chance.

"Okay," I mumbled quietly, pecking his cheek before straining to reach out for the bedside drawer, fumbling around in there before pulling out two small packages.

Sauli chewed on his lips and watched me curiously as I ripped the first package open with my teeth and oozed out the gel-like substance onto my fingers. I sat up and spread his legs, caressing them gently and placing little kisses on his inner thighs. He squirmed when I drizzled some of the lube down his crack and brushed my fingers over it.

"You're sure?" I asked, looking down at Sauli's anxious face. He nodded rapidly, impatient.

I felt heat prickle all over my skin as I nudged him open with two fingers, feeling my breath hitch when both digits slowly disappeared, joint by joint until they were completely in the tight space. Sauli made a little sound and shifted. I could hear him breathing hard through his mouth. I looked up at him and desire burst out in flames all over my skin at the sight of him just lying there, sprawled out, eyes closed, and in complete ecstasy because of me. I waited until he stopped moving and proceeded to stretch him out with both fingers, scissoring him from the inside as I pumped my fingers in and out repeatedly, but slowly. I added a third finger and continued, holding his thigh down and spread as I opened him up for me.

A moan ripped out of Sauli's throat, sending an uncontrollable craving down my spine and straight to my dick. His hand flew to his cock, wrapping around it, and he arched up with another broken groan as he started to pump it in time with my fingers. I grabbed his wrist with my free hand and forcefully pulled it off of his raging problem.

"_No_," I insisted, gripping his wrist tightly and pushing it down onto the sheets. "Let me. Don't touch."

Sauli gave me a desperate look as he panted, "Fuck you. I need—"

He arched up and moaned loud enough to wake the dead when my fingers suddenly hit the sweet spot inside of him. He sank back down into the sheets, but continued twitching and gasping whenever I brushed the spot again.

"Relax," I cooed, caressing his tense stomach with feather-light touches when I noticed that he was fisting the sheets. Sauli did as I asked with obvious difficulty, letting go of the damp sheets and opening up his darkened eyes to look at me. Immediately, my fingers slid in and out of him with more ease. I admired, "perfect," before I took out my fingers completely.

"Adam…" Sauli panted, pleading to me with his eyes fully blown. "Come on. I can't."

I leaned back over him with a smile, holding myself up with my hands on either side of his head, and lined up my clothed cock with his naked one, rubbing hard against him. The friction was too sensual to bear and my arms that were holding me up started to tremble from the pleasure. I panted lightly as I continued to move back and forth against him slowly, pressing down against his groin. Sauli's face scrunched up and he bared his neck, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he struggled to breathe evenly. Desire shot down my spine and tingled in every pore at the sight.

I pulled my soaked pants down to my thighs before slowly draping myself over Sauli and kicking the dripping fabric completely off. I lowered down until we were pressed up against each other, chest to sweaty chest, before grabbing his biceps and grunting with effort as I flipped us over within the next second. Surprised, Sauli's eyes fluttered and looked down at me in a confused daze.

"What—" he started.

"—Ride me," I demanded huskily, grabbing his ass cheeks.

Something flashed in Sauli's eyes and I could practically see his face redden. I picked up the condom package from somewhere on the bed and held it up in front of his face with two fingers, raising a brow suggestively. Sauli's lips twitched before he licked them and took the package from me, tearing it open. He sat up on my stomach and I shivered from his touch when his hand reached back and brushed over my dick at full attention before he slipped the condom onto me slowly, fingers lingering longer than necessary. The teasing bastard…

I held onto his hip with one hand and positioned myself underneath him with the other. Sauli kept his eyes locked with mine, both of us whimpering slightly when I nudged his entrance. I paused to affirm my grip on his hips before slowly pushing in, shifting and moaning with every inch. Sauli squeezed his eyes shut as he let out a long, soft moan. He tightened around me when I was fully inside of him and I nearly lost it then. I bit my lip as I waited for him to adjust. I moved inside him just slightly, experimentally, and Sauli shook his head stiffly with a loud groan, and suddenly, he wasn't able to hold himself up anymore. He slowly lay down while I was still inside of him, and like he was boneless, draped himself over me. I let go of his hips and wrapped my arms around his heated abdomen, hugging my love close to me as he buried his face into my neck and panted softly.

"I'm ready," Sauli mumbled hungrily into my skin after a silent minute, making me tingle inside of him.

I cupped his cheek and brought his mouth to mine as I gradually started to pull out almost completely. I kissed him sinfully to distract him from the pain until it was replaced with pleasure, as I thrust back inside, unhurriedly at first, but getting faster with every passing second. It took a minute to catch the pace and slide in and out easily, but once we both were adjusted and all discomfort vanished, I moaned into Sauli's lips as I grabbed his ass cheeks, pushing his lower half down to meet my thrusts as I rammed into him suddenly harder.

"Oh _god," _Sauli gasped against my mouth, breaking the searing kiss. "Fuck!"

Sauli gripped my shoulders tightly, nails digging into them as I just closed my eyes and threw my head back, pushing up into the blissful tightness. Sauli's tongue was at my bared neck not a moment later, sucking and kissing my sweaty skin, surely leaving multiple hickeys for me to cover up later. I thrust into him particularly hard at one point and he hissed in pleasure as I hit the sweet spot, abruptly biting into my neck. I found my senses to be a mess and couldn't figure out if that should've pained me or not, since all it did was send another pleasurable jolt straight to my cock.

"Baby, s-so good," I nearly whimpered, taking in ragged breaths. "So _tight..._"

"Don't fucking stop," Sauli warned with his eyes squeezed shut as he pushed himself up into a sitting position again, holding himself up with his palms pressed hard against my tense waist.

I sank in deeper now with every jerk of my hips as Sauli dropped down continuously in time to meet my thrusts, moaning brokenly and clawing at my torso the entire time as he struggled to keep himself upright. His head was thrown back, neck glistening with sweat as he gulped. His dick bounced lightly as I pounded into him repeatedly. I took one hand off his ass to wrap my hand around his cock. Sauli choked on a moan and yelped out in surprise as I started smearing the pre-come and pumping him in time with my rhythmic thrusts.

I could barely hear anything except my own goddamn panting as I felt myself getting closer and closer. I was just completely gone, unaware of anything except my own pleasure and my love's. My eyes were lustfully focused on Sauli's disheveled body, not wanting to miss a moment of the ecstasy glowing from him. I was in awe that he looked like such a sexual mess because of _me._ It slipped my mind that I was still stroking and fisting Sauli's cock mercilessly until he suddenly cried out, freezing on top of me as he came all over my chest, and witnessing that alone was enough to send me over the edge. I gasped just as my vision flashed white, and I arched painfully, nearly screaming with my orgasm. My body jerked and then stilled as I released inside of him.

I was brought out of my high, vision returning, when I felt Sauli's chest press against mine again, smearing and trapping his own come between us. His flaming cheek stuck to my chest and he panted lightly, not saying a word. I shuddered from the intense afterglow heat radiating off him. A few groans made their way out of my throat as I tried to gently pull out and Sauli tightened painfully around my hyper-sensitive dick. He relaxed, noticing my discomfort, and winced when I pulled out completely. After a moment of catching my breath, I reached down without jostling Sauli and pulled off the irritating condom, trying to tie it securely with both hands over Sauli's back, craning my neck to see what the hell I was doing over his blond tuft of hair. I tried not to disturb Sauli as I tied off the condom securely and tossed it to the side, hopefully hitting the trash can.

Sauli started kissing along my chest as I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him close, neither of us willing to speak yet. He peered up at me with tired, sated eyes and angled himself so he could bring his lips to mine. His hand found my bird's nest of hair, running his hand through the sweaty locks soothingly.

"I love you," I moaned softly against his mouth.

Sauli hummed contently in response as we turned to our sides and kissed lazily, slower and slower until he just stopped, falling asleep. I smiled and kissed his forehead, tucking his dreamy head under my chin as I pulled him snug against me, wrapping my arms and legs around him like a protective cage.

It wasn't long before a presence swirled around in my head, pushing my mind to the side to accommodate itself. I winced from the discomfort and the odd weight of another intelligence pressing down on mine. I couldn't see it, but I felt him materialize, and he was smirking at me, shaking his head smugly.

"_See what I mean? Pathetic," _he chuckled with satisfaction in my head. My arms immediately tightened around Sauli and I glared at the wall across from me. _"This is what you call love… just smoke and mirrors to cover for blind lust. Congrats, you've fucked the blond again. You have no use for him now, right? You got what you secretly wanted… so why not hand him over to me now? Don't worry, I'll make sure the last sex he has is the best one."_

"Fuck off," I whispered with a small hiss, trying not to wake Sauli. "We have a deal."

He shrugged innocently. "Fine…" he said seductively, giving me a wicked glint. "I won't _kill_ him."


	11. Two Minds, One Body

Sauli:

I woke up with a deep yawn, feeling my skin drag as I attempted to stretch out and failed, completely glued to Adam's chest and the sheets beneath me. My arms were numb from being squished against Adam's body and I felt oddly gross and sweaty, although I couldn't really find myself to care because I was actually in the same bed as _Adam_ again and his arms were trapping me against him tightly right now. A tired grin broke out on my face, feeling adored as I noticed how protective his embrace was even in his sleep.

I glanced up, only able to see Adam's chest area, and frowned in confusion. Was that a blade of grass on his shoulder? What exactly did we do last night? It was a little fuzzy. I slowly peeled my face off the pillow, craning my neck, and my eyes widened, noticing for the first time the aftermath of our reunion sex. I observed the sweaty, tangled mess Adam and I were in. The impeccable bed sheets from last night now looked like an angry werewolf had been launched at them; completely erratic, wrapped around random limbs, hanging off the bed, and not to mention they were completely sticky and filthy… stained with our dried… uh… _fluids_ and grass. Oh god, that was nasty. That explained why I was sticking to the sheets and Adam. We forgot to clean up afterwards, didn't we? So gross…

I made a small sound of disgust and immediately tried to get up and move away from the mess, but Adam's arms just tightened around me, and while sleeping, he groaned lightly in objection. I sighed and relaxed into the bed again, frowning up at Adam's peaceful face. His hair was chaotic and caked with grass.

The smell of sex lingered in the room and hung heavily in the air. I felt filthy and uncomfortable, but I couldn't get up unless Adam let me go.

"Adam," I mumbled, pushing at his chest lightly with both squished hands. I heard him hum in response and annoyingly squeeze his shut eyes tighter. "We have to get up and clean." All he did was growl disapprovingly at me, still not bothering to open his eyes. I exhaled sharply. "Well, at least let _me _up."

Adam's reply was to tighten his arms around me and squish me even tighter to him after barely managing out, "No."

I clicked my tongue irritably and rolled my eyes. With a bit more effort, I shoved at his chest, trying to push myself away, and Adam just whined in protest, keeping his arms locked around me. He was being so adorable, and I would've loved to just stay in bed with him all day, but what we were laying in and what was sticking to us was disgusting.

I decided to just be frank with him. "Adam, you've got dried come all over you," I said blankly.

Adam's eyes finally whipped open and he blinked several times, adjusting to the light, before his gorgeous blue irises focused on mine. I gave him a tired look and gestured to the rest of the bed with my eyes and a slight side nod.

Still not letting me go, Adam craned his head up over his shoulder a bit to get a good look at what we'd done to the bed. His eyes immediately glinted with amusement, and he snorted and chuckled dryly before finally unlocking his arms around me and stretching them out over his head instead.

I sighed with relief and instantly sat up, holding myself stable with one arm behind me. My head spun from getting up too quickly, and I grimaced at the sheets and my own filthy self. A cold breeze abruptly brushed against me and my head darted toward the open glass door leading to the backyard. I opened my mouth and looked down at Adam to complain, but closed it again when I saw that he had his hands folded behind his head, eyes closed, and a warm smile spread from ear to ear. The corner of my lip lifted up at how content he looked. He didn't care about the mess we'd made to _his _stuff or the cold, he was just happy that I was here, and I was ruining it by being in a hurry to leave.

I stared at Adam's sleepy face for a couple minutes before sighing deeply and laying back down, resting my head on his collarbone, hugging his side, and throwing one leg over him. Adam's strong arms were around me once again, and he kissed my gross hair in what I thought was thanks, before we both just relaxed into the sheets. I let my breathing get slower, and focused on Adam's steady heartbeat, letting his warmth soothe me back to sleep.

A few hours later when we finally did get up and I managed to drag Adam out of bed, we didn't bother to dress, and instead just threw his dirtied sheets into the washing machine before heading back to his room. I could feel Adam's eyes on me as I walked to his open backyard door, hyperaware of my nudity, while he sat on his mattress. I stopped and peered over at him, not missing the way his eyes raked hungrily over my body. I followed his gaze and looked down at myself before scowling and grunting in disgust at the grass and other things stuck all over me.

"Can I use your shower?" I asked him tiredly, yawning.

"Only if I can join you," Adam said, finally awake enough to acknowledge how nasty this was and grimacing at his own body.

Adam got up with a sigh and took my hand in his, pulling me to his bathroom, which was much grander than the one I used to have, yet he seemed to be completely oblivious to how much more extravagant it was. It was funny because he'd once freaked out over my bathroom. He turned on his shower that stretched from wall to wall, adjusted the heat while I marveled at the décor, and then tugged me inside with him.

For a while, we just stood in the spraying water, enjoying the steam and heat, but soon Adam started scrubbing me with the utmost care, not missing a single spot as he lathered me up. I blushed as he cleaned me off, wiping every kind of filth from last night. He was extremely gentle, but thorough, and he caressed my slippery body, kissing along my shoulders from behind. We didn't talk, not even when I could feel Adam's erection pressing against my ass as he massaged shampoo into my hair. It was actually so relaxing that I leaned my head back against his shoulder and closed my eyes as he continued running now only one hand through my sudsy hair.

He slowly wrapped his other arm around my waist and tightened his hold in my hair, starting to rub himself against me from behind. I could hear him panting quietly against my ear. It was harder to breathe with all the steam, and the erotic mood of the situation wasn't helping either. I lolled my head on his shoulder enough to wetly kiss his jawline, brushing my tongue slowly over it. Adam shivered against me and turned his head to mold his sweet mouth to mine. He continued to gently buck against me as our tongues swept over each other more than our lips actually touched.

The sensually humid air and the pulsing heat from Adam's naked body made my lower half stir in excitement, and a familiar tightness spread into my dick. Adam's tongue would dance with mine before he'd slowly lick over my lips and dive into my mouth before starting all over again. The smoothness of the moist muscle brushing over mine and the way his hot breath brushed over my skin was driving me crazy.

Adam loudly moaned into my mouth and rubbed his cock against my ass particularly hard before breaking the kiss with a smack and turning me around to face him. I glanced up to see his fully-blown eyes and dripping hair for only a moment before he grabbed the backs of my thighs and hoisted me up against the wall. I gasped in surprise. I wrapped my legs around him for support and he pressed himself hard enough against me to the wall that I wouldn't fall when he let go of my legs.

He positioned his cock next to mine and started rubbing himself slowly up against it. I moaned and threw my arms against the tiled wall, suddenly needing the extra support to keep me from toppling over to the side.

"Come here," Adam murmured, taking one of my hands off the tiles and wrapping it around both of our dicks.

He put both of his warm hands over my one and started moving them altogether up and down both of our lengths. The friction of rubbing against each other and our hands moving against the rhythm was unbearable. Adam thrust up lightly in time as we jacked ourselves off, starting to pant heavily. My ears were ringing and I could feel my lower belly start to coil tighter with every brush on my skin. The sensations were all too much and even more heightened by the humid air around us. The moans just ripped uncontrollably out of my mouth often while Adam grunted every now and then in pleasure. It wasn't long before my body froze up, my vision decked out with stars, and I released the uncomfortable tightness, coming all over our hands and stomachs. Adam watched and stiffened. With a long, dragged out moan, he followed me into the high.

After catching our breath, Adam slowly let me down back into a standing position, but kept his hands on my waist, and for good reason too considering my legs felt like soggy noodles. It took a long minute to get off the high, and time passed slowly when Adam's mouth was on mine again, kissing me lazily.

I broke away after a few minutes and muttered, "And now we have to clean up all over again."

Adam chuckled huskily, glancing down at the new mess we made on ourselves.

I cleansed him this time, washing him gently, scrubbing his body, the works. We'd stop every few seconds to ravage each other's mouths and soaked bodies, but that was beside the point. The total shower felt like it was over an hour long with the way we were doing it. I looked like a prune by the time we finally left the soppy bathroom and got dressed after bringing up the luggage from the garage. We both put on simple sweatpants and that was it. It was too hot to dress up, plus what was the point? We'd probably take these off too soon enough.

"Want some breakfast, baby?" Adam asked over his shoulder as we made our way down the hall to the kitchen. It was the afternoon, but whatever.

"Yes, please, I'm starved," I replied enthusiastically, staring at his ass only briefly.

We entered the ultra-modern kitchen and I was slightly taken aback by it all, especially the gorgeous granite countertops that sparkled when the light hit them right.

Adam asked me what I wanted, but I told him that it didn't matter, so we settled for some fiber-filled cereal. We ate in peace for a while, not talking much, and I kept taking sneak peeks at Adam's chest, still marvelling at how much healthier he looked on the outside. When we were finished, I kissed Adam's nose and insisted on washing the bowls as he got up to get a bottle of "breakfast wine," as he called it.

As I gathered up the dishes, my foot suddenly caught in the curled corner of a rug by the island counter, and I tripped, dropping the bowls in order to catch myself on the counter edge before I face-planted. I cringed when the horrid sounds of china shattering filled the room and the pieces flew in every direction. My heart pounded as I turned in time to see Adam whip around with a bottle of wine in his hand from the cupboard and stare.

"What happened?" he asked, frowning at the broken bowls. Oh man, they'd looked damn expensive too.

"God, I'm so sorry, Adam," I said quickly, scrambling down onto my knees to pick up the pieces. "I just tripped and—_Ouch!" _I yelped as I attempted to pick up a big piece, only to have it cut into my palm. I dropped it again out of reflex and it shattered further, leaving a visible mark on his once-perfect hardwood flooring. "Shit," I cursed under my breath.

I heard Adam groan as he walked over to me. "Stop, you're just making it worse." He kneeled down beside me after placing the wine bottle on the counter and grabbing a small broom. "It's not that hard." He waved the broom's dustpan in front of my face.

"Oh, come on," I said as I stood up to make room for Adam to clean. "I'm not a child. I _know_."

"Yeah, well, you're acting like one," Adam mumbled calmly from the ground. "You don't just pick it up with your bare hands. Don't be stupid."

His tone wasn't all that mean, but it still pissed me off.

I scoffed. "You don't have to lecture me like Mika," I muttered lowly and rolled my eyes.

I saw Adam's back tense slightly. "Excuse me?" he asked as he turned his head toward me with his eyebrows shot up accusingly, giving me an annoyed look. It just kind of pissed me off.

"You're acting like Mika," I said without a care, glaring a little. "My crazy ex… Remember? He was a know-it-all."

"Oh, really?" Adam said as he stood up tensely, chucking the broom down and leaving the broken pieces all over the floor. "You're comparing me to your ex?" he shook his head in disappointment before saying, "Tell me, did your _Mika _ever take you into his own home to keep you from being on the streets?"

"As a matter of fact, he did," I challenged, crossing my arms. "You're a lot like him... and I'm not sure that's a good thing considering how that ended up."

Adam's eyes narrowed and he huffed.

"He cheated on you and broke your heart," Adam muttered at the ground. "I didn't."

"I got over that fast," I insisted. "And, you broke my heart too, but it stayed like that for _years."_

Adam glared at me. "The difference is… I practically gave up everything so you could be happy. I did for _your _benefit, not mine."

"No, the difference is, what he did was what was best for the both of us. He never just got up and disappeared while I was dying, with some sick idea in mind that it would be_ good_ for me. Guess that makes him better than you, huh?" I scoffed.

"Can you seriously stop?" Adam said, exasperated. "We've talked about this. I _thought _it'd be best for you. End of story. Move on."

The fact that Adam still thought he did me a favor by letting me think he was dead was making my blood boil. How could he assume that I could just forget about the _years _of issues he left me with and move on? I wasted such a youthful decade of my life _depressed _because of him, and for no reason because apparently, he was fine and living it up.

"And what the hell did _you _give up?" I barked, ignoring what he just said. "I threw away a future so I could have you and then you just vanished, leaving me with shit nothing. All you ever were was selfish. I sacrificed everything, including nearly my own life for _yours._ If it weren't for me getting you out of your stupid, _pathetic_ emo self, you'd really be _dead!"_

Adam looked like I'd just slapped him. I heard him gasp slightly and his eyes widened with hurt. I knew I was going to hate myself later for taking it too far just now as he stared at me with fiery pain in his eyes for a minute, but I didn't back down, and eventually, he sighed depressingly, releasing the tension in the air.

"Is that how you really feel…?" he mumbled, now gazing at the ground, voice so quiet I had to strain to hear him. I could see his eyes moisten. "I'm sorry you think so poorly of me. I'd just wanted to protect you."

"Protect me?" I nearly yelled. "From _what_, exactly?!"

He winced at my loud tone, clearly getting annoyed by it, but he didn't answer. He just groaned in exasperation and turned away, grabbing the wine bottle by the neck and swallowing a big chug of it as some sort of support.

"From what?!" I yelled again, not letting go of it. "Stop ignoring me, jackass!"

I jumped when Adam abruptly smashed the nearly full bottle of wine against the edge of the counter in frustration. "Would you just drop it already?" he begged.

I stared at the bottle shards and wine pooling all over the floor and staining his pants in shock. "Holy shit, when did you become your father?" I muttered unthinkingly.

Adam's eyes widened. He gaped at me, appalled. "What… did you just say?"

"You're just like your father," I spat in defiance, knowing fully well this would cost me. I'd taken it too far before, but now, I was just asking for it.

"My father…" Adam said quietly, like the eye of the storm, "was the lowest piece of scum on the face of this planet. He _abused._ He _raped. _He _murdered. _Is that really what you think of me, Sauli? _Is it?" _

I opened my mouth to speak, but Adam interrupted me.

"I'm _not _just_ letting_ him do this, shut up!" Adam randomly barked out of nowhere, not even looking at me.

What the fuck?

I threw him an irritated grimace. "Who the hell are you talking to?"

"No one," Adam spat with a groan, waving his hand dismissively, and sloshing around in the wine.

"Uh-huh. Okay, whatever." I rolled my eyes.

Adam shook his head in disbelief at me. His tone was clipped as he said, "What's gotten into you? You have no right to speak to me like this."

"_Oh,_" I scoffed sarcastically. "Sorry. Forgot you're this almighty celebrity that everyone worships. Pardon me not sucking up to your ass."

Adam scowled. "Listen to you! No wonder Mika cheated on you, and you know what—" He cut off and his face suddenly went pale, looking past me like he'd just seen a ghost. He froze for a moment with fear all over his face before he blurted at the air, "No! I don't want you to take care of this! Don't—"

He cut off again with a small wince, squeezing his eyes shut. His face relaxed for a quick moment before it tensed up again, and his eyes flashed open, glaring daggers straight at me. I just stared at him in confusion. The energy in his expressive eyes felt odd.

"Yeah, um, can you stop acting like a psycho?" I huffed, irritated that he kept addressing someone other than me, when clearly, there was no else around.

"Say that again, you little fucking bastard," Adam hissed, stepping forward and crunching glass under his bare foot.

My eyes widened, mouth popping open slightly. He'd never spoken to me like that before. His tone sent chills down my spine. He didn't sound the same anymore. His entire aura changed in that second. What went from frustrated and hurt vibes was now just pure rage and hatred coming off of him. My next quick-tongued reply was stuck in my throat.

"Are you… okay?" I asked cautiously instead, not able to tear my eyes from the fire and something else I didn't even recognize in him burning in his.

I felt like the small one now.

"Oho, what's this?" he cackled, and stepped closer still, crunching more glass under his feet like it was nothing, eyes glinting. "Where'd your tough guy act go? You're nothing but weak talk."

I fought the urge to back away and instead hissed, "Shut the fuck up—"

I didn't even get a chance to finish before he exploded and was in my face within a second. I heard the slap and went blind for a split second before I felt it. But, when I did feel it, I was cowered over the counter edge, holding on with my forearms to keep myself upright, and staring at the ground in disbelief at what'd he just done, my eyes stinging almost as painfully as my cheek.

"You _really_ need to learn some fucking manners," Adam growled, sounding… well, not like Adam. His voice was the same, but there were underlying tones that didn't fit his usual. I heard him crack his knuckles.

"Fuck you. Ass…_hole!"_ I yelled, lashing out blindly to shove him back, but Adam's hand clutched my neck in the next second and his body pinned mine against the counter. I peered up only to see that Adam's eyes had narrowed into slits, predatorily glaring down at me.

"Unless you can figure out how to properly use that mouth of yours," he hissed into my face, constricting his fingers around my throat, "I'm going to tear you limb from limb." His voice was menacing and low as his nails dug into my throat. His eyes left mine for a moment to rake over my bare chest before glancing back at me and licking his lips.

My eyes widened and my head rang in alarm. I coughed from his grip and started to panic. Something was definitely wrong with him.

"Let me go!" I screamed, and acting strictly from reflex, I suddenly shoved my knee up into his crotch.

Adam hissed in pain, letting go of my neck for a brief moment to cringe. I took the opportunity to shove his face away with my palm before bolting out of the kitchen and down the hallway. The sounds that registered in my head were my pounding heart, and Adam's angry yells and furious footsteps that were slapping against the ground faster than mine as he chased after me. I didn't dare look back to see how close he was as I sprinted down the hall, and honestly, I was fucking terrified for my life.

I ran into his bedroom and slammed the door shut, locking it just as Adam's body rammed into it from the other side, shaking the entire frame. I gasped and backed away hurriedly, tripping and falling onto my ass near the edge of the bed. I panted hard and watched with horrified eyes as Adam kept smashing his body against the door, trying to break the damn thing down. I heard him scream in frustration with every failed attempt and had to cover my ears with my shaking hands because it chilling me to the bone.

"_I'LL KILL YOU!"_ I heard him shriek from behind the door, rattling the knob before plowing himself into the wood again.

I pulled my knees to my chest and shook, squeezing my eyes shut, and only praying that he couldn't get past that door. Tears were brimming over my eyes just from the sheer terror of the situation. I felt like I was reliving the horror that Adam had faced with his father all those years ago. Was this the same petrified feeling he'd dealt with on a daily basis? I couldn't imagine going through this constantly. I'd rather be dead as well. Now I was realizing how much I'd hurt him earlier by saying those things to him.

What the fuck just happened to him? My mind kept hurriedly replaying all the amazing moments from last night and just earlier today. What went wrong? Did I upset him to the point of no return? How could he snap and threaten so seriously to kill me? What the hell was wrong with him?!

I yelped in surprise when the lock suddenly broke and the door whipped open, smashing against the wall. Adam stormed in and looked around the room angrily until his wicked eyes landed on me and narrowed. His lip twitched as he took in my vulnerable position and he made his way over me, almost snickering.

"Adam, please stop!" I whimpered, covering my head as he approached, curling up into myself as much as I could. "I'm sorry!"

I heard him drop to his knees in front of me, forcefully pulling my defensive arms away before roughly grabbing my jaw and forcing me to look at him with my wet eyes. My hands flew to his wrist, digging my nails in as hard as I could, trying to get his fingers off my face, but he didn't even seem to notice what should've been causing him pain. Adam's blue irises glinted and swirled with something, making them unrecognizable as they bore into mine.

What he said next froze the blood in my veins and made the hairs on my arms stand up.

"I'm not Adam," he purred devilishly, his breath brushing over my face. The slow grin that spread across his face was slanted and it was an expression I'd never seen on Adam before.

My heart stopped for a split second and goosebumps prickled up all over me.

What the…?

"Adam, what the hell are you talking about?!" I barely managed without croaking. Oh my god, he _was_ a psycho.

Adam suddenly froze and his eyebrows shot up, giving me a sarcastically accusing look before he let go of my jaw with a short, abrupt, and obnoxious laugh. All of his rage dissipated as fast as it'd appeared.

"Oh, this is gold," Adam chuckled wickedly, dragging his nails harshly through my scalp before taking a fistful of my hair and pulling so hard, I saw white for a split-second. I made noises of severe pain and clawed viciously at his hand, but again, he didn't even acknowledge it. "He hasn't even told you yet?"

He jerked my head to each side with my hair, causing me to yell out in annoyance and pain before he suddenly let go. I scrambled back a little, trying to get far enough away that his hand wasn't within range, but he clenched my ankle instead before I got out of reach as he shook his head in amusement to himself, not even paying attention to me and my frantic self.

"Adam, seriously," I whimpered. "What the actual fuck? You're scaring me." I was afraid to kick off his grip on my ankle, fearing the worst if I did.

Adam refocused on me, the humor in his eyes disappeared for a second, replaced by burning hatred. He snapped, "Stop calling me by that despicable name," furious energy randomly back again. The slightest thing kept setting him off. He dug his nails into my ankle and jerked me closer to him again.

"Huh?" I squeaked, ignoring the pain in my leg and gripping the carpet as a lifeline behind me. I was so completely lost. "What do you mean?"

"_What do you mean?" _Adam mocked and let go of my ankle, pursing his lower lip at me. "This is _perfect,"_ he mused. He laughed with an irritating cockiness in his voice that made me want to yell at him for taking this like it was a joke when, in reality, I could have him arrested right now. He noticed my glare and raised a warning eyebrow at me. "I'll deal with you properly later. It'll make it all the more enjoyable for me if you know. _He_ has to_ tell_ you first. Oh, this is going to be great."

"Tell me what? Who?!"

"Your boyfriend, of course, Blondie," he taunted before closing his eyes and smirking. "Why don't you ask him yourself?"

I was completely and utterly lost because none of what he was saying made any fucking sense whatsoever, and I was almost sure that Adam was mentally deranged. Why the hell was he referring to himself in third person?

I watched with bewilderment as Adam's posture relaxed suddenly and his eyes opened, looking around in confusion for a moment before landing on my petrified figure and widening, not in a teasing and wicked manner, but more like… concern. The little abnormal twinkles in his eyes and odd facial expressions were gone as well, including the weird energy that'd been coming off of him.

"Oh no…" Adam muttered in his normal voice, no chillingly purred tone.

He reached out for me and I scrambled back as far as I could before my back hit the edge of the bed and I screamed, "Don't you fucking dare touch me!"

Adam's hand froze mid-air and he dropped it, biting his lip, like he was unsure how to deal with me. "Sauli?" he murmured quietly, worry filling his eyes.

"I demand a fucking explanation for what you just said." I was still shaking, totally anticipating another attack.

Adam's brow furrowed, and I was starting to feel somewhat silly with how high-strung I was compared to his calm energy. His voice was guarded as he said, "I have no clue what you're talking about. What did I say?"

I was puzzled. My jaw popped open slightly. "Y—you don't remember?"

"No, but are you okay?" Adam asked sincerely, shuffling closer to me, but still far enough that I couldn't lash out at him. "Did he—_I _hurt you?"

My stomach flipped. "You just said _he!"_ I screamed. I sighed in exasperation and tried again, trying not to blow up at him because that would get me pummeled again. My voice was shaky as I tried to evenly say, "Adam, what the fuck is going on?! Tell me now or I _swear_ I'm leaving right this minute."

"Go ahead," he mumbled, scowling at the ground before my feet. "Leave."

Stunned and annoyed that he was willing to get rid of me that fast, I yelled in disbelief, "Adam!"

Adam stared up at me hopelessly. "I'm sorry. I can't tell you. You'll think I'm crazy."

"Not any more than I already do," I muttered under my breath before continuing louder, "_Please._ Just don't let me leave here terrified of you. You're supposed to be able to trust me and tell me everything."

Adam searched my wide eyes for a minute. "Okay," he sighed, surrendering. "But, _please _hear me out first before you call the police or something." He peered at my still nervous face sadly and mumbled, "And please stop looking at me like I'm a vile monster… it's breaking my heart."

I nodded stiffly once, not trusting my voice, and I tried to ignore the way his miserable tone made my heart clench and willed me to reach out for him. I exhaled a deep, shaky breath and urged my body to stop shaking.

"Do you remember when you were in a coma?" he asked quietly. I nodded jerkily, wondering where he was going with this. "I'm sure you know that they tried to kick me out for not being your real family, and that they were going to go ahead and take you off life support anyway."

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked, irritated, not wanting to hear such a horrible story again.

Adam shifted, sitting cross legged, playing with the carpet nervously as he continued, "They tried to force me out, setting their guards on me. I was so panicked and angry for a minute that I felt completely helpless…" He peered up at me from under his lashes.

I stared back with apprehension "And…?"

Adam sighed and stared hard at the ground.

"That was the first time it happened," he muttered.

"What?" I asked, lost.

"I heard a voice just before I lost control of my body long enough to lash out at everyone."

My eyebrows shot up before furrowing in confusion. "Adam, that doesn't—"

"—Just hear me out," he pleaded, raising his palms out toward me. "It didn't stop there. This thing… this _person_… talked to me at random times, mostly when I was highly stressed, and sometimes he could control me for just a few seconds. I still don't know _why _or what causes it." I gaped at him with a skeptical expression. "At first, I thought maybe he was some sort of protector because he'd saved my ass a few times, but no… I couldn't have been more wrong. He is ruthless and he despises me."

"I—" I tried, but Adam shook his head at me.

"Before you say anything, just… _please, _let me finish," he begged. "I ignored_ him_ over the years, but instead of going away, it got worse. I found that I was starting to be able to respond to him, his voice became clearer in my head, and he was able to take over my body longer. It's like there's a whole other person inside of me…"

He looked up to gauge my reaction, and I struggled to keep my face blank.

"Go on," I forced out, trying to keep my voice level and not cynical.

"It got more severe, but it also got less frequent as the years went by for some reason when I moved on from my teenage years. I had to be very careful when I became famous. It's hard to lock him away when I have no idea what triggers him. I couldn't risk having him out now that I was in the public eye because I don't know what he does when he's out," Adam mumbled, sounding shaken. "I'm buried in my own head when he takes over, like… sleeping. I just suddenly wake up somewhere and could only pray that he didn't hurt anyone."

Adam sighed and gazed at me intently, studying me before he went on, "But now, you came back and he suddenly took over again… twice now. That hasn't happened in over a year. I don't think you should stay here with me anymore. It's dangerous. He wants to hurt you. He even told me so. He enjoys my pain at seeing you suffer more than he does yours."

Adam suddenly groaned, slamming his fist into the carpet. I jumped. He spat out, "I _hate _it! I can't stand this. Sometimes, I want to just rip my mind apart and pour bleach into my head until he goes away. I don't understand why I have to suffer this…" He trailed off, not knowing what to call it. He gave me a desperate look. "I think it's best if you just go and settle down on your own. When I'd asked you yesterday to be with me, it was because we made a deal that he'd leave you alone, but I don't know anymore…"

We were silent for a minute after that. I couldn't stop staring carefully at him. What the hell happened to my Adam?

"You made a deal… with a voice in your head… oh…" I finally mumbled, feeling dizzy.

"Look, I know it's ridiculous, but he's real and he's the one who's scaring you, not me," Adam insisted. "All I know is that my mind works differently than yours, I just don't understand why..."

I was stunned and creeped out, not to mention _afraid_ of him.

"What the fuck…" I barely managed out. "You have voices in your head… and they make you do bad things…" Everything that left my mouth just kept confirming his insanity.

"Just one voice and _he _does those things, not me."

Oh, like that made it better.

"Adam…" I said slowly, eyeing him. "This is serious… You can't keep ignoring it. You need professional help."

Adam's eyes whipped up at me and he snapped, "I'm not crazy. I don't need a therapist!"

"Whoa." I rose up my hands cautiously. "It's okay, calm down." I was terrified that he was going to go psycho again and attack me. "But Adam…" I said, almost sugary like I was talking to an angry toddler. "There can't be another person living inside of you, honey… It's not possible. Let me get you some help…"

"Oh my god," Adam squeaked. "Even you just don't get it." He buried his face into his tense hands. "It_ is_ possible and it's ruined so much for me. I never told anyone because I was afraid they'd react like you! I shouldn't have even told you. I should've just let you leave thinking I'd become a monster," he mumbled into his palms, voice breaking at several points. He suddenly got up to his knees and grabbed my biceps, staring frantically at and shaking me. "I am _not _crazy, Sauli. _Please, please _believe me."

"Okay, okay!" I said quickly, still not sure what to make of this. I forced myself to gently brush his hands off of me instead of freaking out and punching him off. "Are you sure you're not bi-polar or something?"

Adam gave me a look. "I'm _sure_. This is completely different. I even thought I was schizophrenic at one point, but none of it matched up, so I don't know... And now, I don't think I_ want_ to know. I'm scared."

I sighed, trying to wrap my head around this. He seemed to be telling the truth. I'd never seen such desperation to get me to understand without judging him.

"So, if you're saying that this… _person_ can take over your body and use it as his own…." I said slowly. "Then… back at the hotel, that was… _him?_"

"Yeah…" Adam nodded, dreading this. That explained who I heard him talking to behind the door. "He's the one who… hit you. He gets pissed off and offended when you get mad. Speaking of which, what did he do this time? He didn't hurt you, did he?"

I could still feel the phantom whip of his palm burning in my cheek. I looked up at Adam's painfully concerned and worried eyes and realized I couldn't tell him. He was already tormented by this enough. If what he was saying was true, then I wasn't going to let that… thing… person… whatever…. in his head get the satisfaction of seeing Adam tortured by my pain.

"Not really…" I mumbled. "_He _chased me in here, but stopped when he realized that I had no idea who he was. And then… Well,_ he _told me to ask you about him and insisted I don't call him by your name."

It was making my mind whirl to keep switching from "you" and "him" when referring to the same damn person. It was ridiculous that I even had to because it barely made any fucking sense.

Adam rolled his eyes. "Yeah, he hates me, and makes sure to tell me that all the time. The feeling is mutual. Neither of us enjoy being stuck together, so why are we?" He shook his head in agitation. I just watched him, fascinated that he was able to speak about this like it was completely normal. "He can talk to me in my head while I'm present, like right now, except he's not here. If he's talking to me, he can see what's going on through my eyes, sees and hears everything I do, but I can't see what's happening or talk to him while he's out, and I don't know why. I just sleep in the darkness and so does he, but unlike me, he can choose to wake up and _see_ with me. And because of all that, I have no memory of what he does, but he shares my memories. Is this making sense?"

I blinked, trying to take that all in.

"Sort of… Let me get this straight…" I said slowly, giving him the benefit of the doubt. "If you're in control, he can talk to you in your head, see what you see, and have your memories as well _if_ he so chooses to?" Adam nodded, looking hopeful that I was being open-minded about this. "But… on the flipside, if _he's _out, you're just like what, unconscious?"

"Like sleeping without dreaming," Adam explained. "Just dormant."

"Okay… and you can't talk to him, see anything, or remember what he did… Why is that? Why can he?"

"I have no clue…" Adam mumbled. "I wish I did."

It was quiet for a long moment after that.

"Adam, let me help you," I said, pleading with my eyes. Adam opened his mouth to object, but I continued quickly, "Without getting you a therapist, don't worry. It's just that, I'm not going to leave you here to suffer alone. Maybe I can do something to help. At least now I know what's going on and I'm prepared."

"But, what if he comes out and attacks you?" Adam asked with a groan, putting his head in his hands again. "I don't know what causes it!"

"It's okay," I said reassuringly, reaching out and placing my hand comfortingly on his knee. "I can handle it now that I know it's not actually _you._ That was the worst part of it, thinking you were actually becoming abusive."

"It's still my body that hit you though," Adam mumbled depressingly. "I can't handle knowing that."

"Adam, stop it," I insisted. "I'm _fine._ You said it yourself. He wants to see you suffer. Why are you letting him win?"

* * *

The ride to wherever the limo driver was taking us was silent. I was still blown away by the fact that I was in a limo, even though it normally wouldn't have been a big deal. I was nearly bouncing in my seat with excitement and touched every random button I could find while Adam, dressed in an expensive-looking suit jacket and leopard-print pants, acted like he'd gotten into a regular taxi, and just stared out the window. This was probably like a usual ride for him. How many other great perks did he get? I mean, just look at his clothes. It must be fun to be rich. Exactly how famous was he? I'd thought he was some American Idol reject, admittedly.

"Is he there…?" I asked Adam quietly across from him, breaking the amicable silence. His head turned toward me from the window.

Adam's lip twitched upward, giving me a sad smile, knowing what I was referring to. "No," he mumbled. "He has no reason to be. He doesn't give a shit about my career and hates seeing people adore me, so he stays away when I'm working. That or he appears in my head just to say hateful things about every rude person I meet and me." He rolled his eyes, and then assured me, "My mind is mine and quiet apart from my own thoughts… for the time being."

I nodded, eyeing him curiously. "Okay, good," I said, looking out the window again.

After a moment, I heard Adam chuckle quietly to himself. I turned in time to see him shaking his head with an irritated smile.

He caught me staring in confusion. "I sound so sane," Adam explained. "I hear a voice inside my head that tells me horrible things. Put _that_ in the tabloids."

I forced a smile, but couldn't get myself to laugh at that. If something like that got out, Adam's reputation would be in jeopardy and his career would be ruined.

The limo rolled to a stop and I could immediately hear cheering from outside. My eyes widened when Adam just smiled at me in encouragement. After a moment, the driver opened Adam's side of the limo. Adam climbed out enthusiastically and thanked the driver. I scrambled to get to the door, only to freeze just before making it out, watching Adam only take so many steps before getting swarmed by dozens of fans in a flash. I was honestly taken aback by the level of fame he seemed to have.

My heart started to pound, instantly worried and nervous for him. I remembered my Adam being horrified in crowds and by any attention drawn to him, literally frozen stiff at times. I felt horrible for him right now. But… Adam was grinning happily. I stared in wonder, eyebrows rising up in bewilderment. He was laughing carelessly and throwing dazzling smiles at every screaming face. He chatted up the fans, treating them generously, and even got them to calm down by just being his warm, soothing self. He hugged many of them, took pictures, thanked them sincerely, and was just so amazingly cheerful.

There was no hint of nerves, not a tense muscle in his back, nothing like the nervous, jumpy wreck I once knew that hid his face whenever someone walked by. What happened to him over the years…? He changed so much… He was almost nothing like the Adam I knew ten years ago… and I really wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.

Adam turned, craning his neck over the flailing heads and jumping bodies to beam at me, motioning me playfully to get out of the limo. Automatically, I did as he asked and then stood awkwardly next to the limo, not really knowing what to do. Everyone followed Adam's loving gaze and stared at me, some eyes widening.

Adam maneuvered through the crowd and walked up to me before throwing his arm around my waist, tucking me protectively close to his side. Everyone went wild, screaming out questions and random sounds of excitement. I couldn't understand a single word. Adam laughed again while I was shocked by the whole ordeal. He pulled me through the crowd, ignoring the questions about his "new man candy". I kept flinching when people would randomly touch or try to grope me, but Adam didn't even twitch once. And of course, the press was going to get a kick out of this. I forgot that this was the first time people were seeing me with him officially.

We arrived inside the building, fans locked out, and now a bunch of people in suits and passes swarmed Adam, giving him directions and instructions. He listened intently to everyone before asking if I could join in the conference. Upon being rejected access for me, Adam sighed and pressed a kiss against my forehead before apologizing a few times and asking me to wait in the safe lobby, away from the rabid women.

I sat on a luxurious lobby sofa and waited for almost an hour, just tapping my foot to keep myself sane. I assumed the meeting was over when Adam emerged from the doorway, surrounded by cameras and people babbling unintelligibly. At this point, I would've lost all patience and blown up at them, so you could imagine how amazed I was by Adam's composure. He was still all smiles and jokes, like there was nothing wrong with his life at the moment, like his entire childhood hadn't been a complete and utter nightmare. He was hiding everything under that foolproof mask and it broke my heart. I had to resist getting up and yelling at everyone to get away from him.

I shook my head in awe. Adam thanked and kindly dismissed the photographers before making his way over to me as I stood up to greet him. He reached me and gave me a warm, genuine smile of apology. I mirrored him.

"Sorry for making you wait, baby," Adam said tiredly with a sigh. "I didn't know they wouldn't let you in."

"It's okay, don't worry about it." I shrugged. "So, how'd it go?"

"Great, I guess. Naturally, they asked about you…" Adam smirked, taking my hand as we started to walk toward the door.

My eyes widened as I peered up at him. "What did you say?" I asked nervously.

"Don't worry." Adam chuckled. "I just said you were someone special that I met in Finland recently. I left out how we actually met… I figured you'd prefer that as well."

"Of course," I agreed solemnly.

* * *

"Ouch, fuck!" I exclaimed, jerking my hand out of the drawer I'd been looking for a knife in. Guess I found one. Fuck me for being an idiot and reaching in there so carelessly. I hissed and examined the gash in the side of my wrist.

Adam was immediately at my side, leaving the bowl of salad he'd been washing for our dinner.

"Are you okay?" Adam asked, worried.

I held up my arm to him, wincing a little. Adam took my forearm gently and examined the thin gash.

"You really should stop self-harming," Adam mused with humor, relaxing when realizing that although long, it wasn't a particularly deep cut. Adam reached into the drawer and pulled out the huge knife by himself, giving me a fake disappointed look.

I was about to make a sarcastic comment, but stopped when Adam's eyes immediately widened slightly as blood started oozing out of the gash. He suddenly dropped the knife and it clattered loudly on the floor. His face paled, and for a second, his eyes went distant before refocusing and color returned back to his cheeks. Adam's grip on my forearm tightened and he dug his nails into my skin.

"Ouch, geez, Adam," I said, wincing from the pang of his nails. "It's just blood. Relax,"

Adam's pupils had dilated and his eyes were glazed over. His grip on me didn't loosen in the slightest. I was confused by his overreaction. I reached up to pull his hand off, but as soon as I contacted his skin, Adam's eyes whipped over to mine and he gave me a sickly sweet smirk.

Out of nowhere, Adam harshly stuck my bloody wrist in his mouth and sucked on the cut. My jaw dropped at what he was doing and my eyebrows shot up. What the actual fuck? His tongue darted out slid over the gash over and over, lapping up the blood enthusiastically like it was aged wine. He dug his teeth into my skin much too hard, sucking painfully, and ripping his teeth off only to bite back in, like he was trying to tear the entire piece of flesh out.

"Adam, stop. That fucking hurts," I complained with a hiss as I tried to tug my wrist out of his fucking mouth.

Despite the pain, my dick was twitching at his actions as his tongue skillfully flicked the slit of the gash, getting rid of every trace of blood. He chuckled lowly around my skin, wicked eyes peering up at me from under his lashes, watching me cringe and wince. I didn't know if I wanted him to really stop, but I was sure he was about gnaw that chunk of skin off any minute now.

"Seriously, Ad—"

"—Not Adam…" he mused devilishly after pulling away with a smack, and finished with another long lick over the cut.

I stared up at the figure in front of me with wide eyes, finally noticing that strange aura surrounding me again. My breathing turned shallow when I saw the glint in his eyes as he smiled down fiendishly at me, still holding my wrist in a death grip. I gulped, feeling a fearful lump in my throat. Those eyes were unrecognizable, definitely not my Adam. This was a vile stranger.

"…_You,"_ I squeaked, attempting to jerk my wrist away.

I wanted desperately to escape the close proximity. I knew this was a dangerous closeness, but just this person's grip was somehow stronger than all of Adam ever was. His hold on my arm didn't even budge as I strained to rip my wrist out of his grasp. I had no chance of leaving as he loomed over me, stepping closer.

"_Me," _he affirmed in a mocking tone. "Hello, Blondie." The non-Adam's eyebrow twitched seductively as he gleamed down at me. "Glad you seem to know now."

Ignoring the way he was looking me up and down like an animal longingly staring at a fresh meal hanging on the other side of their cage, I croaked, "What do you want from Adam?"

I was trying to distract him from molesting my body with his eyes, but also, I wanted some fucking answers that Adam didn't have. Something told me that Adam wasn't just acting like this. He was actually completely gone, and it was so fucking weird because this person was in the same goddamn body as Adam, and yet, I could tell it wasn't him just by the smallest changes in behavior and expression. It made no sense. How the hell was this remotely possible?

He rolled his eyes, annoyed by my question. "From him?" he sneered. "_Nothing."_ This guy looked like he wanted to vomit just from the mere mention of Adam. Was I missing something? Did he hate everybody or was it just Adam in particular, and why?

"From you…?" he continued, licking his lips as he eyed me sinfully. He leaned forward and I struggled to get away, failing miserably. His other hand snaked to my back and jerked me against him, chest to chest, locking me in place with my wrist still in his other grasp by his head. I shuddered when his teeth grazed against my earlobe.

"I want to tear you apart from the inside out," he whispered in a smooth, icy tone, voice full of promise. "I want to watch you beg for mercy as I destroy your pretty little face piece by piece when I fuck you until your last breath."

"You can't," I grunted, jerking my ear as far away to the side as possible, away from his lips. "You made a deal with Adam to leave me the fuck alone. Don't tell me you're that cowardly that you'll break your promise?"

His eyes narrowed and he pulled his head back, obviously irritated by my lack of respect for him. After a moment, his eyes relaxed and the same deceiving glint filled them.

"My dear, I promised not to _kill_ you," he purred. "That's all. I made no such deal that said I can't still have you or do away with you any way I please." I cringed in disgust as he leaned in and slowly dragged his tongue up from along my jaw to my cheek to prove his point before murmuring, "It's not my fault your Adam didn't bother with specifics. I can leave you hanging on by only a thread and I'd still have honored it."

I gasped and whimpered, thrashing around, pushing at his chest with my free hand as I tried to escape, and ignoring the ache in my dick. My body still recognized and responded to Adam's touch and voice, but my mind was fully aware that this wasn't the man I loved. His grip around me tightened, rendering me useless.

"God, I can definitely tell what he sees in you now. You're so tasty when you're terrified," he said casually, mockery lacing his voice. His tone dropped to a lower, more seductive level, lips inches from mine. "I practically live off of it."

I spat on his lips in a desperate attempt to get him to back off.

Big mistake.

He growled threateningly, eyes slitting. His snare on my wrist was gone in an instant, wiping his lips in disgust with his hand before it was suddenly clutching my throat in a death drip. I grabbed at his wrist with my hands, trying to pull away his suffocating grip. I coughed, wheezing from his extreme grasp. Where the hell did his strength come from? I could feel myself getting dizzy as his arm shook from how hard he was squeezing my airways, and his eyes were filled with zero mercy.

"Looks like I really do have to_ teach _you some manners," he hissed. "It's infuriating how you think you can get away with this shit."

I stared into the maniac's eyes, searching for any hint of the man I desperately needed right now. "Adam, _help,"_ I barely managed to beg his irises.

He chuckled with sick amusement, shaking his head, mood shifting again before saying, "Blondie, there's no point. He's gone. Really, don't even bother. You look like an idiot."

A few seconds passed with my throat still trapped in his clutches. I couldn't fucking breathe in the slightest and I was getting lightheaded. Oh my god, I was going to die.

He pursed his lips sarcastically with fake pity. "You're turning blue. How nice. That's a pretty color on you," he hummed.

He suddenly kicked the back of my knee with his heel, causing me to buckle slightly, and shoved me to the ground. He followed me down as I fell onto my back with my throat still gripped in his hand. My vision flashed white as the back of my head struck the ground, and I was winded from the impact, which wasn't helping the fact that I was starting to lose consciousness from being choked by one hand. He straddled me, pinning me helplessly to the floor. My alarms were going off. This was seriously not good.

His hand suddenly left my throat, freeing my desperate airways, but before I could start gasping for sweet air, I heard a muffled smack in the air as his knuckles collided with my cheek, whipping my head to the side. I cried out in pain, wincing at the burn, before I started gasping and coughing frantically, trying to fill my lungs with oxygen again.

He grabbed my jaw roughly and forced me to look up at his menacing self. "And if you ever call me _Adam_ again, I'll kill you. You can be sure of that. Deal or no deal," he snarled, glaring down at me, digging his nails into my jaw.

"Then what—" I coughed again, sucking in big breaths of relief "—am I supposed to call you?" I wheezed, and tried to jerk my jaw out of his hold.

His grip on my on my face loosened, but he didn't let go. I debated taking the opportunity to throw him off while I stared up fearfully at the face of my own love as he pondered my question for a long minute. He pursed his lips, deep in thought. I decided against it. I wouldn't be able to shove him off anyway. He has some freaky, unreal strength. And, what would I do if I did manage to get him off? It's not like I could get away. It would just piss him off further.

His expression seemed contemplative and taken aback slightly, like he wasn't expecting me, or anybody for that matter, to ask for his name. Did he even have one?

"Dark," he decided after a long time with a nod, stating it simply, not looking at me, like he was confirming it to himself mostly. "It _feels _right."

"Dark," I echoed sarcastically. Was he serious? That wasn't a fucking name.

But, _Dark_'s eyes closed at the sound of me saying his name and he shuddered slightly, seemingly enjoying it, or even turned on by it.

"You've got to be kidding me," I muttered, stunned by his reaction.

Dark's eyes whipped open and then narrowed into slits at me. Another freakish mood change… I was rewarded for my idiotic comment with the side of a fist smashing down onto my forehead twice. I winced from the pounding agony in my head, feeling like my brain just got rattled. My vision blurred for a moment and I bit my tongue to keep from yelling out in pain because I refused to start crying in front of this monster. I sucked up the screaming pain in my head, swallowed the lump in my throat, and glared up at him defiantly.

"Watch yourself, you little bitch," Dark warned with a growl. "Don't test my patience."

Still recovering from the blow, I turned my head to the side and desperately glanced around the floor, mentally jumping for joy when I saw the knife Adam had dropped. I stretched my arm across the wood, trying to reach out for it, fingers brushing against the handle, only to be laughed at again.

"Really now, Blondie? A knife?" he snickered, licking his lips. "I _dare_ you to do it. I don't mind. Actually, I encourage it. Go ahead, cut up and mar your precious boyfriend's body to defend yourself. I'm sure he'd love that."

Oh fuck… I knew he was using some reverse psychology shit on me, but he was right. I couldn't do it. No matter what this freak did to me, I couldn't stand hurting his body. It was still _Adam._ If I did attack him to save my own ass, Adam would wake up and be crushed. Not because I'd hurt him, he wouldn't care about himself, but because I'd actually been terrified enough of him to do it after I promised I could handle this. It would ruin him, and that was exactly what Dark wanted, but I refused to let this fucker win.

I was out of luck now. I couldn't stop him from doing anything he wanted to me.

I gazed up at him fearfully as my arm retreated. Dark smirked crookedly at me.

"Good boy," he murmured with the same sarcastic tone. "It's so much nicer when you behave." His nails started raking down my chest. "Now… let's see what's under these clothes with my own eyes."

Panic settled low in my belly.

"You can't rape me," I abruptly blurted in a frantic voice. Dark paused and raised a challenging eyebrow. I continued fearlessly, "I'd rather you just _killed_ me right now. I _hate _you. I'd much prefer death than having your disgusting self all over me."

Dark's face twitched, looking angry, but with something… sadder mixed in for a moment, but then his face settled back to normal, with just a glare plastered on it. I was expecting another hit, but nothing happened.

"Fine," Dark spat after a minute of intense thinking, sitting straight up on top of me. He shrugged. "Actually, you just made this so much better."

"What do you mean?" I demanded, fearing his answer.

He grinned wickedly at me. "It's no fun if I take you right now and have you hate it. Your boyfriend wouldn't be too upset knowing you'd been unwilling," Dark explained with a devilish glow on his face. "In that case, I want you to enjoy yourself. I'm going to make you _want _me." His eyes gleamed with anticipation as he stared down at me hungrily. "Then, I'll claim you, own you, make you _mine,_ and have you _begging _for me_._ That'll kill your precious Adam."

My expression was one of pure disgust with a horrified grimace washed upon my face.

"Yeah, keep dreaming," I forced a chuckle, even though my heart was pounding at the images in my head. "That's _not_ going to happen," I insisted surely.

Dark's lip twitched in fiendish amusement at me.

"Wanna bet?" he asked in a velvety seductive tone. Out of nowhere, his hand squeezed the hard bulge in my pants. I yelped out loud in surprise. "_This _says differently."

I felt violated and gave the mass another quick squeeze, causing me to jump, before winking tauntingly at me. I scowled hatefully at him. He just chuckled lowly in anticipation before closing his eyes.

A second later, I felt the weird energy around him and the air dissipate.


End file.
